The Fight For Civil Rights and Hypocrisy

Imagine a world in which your people have had to fight for basic civil rights. The right to marry, the right to live, the right to have the same opportunities, the right to be free. Imagine a world in which your people fought for and won the fight to gain full equality in stature and basic civil rights. Imagine that same lineage now participating in the deprivation of those same basic civil rights of someone else. Sounds horrible yes? Sounds depraved yes? Sounds like a throw back to a different time that was thought to be over and done with doesn't it? Sounds like the type of thing that could only be a part of the past and a far cry from the present and the future.

This is the world in which we live today. Many people try to differentiate the fight for African American civil rights and the fight for Gays civil rights. We need a wake up call. These too fights are the same. Basic civil rights and equality under the law. Some may want to throw around religion, separation of church and state. We as Americans have the right to follow whatever faith we want. We however do not have the right to force those beliefs upon someone else. That is the very basic foundation for which this country was founded. So we shall leave religion out of this little discussion. Basic civil rights and equality under the law.

Some would say, "Well African Americans had to endure some of the harshest conditions to get those rights both before and after.". This is true, but so have Gays. In fact, while it is not socially acceptable to run around calling black people niggers it is still very acceptable to call a homosexual a faggot. Both are slurs, both hurt to hear and both place a stigma on a single group of people.

In the black community, one that has fought tooth and nail for legal equality, gays are treated much like blacks were all those years ago. It is a community that fosters being "on the DL", fear, hatred and violence. Those very same things that very community fought against. How can we as a race of people deny the civil rights and legal equality of anyone? We of all people should know better. If it is against your religion that is fine, but you don't have the right to deny someone else life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness... especially given African American history. The African American Community and the Homosexual Community share this common struggle. Lets see if you can tell the difference between these events.

Midwest, a man is found bound, naked, beaten and bloody. No one knows his name. No one knows any other reason as to why this happened.

Name: John Doe
Age: approx. 30
Race: Black
Reason: He was black.

Midwest, a man is found bound to a herding fence, naked, beaten and bloody. We do know his name. We do know why this happened.

Name: Matthew Shepard
Age: approx. early 20s
Race: White
Reason: He was gay.

New York City, a small bar in the village. Police perform their normal raid in which they harrass, beat and arrest mutiple people for being who they are and congregating. This leads to a minor riot that sparked a nation wide movement.

Place: The Stone Wall Inn

Do I really have to go on about this? We can see the similarities and the commonalities. The Gay Community and the Black Community would better serve each other by fighting on the same side. To have any member of the African American community deprive someone else of basic human rights is a travesty and blatant hypocrisy.


Over the next few weeks I intend to do a small series of articles to touch on a few subjects pertinent to the Gay Black Community. Subject such as being on the dl, false machismo, civil rights and the gay black renaissance. Who am I to write such things? I am a gay black male that got to look at the black community and its interaction with the gay community from the outside looking in.

There Is No Spoon...

I have had an interesting couple of days recently. I don't quite know where to begin as I sit here listening to the islanders have a wild party next door... full on with hootin' and hollarin'.

Perhaps I will start with my trip to Paradise. So last weekend, pay day, I decided I needed to discover a new place to hang out and take in the Gay Boston Nightlife. Of course I Was thoroughly warned by a coworker that it was a "sketchy" place. OMG... porn on the TV's it smelled funny and there were shady characters everywhere. MAD SKETCHY!!

A customer at work, a fellow top, had met me there at Paradise and we hung out a bit. I found out that the downstairs area tries to get you as drunk as possible. I asked for a rum and coke and what I got was a plastic cup that was rum with a hint of coke. 3 of those and I was done. There was a cute guy or two there... but as usual I was ignored. So I sat and watched the game of cat and mouse the boys played with each other that went absolutely nowhere. It was a waste of their time essentially. They'd spot each other from across the room, sweat wold bead up on their brow. They'd look at each other, then look away. One would be appearing to be making a move. I was on the edge of my seat. Is he finally gonna just take the guy, bend him over the bar and fuck him for all of us to see? Is he going to at least buy the guy a drink? He moves closer, they look at each other... hoping and praying to finally say a word. And then... nothing... the guy walks right by him to the bar, buys a drink, they look at each other again and with drink in hand... the guy walks back to the other side of the bar, and continues his creepy staring match. What a let down. Seems boys in Boston need to grow the fuck up and leave this puritan, repressed dharmic bullshit behind.

I stay til closing, chit chatting and continuing my watch of the failed games these boys are playing. The bar closes and I catch a cab. The cab driver then gets lost and given I was rather intoxicated, I didn't have the strength to fight the bill. I get into my room, turn on my computer log into bear411 and manhunt only to find a billion fucking messages. All of which said essentially the same shit. "OMG, where you out at Paradise tonight? You are so hot!"... well given this was the email everyone seems to have copied and pasted from each other to send, I in turn send a cut and paste email. It stated, "Yes I was at PAradise tonight. Next time grow a pair and say something to me... I'm actually pretty easy.".

I mean really.... boys are silly. The fact that I don't want to date only seems to be attracting more of these fools.

I spend the rest of my weekend going out and paying bills etc. This figures in heavily to what happens on Monday.

So... Monday comes around and I was supposed to buy a ticket to get to NYC for a few days. I check my bank account to ensure the checks I wrote cleared, as I got paid the previous Friday. Apparently Bank of America is full of idiots. Essentially... they fucked up the direct deposit somehow. So the money was there and available for the taking... but wasn't technically "take-able". So the checks cleared, the ATM withdrawals cleared (I don't carry cash.. it's a NYC avoid the bums thing) went through just fine. But when I checked my bank account.. 736 dolllars is missing. OVER DRAFTS!!!!!!

Every check that cleared incurred 35 dollars and every single ATM transaction incurred 35 dollars. Well this added up to be quite a bit + the amount of money actually taken out. I wish I could afford to have blown money on whores and booze. I'd at least have herpes to show for it. So I spent all of my Monday cursing out Bank of America and having them admit they made a mistake. I won't see my money for 14 days. I told them I was getting a lawyer and closing my account after I get my money back. This is the last time they screw me. I have 2 dollars in the bank as of right now. This is not the first time it has happened and apparently they screwed up the direct deposit of everyone I work with that has a bank of america account. I am so over this shit.

Of course, the fellow I was supposed to meet in NYC is pissed at me because I couldn't show up and refused to accept his offer to pay.

So Tuesday comes and I meet what I think to be a Kindred Spirit. He is 28yo and also just ended a 10yr relationship. Somehow my Hero Complex kicks in. I know what he is going through, as I was just there not too long ago. I am still healing from it, it would be nice to have a friend I could heal with. He is quite a cute one. We meet up in Back Bay and head over to Lir for a drink. Well we had this weird Raspberry and Pomegranate beer. It was interesting... didn't taste like beer. Then head back to my place. The entire time I am thinking about how cute this guy is. We will call him D. D has the cutest lil belly.. nice fur, baby face, a nice shape to his ass and is also a geek. What a find! Brains actually are a huge turn on. We hop the train to Forest Hills and the hop the bus. Talk about awkward. Trains are one thing but to bring someone you are going to fuck to your place via the bus.... feels sorta cheap. But remember... BoA screwed me and I had no cash for a cab. Anywho.. we get back to my place, sit out on the front porch and he pulls out a phatty. OMG and he smokes pot. Too bad I am not looking to date and he is fresh out of a relationship. Much like myself.. he needs to play the field a bit and not think about dating.

We get stoned and have a few laughs. I inform my roommate that I have a buddy over. We head to my room where we chat and laugh some more. I can't believe I actually dig this guy. If anything I totally want to be his friend. But I have to fuck him first. We lay down and chat some more... he heads to the bathroom and comes back and climbs on me then to my side. He looks at me, tells me he thinks I am cute. He leans in and I can tell he is hesitant, but I come up to kiss him. It is too soon to kiss for him, I can tell. But I am a kisser, its what I do.

I don't know how it happened but we were soon naked. It just happened that way... damn pot, he is suckin on my cock and I am fingering his hole and giving it a good munching. I never really liked doing that, but I know he cleaned out and I just sort of went for it. The more I fingered and licked the more feverishly he sucked. He lets out an "Oh!", this one is a noisy one. I like that. I then climbs to face me, I want to kiss him, but I know he is not there. I plunges himself on my cock and lets out a sigh. He tell me it is deep and begins to bounce up and down on my cock like a boy who knows what he wants and is not afraid to take it. A power bottom I see. He takes my pounding in a myriad of positions. On his back where I use all of my weight to plunge balls deep into him, on his side where I can just pound and pound and watch him bounce around like a rag doll on my cock. BEnt over.. he lays his torso down and keeps his ass high. Fucking this guy is fun. He knows that I won't cum until I am told to and he just keeps on taking it.

I don't know how long we go for, I don't even remember when he told me to cum. I do remember hearing him moan and get loud. Just hearing him almost made me blow my load a few times. I do know he told me to cum and I began to fuck faster and hard.. I explode in the condom and we lay there. He can only say one word for a few minutes... "Amazing"... followed with you can cum on command... amazing. LOL

I am flattered. I slept the sleep of the dead that night. I was hoping to wake up in the middle of the night and play a bit more, but I was in a deep sleep. Tho he could have pretty much raped me in my sleep and I would have been ok with it.

I walk him to the train station the next morning. It's right around the corner from my place. I like D. I like D alot. I want to be his friend. I want to go through this thing with him. I feel that we can help each other grow. I want to be his hero as I am for all of my friends. Friends with benefits is fine with me.

I am meeting him at the Alley tonight. Beers on him. He is totally welcome to crash with me as he WILL miss his train home. I expect to run into a few guys tonight. Who knows.. maybe he'll get lucky... maybe I will...

Wow... another post gone sexy!

I am still not looking to date anyone. Still hoping to find a hottie to fuck on the regular. We shall see how that goes. I have taken to using men and only the good ones will make it to my friends list. Otherwise, fuck em. ;) I am going to stop trying to bend the spoon and instead realize the truth... there is no spoon.


- Daemian

Hero Complex...

No matter where I go, no matter what I do... I feel like 'we' need a vigilantly. What do I mean by this? I mean I hate bullies and when I read about hate crimes it infuriates me. I don't mean the kind of "Let's get political and fight the power!" kind of fury. I mean the "I want to find the one who committed the crime and do to him what he did to the victim." kind of fury.

For instance, when I lived in New York I bore witness to a man beating up a lesbian because she thwarted his advances. I witnessed this thwarting on the train and it wasn't like she was being exceptionally rude about it, tho she had every right to be rude about it given the mans behavior. We get off the train, it was late at night so it really was just us three and he attacks her while shouting homophobic rhetoric. Well, I turn around and tackle the fucker and begin to wail on him. I lose myself for a moment and in the fury of it all was able to be pulled off the guy. If it wasn't for the victim stating I had helped her I would have gone to jail that night. There is nothing I loathe more than to see or hear about or read about someone getting bullied. 

I hate witnessing spousal abuse, I hate witnessing a fight in which the odds are skewed I just don't have the tolerance for it.

So I read today about a fellow in the South End, an area of Boston pretty much owned by homosexuals, who was beaten and robbed by someone shouting anti-gay bullshit. Once again this infuriated me.  To top it all off, the cops are investigating it as an assault and robbery instead of a hate crime! WORD? ARE THEY FUCKING SERIOUS!?! What kind of justice is this? What kind of example is being set? This man will have hospital bills and wounds to recover from and if they find the bastards that did it they will get a slap on the wrist... a fucking misdemeanor. Really? Word? Are they fucking serious? This is not justice. Justice would be to find the fucker, beat him, rob him and shout anti-heterosexual bullshit at him. Justice would be to force him to have his own hospital bills to pay, his own wounds to heal AND to pay for the bills of the victim. THAT is justice.

All it makes me want to do is get to a gym, build the body of a god, gain access to shielding to prevent my being stabbed or shot and roam the streets waiting to stop someone from hurting someone else. My style of justice is eye for an eye. My hero complex almost demands this action. My hero complex always gets me into trouble, so I sit here... I wait and I hope that someone out there sees this the same way I do and rains down real justice on bastards like this.

What gives someone else the right to attack someone else for being different? What idiotic sense of self makes them think this is ok? 

No matter where I go, no matter what I do... I find 'we' need justice. My anger is almost enough to push me over the edge right now. This shit must stop!

- D

A Fond Farewell...

(I wrote this while in the airport last night awaiting flight boarding)

Today is my last day in Cupertino. A lot has happened over the last 2 weeks of my life. I have been humbled by the experience of being dribbled down to that 'High School" feeling. I have been validated in my testing, my scores and my past. I have been brought to a place of happiness by finding friendships in the most unlikely of places.

This experience as a whole has shown me a hell of a lot. I am a guy who has gone through a lot. A lot of good, a lot of happiness, a lot of sadness and it all equals one word.... experience. Over the past 6 months I have been put through the ringer emotionally. Self doubt, self consciousness and a huge bit of "where is this road leading and was it a mistake?"

Looking back on it now, it all led up to this one point in time. This one moment in which everything I have ever done and, at the time, questioned the value of... came into focus. I will say that Steve Jobs put it best, my version of what he said would be, "Everything we have done in life has a purpose or a use. We often go through things and wonder what use will this have for me in the rest of my life. We all go through things, positive and negative and ask ourselves why. In hindsight you realize it is like 'connecting the dots. And those dots all make a path that prepared you for what it is you are to do in life."

I look back at it all, then I am put in this challenging situation... and I fucking nailed it! I mean every job I ever had, every job I ever lost, every job I ever walked away from, every bit of hardship that has left a scar was all for this moment. I have my dream job. A dream job that has opened a world of possibility. A dream job that has already enriched my life in a matter of 2 weeks.

One way it has done so is the validation. I have been validated. My intellect has been validated. All that time I spent being a computer nerd has been validated. All that time I spent being troubled over my life only to came out of it alive has been validated. This experience was essentially someone saying, good job! We appreciate what you know, what you can do and who you are.

Another way, the friendships I built here. They are perhaps some of the strangest yet oddly the strongest bonds I have made since I met Jeremy. I made friends with a gaggle of Australians. It is odd how I managed to forge these friendships, with people who are literally from half a world away from me. Yet we bonded. To the point where they are like, "You have to come visit us in Australia. You just have to get here, we'll take care of the rest.". And they mean it. I in turn have invited them to MA, I will take care of them and I mean it. I have enjoyed meeting all of them, and leaving today knowing that I won't see them again until I can book a flight to Sydney was VERY saddening. But I am grateful to have met them. Very grateful. Five in particular... Pippi, Alex, Bobby, Marco and Glen... guys... I love yas. I really do. I know we had only known each other a week, but I just want to say thank you! Thank you guys for being... well... for being like me. The only time I ever felt comfortable during this trip was when I was hanging out with you guys. Who knew that simply helping out with study would turn into something that means a lot to me? So thank you and good luck on your hardware exams next week, you guys will crush them and laugh about it later.

Yet another way was to be shown a more clear path for what I want in my future with Apple. Our instructor Paul was amazing. He showed and inspired me to follow through with what it is I must do. He taught me things that are not based on ones intellect. The others in my class had learned a lot in regards to tech. I came in with that knowledge. The others learned a lot in regards to customer service and procedure. I came with that knowledge. What I learned was that being positive.... is a good thing. That genuinely wanting to help people was a good thing. That not all heroes where capes. My hero complex... the one that got me into a lot of trouble, has a place here. I genuinely want to help people. I genuinely enjoy computers and technology. I have a place here. I work for one of the most innovative technology companies on the planet, I have met some of the best people... cream of the crop types... and I am one of them.

Corny as it may sound, I think my life is finally taking shape. It is going to be very hard my first few months as I have the issue of commuting and my living location working against me. But if I can do this, those obstacles will quickly diminish and doing what I love will be much easier!

And to my Aussies... your Bostralian has a message for you.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OY OY OY!

- Daemian

Lightning Strikes Yet Again!!

Is this really possible? I mean lightning never strikes the same place twice... right? Well I found something. Deep inside this whirlwind of creativity that this break up has broken the flood gates on... has solved my website problems.

I have been meaning to update my personal site. I couldn't come up with anything. Nada. All of my good ideas were used up at work. Well, thank the Muses because I have finally come up with it. It is kinda funny really. So I must give a little bit of background without giving too much away. That's right bitches... fags and their secrets!

I have what I like to call, drumroll please, a Hero Complex. What the fuck is a Hero Complex you ask? Simple, my definition of a Hero Complex is thus:

A person that is driven by the need to protect. Such persons tend to protect either emotionally, financially, inspirationally or physically. These people are what have been so called "Good Cops", "Motherly", "Good Soldier" or "Guard Dog". Each one of these types protect but in different ways.

Good Cops: These are the cops that do what is right regardless of the cost. These cops are cops for the right reasons. They want to protect and serve and tend to be good at their jobs with little recognition. Often well known on their patrol routes.

Motherly: These are those around us that nurture and protect us from life. They are often found giving sound advice and making sure the lamb they took in is well fed. They hold the home and only have the best interest of her chosen lambs in mind.

Good Soldier: These are the soldiers often identified as weekend patriotic. They jump into the fray with little regards for their own lives to disobey an order if it means doing what is right and not what they are told. This soldier is, to be frank, the one who saves the innocent village from his commanding officer; whom is torturing the people and cutting off their ears to wear as a necklace. This soldier feels a responsibility to freedom, regardless of his command.

Guard Dog: The Guard Dog is an interesting sort. The Guard Dog basically protects his master. At all costs. This type of person is often found protecting the smaller guy. They tend to defend those that cannot defend themselves. Vigilante in his watch this is the type of person you want in your home. He will keep watch and resume his guard. This type of Hero Complex tends to fall into the role of protecting physically. As unsavory as it sounds... the... ick... Guardian Angels (had to hold back my barf) are a group of people with a Guard Dog Type Hero Complex.


Where does that leave me? I am a Guard Dog type. I hate to see people getting picked on. Given my size I never really get messed with and the assault tends to end quickly or does not occur once I get involved. If you are nice to me you get my protection. I will look out for you. If you help me in ways unmeasurable (being a good friend) you have my protection for life. And if I love you... I will always protect you first.

This is sort of why I wanted to be a police officer for a while when looking into plentiful jobs. I worked as security at a gay bar in NYC for a while. I even got involved when I saw some asshole trying to beat up a lesbian. Apparently he didn't like rejection. Well he didn't like my fist connecting with his nose either.

So... what does all this bullshit have to do with a website?

Everything!

I have my central theme and all I will tell you is that it is called....

Hero Complex


-Daemian

P.S. I am working on a new banner as a teaser. Woohoo!