With the coming of a Gay Black Renaissance, the opinion of gays in the black community is starting to turn for the better. But while it is starting there is still a blight in the community. A disease that encourages hatred, fear and misunderstanding. It's roots lie in a hyper masculine ideal that is put forth in our community. The irrational love of the "Thug Life", the idea that men are supposed to be tough and would never take a position of subservience.
This plague leads to many gay black men perpetrating a fraud. They get involved with women and play with men on the side living in fear that one of their "boyz" will find out. This is nothing short of lying and a disgusting display of weakness, plain and simple. Perhaps there is also the rush of doing something wrong coupled with fear that is playing into the behavior. It was best said that, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.". These are men not being themselves and exacerbating this preconceived notion of the "evil disease spreading fag" and hatred for gay men everywhere. Lives of women and children are ruined by this behavior. The self destructive nature of the DL lifestyle is not helpful in the fight for gay rights either.
Now this is definitely something hard for me to understand as a gay black man. I don't really recall ever spending any of my adult life in the closet. The beginning of my high school career did start with my being closeted out of fear. But eventually the fact that I was treated like an outcast for not following crowd allowed for me to comfortably come out. What did I have to fear after all, "they" treated me as an outcast anyway. I had nothing to lose. This afforded me the gift of being spared from the stigma that comes from being an out gay black man and lessened my need to be on the DL. So I can only speak on the subject from the outside looking in.
I have dealt with the "My wife would kill me if she knew" types. The DL life is not confined to the black community at all. The irrational fear of retaliation and expulsion from social groups and family effect weak willed men from all walks of life. The end result is the same. A shattered home, lowered self esteem and the further tarnishing of gay men. We are now seen as liars, cheats and homewreckers due to the actions of the weak.
Living a gay life is perhaps the hardest thing in the world to do. If there is anything that unifies religions and races it is the hatred and fear of the homosexual. So it is understandable that this would put fear into the hearts of many that are gay and choose to lie about it. The stress of living as who we are can be astounding. The stress of living a lie is larger still.
Many groups are beginning to accept gay life more and more. This is seen the least in the black and hispanic communities in which the idea of only the strong survive and being gay is seen as a weakness as opposed to the strength it really is is prevalent. Every black man has 2 strikes against him in life. He is black and he is male, this is something that comes with the territory. If you make it past the age of 18 as a black male without ending up in prison or dead you have already beaten the odds. Black gay men have the added pressure of being gay to deal with. We have to be stronger than we ever imagined in order to just live life. As a black male you at least have the support of your community behind you. As a gay black male that support is stripped from you. Is it any wonder that life on the DL proliferates the way it does?
What will it take to fix this? It will take a cultural shift starting from the bottom. What I tend to do in order to shift opinions of gays is to attack the issue from 2 different sides. Scientific and cultural history. The cultural history of gay men being the top choices as military strength and spiritual leadership is a very positive view and fact. We were often chosen for these roles as we did not leave families behind during the time of war, leaving family men as a last resort for military power. This kept families in tact and made a niche for gay men to fill. This role is a constant in primitive human culture. The other niche is as spiritual leadership in tribal society. We were the Shaman and medicine men of that age. Another role that was a constant in primitive right on up to modern human culture world wide. The scientific portion being population control. I know some don't wish to be seen as herd thinners the fact still remains. Humans have very few natural predators. As such without people who "don't breed" the human population would be more out of control than it currently is. Yes lesbians can have children but if they were living without the option of sperm banks and doners they too would be childless. Everything in nature has a check and a balance outside of mankind. Logically speaking a homosexual is an obvious genetic anomaly necessary for the continuation of the human species by limiting the resources taken up by what would certainly be an infestation of humans on a planet that can not support it.
These two things tend to at least get people thinking about gays outside of a negative connotation. Some throw religion into the mix. "It's against God!", they scream. Is it really? I mean if who I love is the most important factor in my entry to 'heaven' then the world has a lot to worry about. Who I love is rather miniscule in relation to the horrors committed by everyone else. If the worst thing the creater can say about me is that I loved a man, then those of you who cheat, lie, steal, eat shell fish and don't rest on the sabbath are in HUGE trouble!
All of this feeds the idea of gay as wrong. This wrong feeds fear of expulsion and rejection. This fear of expulsion and rejection feeds the DL life that is running rampant and ruining lives.
I will not make excuses for those living on the DL. There is nothing wrong with living your life, as long as you are not purposefully harming others, which is exactly what the lie that living on the DL does. If you want to hurt yourself thats fine, leave others out of it. I actually take a very harsh stance on the DL men. I see it as them making my life harder. It is hard enough as it is, I don't wish to have to fight this preconceived notion that I am on the DL on top of everything else. I would sooner tell the DL men to grow up and stop pretending to be someone they are not. But that is not as productive as presenting myself as an example of an out, proud gay black man that is not afraid of being who I am. I have made it past 18 as a gay black male. A feat in and of itself. It has taken a lot of fighting to get here, I am the ideal not the false front of the DL gay male.
A somewhat harsh look at life on the DL as an outsider, I know. But it is what it is and I write from my heart. "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." That... is real strength.
