A Visit to Jersey...

So I am on vacation. Spending some time with my family down in New Jersey. Plan is to see my father today. The man apparently is dying. He has Sorosis of the Liver or something like that. I am just a computer tech, I don't know much about fixing a human. But I will see him today. See how he is doing. I barely know him so I don't rightly know how I feel about this news. Should I feel sad? Angry? Lost? I don't know. I felt all of those things a long time ago in regards to him. Once I gave up on him I had no need for those feelings towards him anymore. He is but a stranger to me.

I have to see my aunt as well. It is a sad thing. Her own children are killing her slowly. Two of them refuse to become adults. They feed off of her daily. contributing nothing, having her care for their children and then have the balls to behave as if the world owes them something. As if my sister and I had some unfair advantage. In a way we did I guess. Discipline. We are by no means perfect children. But we turned out to be children that my mother can be proud of. Children that she does not have to worry about. Children that are not killing her slowly but egging her to live on. She wants to see how far our story can go before she is gone.

I have these horrid mood swings. Recently I have been in my "feeling like a plague" phase. Like everything I have touched in the last 13years of my life have done nothing but turn to shit. Every attempt at good I make, folds in on itself. As if I am cursed to never be able to make my own way. Every effort is faced with serious opposition. As if there is something that wants me to fail, fall or stumble. Like I have no choice but to constantly struggle. There is no rest for the wicked, I guess in my younger days I was rather wicked. Perhaps this is my penance.

I needed this break. If even a small break. I feel like a hero to my family. Like I have actually done well. They make me forget all the bullshit I have become clouded with. They force me to empty my cup. Life, love, money... none of it matters when I am making them laugh or making them remember. None of it matters when I realize that I have not done too badly. That in one years time I have both torn my life down and have almost fully rebuilt it. I am leaps and bounds ahead of where most others would have been in the course of one year. Visiting my family is giving me that reason to do better. To finish this story. To reach my own potential of which I have barely even scratched the surface of.

Someone said to me, "I thought you were different. But yer just like everyone else. I forgot you were just human.". Well... I realize something else. I am different. I am not like everyone else. But I am still, just human. In that, there is something amazing. I have beaten the odds, without a stacked deck. I am different indeed. My family only reflects it.

I may have only been here a day, but I am ready to return to my life. A life that I am finishing the rebuilding of. A life that I can live on my own, with no one. A life that I can share, with anyone. Realizing the ultimate truth. This would be year 4 of my personal discovery, as I have written about before. The closer I get to understanding it the farther away from it I am. Or am I?

- D

A Theory, If You Will But Indulge Me...

I work in a predominately hetero field. Technology. This, as a paradigm, has conditioned me to answering questions about my sexuality. I am out every where. Don't get it twisted, I am not a faerie gleely prancing around with wings, a pair of wings, a rainbow flag and a pink triangle purse. Just isn't me, not to mention it's rather tacky. But I make it no secret. They want to talk about tits n chicks then I will talk about dicks n dudes. I won't tolerate it otherwise. I am also rather "Just Jack" about things.

That being said, I have devised a theory that actually seems to work on the more intelligent of the Breeders. I akin homosexuality in humans as natures means of population control.

Here is the theory,

Everything in nature has a checks and balances system. Most creatures have quite a few natural predators. These predators are essential to the balance of the ecosystem. Without them said creature will reproduce unchecked. For example, you take away all the cats in a place and the place will most likely become overrun by rodents.

Now homosexuality exists in nature. But it really does act as a failsafe for when the natural predators fail or are wiped out. Fact, homosexuals cannot reproduce AS homosexuals. They need some interaction with the opposite sex, even if it is by the mediator called a turkey baster.

Humans have very few natural predators. The homosexual human is natures failsafe to keep the human population in check. Without us the human population would boom and overtake this planet much faster than it currently is. Everything in nature needs a check and a balance. Homosexual humans are that failsae check and balance.

What do you guys think? It's just a theory, with easily found statistics to back it up. Once I give them that "point of view", if you will, they tend to understand why we exist and accept it more easily.

Discuss.