There Is No Spoon...

I have had an interesting couple of days recently. I don't quite know where to begin as I sit here listening to the islanders have a wild party next door... full on with hootin' and hollarin'.

Perhaps I will start with my trip to Paradise. So last weekend, pay day, I decided I needed to discover a new place to hang out and take in the Gay Boston Nightlife. Of course I Was thoroughly warned by a coworker that it was a "sketchy" place. OMG... porn on the TV's it smelled funny and there were shady characters everywhere. MAD SKETCHY!!

A customer at work, a fellow top, had met me there at Paradise and we hung out a bit. I found out that the downstairs area tries to get you as drunk as possible. I asked for a rum and coke and what I got was a plastic cup that was rum with a hint of coke. 3 of those and I was done. There was a cute guy or two there... but as usual I was ignored. So I sat and watched the game of cat and mouse the boys played with each other that went absolutely nowhere. It was a waste of their time essentially. They'd spot each other from across the room, sweat wold bead up on their brow. They'd look at each other, then look away. One would be appearing to be making a move. I was on the edge of my seat. Is he finally gonna just take the guy, bend him over the bar and fuck him for all of us to see? Is he going to at least buy the guy a drink? He moves closer, they look at each other... hoping and praying to finally say a word. And then... nothing... the guy walks right by him to the bar, buys a drink, they look at each other again and with drink in hand... the guy walks back to the other side of the bar, and continues his creepy staring match. What a let down. Seems boys in Boston need to grow the fuck up and leave this puritan, repressed dharmic bullshit behind.

I stay til closing, chit chatting and continuing my watch of the failed games these boys are playing. The bar closes and I catch a cab. The cab driver then gets lost and given I was rather intoxicated, I didn't have the strength to fight the bill. I get into my room, turn on my computer log into bear411 and manhunt only to find a billion fucking messages. All of which said essentially the same shit. "OMG, where you out at Paradise tonight? You are so hot!"... well given this was the email everyone seems to have copied and pasted from each other to send, I in turn send a cut and paste email. It stated, "Yes I was at PAradise tonight. Next time grow a pair and say something to me... I'm actually pretty easy.".

I mean really.... boys are silly. The fact that I don't want to date only seems to be attracting more of these fools.

I spend the rest of my weekend going out and paying bills etc. This figures in heavily to what happens on Monday.

So... Monday comes around and I was supposed to buy a ticket to get to NYC for a few days. I check my bank account to ensure the checks I wrote cleared, as I got paid the previous Friday. Apparently Bank of America is full of idiots. Essentially... they fucked up the direct deposit somehow. So the money was there and available for the taking... but wasn't technically "take-able". So the checks cleared, the ATM withdrawals cleared (I don't carry cash.. it's a NYC avoid the bums thing) went through just fine. But when I checked my bank account.. 736 dolllars is missing. OVER DRAFTS!!!!!!

Every check that cleared incurred 35 dollars and every single ATM transaction incurred 35 dollars. Well this added up to be quite a bit + the amount of money actually taken out. I wish I could afford to have blown money on whores and booze. I'd at least have herpes to show for it. So I spent all of my Monday cursing out Bank of America and having them admit they made a mistake. I won't see my money for 14 days. I told them I was getting a lawyer and closing my account after I get my money back. This is the last time they screw me. I have 2 dollars in the bank as of right now. This is not the first time it has happened and apparently they screwed up the direct deposit of everyone I work with that has a bank of america account. I am so over this shit.

Of course, the fellow I was supposed to meet in NYC is pissed at me because I couldn't show up and refused to accept his offer to pay.

So Tuesday comes and I meet what I think to be a Kindred Spirit. He is 28yo and also just ended a 10yr relationship. Somehow my Hero Complex kicks in. I know what he is going through, as I was just there not too long ago. I am still healing from it, it would be nice to have a friend I could heal with. He is quite a cute one. We meet up in Back Bay and head over to Lir for a drink. Well we had this weird Raspberry and Pomegranate beer. It was interesting... didn't taste like beer. Then head back to my place. The entire time I am thinking about how cute this guy is. We will call him D. D has the cutest lil belly.. nice fur, baby face, a nice shape to his ass and is also a geek. What a find! Brains actually are a huge turn on. We hop the train to Forest Hills and the hop the bus. Talk about awkward. Trains are one thing but to bring someone you are going to fuck to your place via the bus.... feels sorta cheap. But remember... BoA screwed me and I had no cash for a cab. Anywho.. we get back to my place, sit out on the front porch and he pulls out a phatty. OMG and he smokes pot. Too bad I am not looking to date and he is fresh out of a relationship. Much like myself.. he needs to play the field a bit and not think about dating.

We get stoned and have a few laughs. I inform my roommate that I have a buddy over. We head to my room where we chat and laugh some more. I can't believe I actually dig this guy. If anything I totally want to be his friend. But I have to fuck him first. We lay down and chat some more... he heads to the bathroom and comes back and climbs on me then to my side. He looks at me, tells me he thinks I am cute. He leans in and I can tell he is hesitant, but I come up to kiss him. It is too soon to kiss for him, I can tell. But I am a kisser, its what I do.

I don't know how it happened but we were soon naked. It just happened that way... damn pot, he is suckin on my cock and I am fingering his hole and giving it a good munching. I never really liked doing that, but I know he cleaned out and I just sort of went for it. The more I fingered and licked the more feverishly he sucked. He lets out an "Oh!", this one is a noisy one. I like that. I then climbs to face me, I want to kiss him, but I know he is not there. I plunges himself on my cock and lets out a sigh. He tell me it is deep and begins to bounce up and down on my cock like a boy who knows what he wants and is not afraid to take it. A power bottom I see. He takes my pounding in a myriad of positions. On his back where I use all of my weight to plunge balls deep into him, on his side where I can just pound and pound and watch him bounce around like a rag doll on my cock. BEnt over.. he lays his torso down and keeps his ass high. Fucking this guy is fun. He knows that I won't cum until I am told to and he just keeps on taking it.

I don't know how long we go for, I don't even remember when he told me to cum. I do remember hearing him moan and get loud. Just hearing him almost made me blow my load a few times. I do know he told me to cum and I began to fuck faster and hard.. I explode in the condom and we lay there. He can only say one word for a few minutes... "Amazing"... followed with you can cum on command... amazing. LOL

I am flattered. I slept the sleep of the dead that night. I was hoping to wake up in the middle of the night and play a bit more, but I was in a deep sleep. Tho he could have pretty much raped me in my sleep and I would have been ok with it.

I walk him to the train station the next morning. It's right around the corner from my place. I like D. I like D alot. I want to be his friend. I want to go through this thing with him. I feel that we can help each other grow. I want to be his hero as I am for all of my friends. Friends with benefits is fine with me.

I am meeting him at the Alley tonight. Beers on him. He is totally welcome to crash with me as he WILL miss his train home. I expect to run into a few guys tonight. Who knows.. maybe he'll get lucky... maybe I will...

Wow... another post gone sexy!

I am still not looking to date anyone. Still hoping to find a hottie to fuck on the regular. We shall see how that goes. I have taken to using men and only the good ones will make it to my friends list. Otherwise, fuck em. ;) I am going to stop trying to bend the spoon and instead realize the truth... there is no spoon.


- Daemian

A New Place...

Well, recent events...

First and foremost, I must apologize for it being so long since the last time I posted. I have been in a state of flux. Between work, trying to find a new place to live, finding a new place, moving and trying to settle in I have been quite the busy little bee.

So I yes, I found a place. It is a great situation. I do have a roommate, but at least he is a 'Mo like myself. So it is infinitely more comfortable of a situation. I am in a 2 bedroom condo with central air. Of course the central air is the part that got me. LOL. My roommate is a hottie tho. But the fact he is my roommate makes him off limits. Roommate drama can come up all too easily if you sleep with him. So I have to actually exhibit some self control. Of course I was really flirty, but you know... that should be curtailed as well. I don't want to send the wrong message.

The job is going very well, I am excelling at the bar even if I am a little slow on the repairs in the Genius Room. I have this meticulous way of doing a repair and if I see something that needs to be done, like the parts are disgustingly dirty... I will sit there and clean each piece as I reassemble the unit. It's what I do, I can't help that. Overall tho, I love what I do. Having more time makes life a lot less stressful.

Time is finally giving me time. 

With that comes the fact that I need to start making new memories. I have very little in the way of pictures or regular living and enjoyment of life. The last ten years of my life are recorded in only my heart and my head. Both will fade over time. So now I have to learn how to live life. I am painfully lonely despite being surrounded by some great people. The real kicker is that I don't know what I want. Do I want to be single? Do I want a boyfriend? I don't know. In a way I am scared. I am scared of the inevitable pain that will follow if I am someone's lover. I am scared of the possibility of never finding someone to love and be loved by. I am scared that I don't know how to really live. I am just scared. But me being me, I never let being scared be an excuse to not do something. If bravery is doing something despite being afraid, well I can only hope my bravery holds.

I found myself thinking of Mike today, I got angry, I got sad... I smoked half a pack of cigarettes, I worried that I will never find love like that again. Did we end up how we ended up because our relationship was like a plant that just didn't get watered? If so, why didn't we water it? I thought we had put in a ton of work. I thought we were doing things the right way and learning from our mistakes. Then I came to realization that I didn't treat him like I should have. The withering was not all his fault, it was mine too. 

So I move forward. I am trying to learn from my mistakes. I know I am not over it. I don't think I ever will be. But I have to not carry around the baggage. I have to force myself to trust people and to trust myself.  I walked away... now I have to keep on walking. But now I am in a better position to do so. I am clawing my way back to the top, I am so close, I can't lose my grip now.

Til next time chulos

- D

Time Won't Give Me Time...

Wooh!!! It has been one wild ride so far. As you guys may have noticed I haven't posted in a while. Well, truth be told, I just don't have the damn time. LOL.

I love my job and if I didn't I would say to hell with this commute. My commute currently adds between 4 - 6 hours to my work day. So I am up and out of the house by 6am and don't get home til about 12/1am. Yeah.

So news in the pipe is that I am moving. Yes moving. Moving closer to work. I mean I don't even have time to entertain the idea of having a beer, or dinner or a frikkin date. So in the interest of salvaging my social life and making my working life just so much easier, yes I am moving. Plans are to move during the month of June. I am looking in the Somerville area right now as it really is not that far away... easily commuted on the T or Taxi-cab-able for those nights I decide to hang out past 12. 

So far tho, the job is fantastic! I hit the ground running and it is amazing. So many people there think I came from some other Apple store given my performance and I am just like, " Nope never worked as a Mac Genius before.", LOL. It is interesting the feeling you get from helping people. This job certainly feeds my hero complex nicely. 

In the dark reaches, that time in which I simply come home and rest to prepare for my next day, I find myself thinking. I find myself reminiscing of time gone by. Thinking about how happy I was. Thinking about how that happiness faded. Thinking about the how and why of things. Being grateful to have known love. Being angry to have lost it. Thinking about time I had, time I have lost and the new happiness standing in front of me.

I love my job, I am learning to love myself, I am learning to live by myself, for myself. But still I do find that every now and then... I miss time gone by. I miss Mike, in that time as I am drifting off to sleep exhausted from the days work... I find myself wondering what he is doing. I miss my old life, the security in familiarity. But I have to remind myself that I must regret nothing. That I must move forward. I always have moved forward. Unafraid of what is waiting. I am hoping and praying that I can find happiness in myself instead of in others. I am hoping that once I find that happiness that the true happiness I had known before it was my time to know it returns. It is funny how time makes points and those points connect to a final destination unknown. Unknown to me but known infinitely to time. I don't regret the 10 years time that I gave up. I don't regret having lived those ten years. I find myself less angry with Mike. I find myself more forgiving of him and in some strange way I find I am more forgiving of myself. Perhaps thats it. Perhaps I am to learn to forgive myself. Only time will tell... if I can indeed find time.

I miss the time I had to spend with my friends, most of all I miss Jeremy. He has been all too kind to me and has not forsaken me for his own time. In due time he and I shall have more time. It's like finding your brother and having to leave him all too soon. I know I will miss him a lot when I move. I am sure he will miss me too. Tho I am not going to another state, I am moving far enough away that he will not be able to just 'drop by' to chit chat.

 

In due time I will have more time, but for now I must sacrifice time for happiness.  

My only issue is time. Time won't give me time.

- D

A Fond Farewell...

(I wrote this while in the airport last night awaiting flight boarding)

Today is my last day in Cupertino. A lot has happened over the last 2 weeks of my life. I have been humbled by the experience of being dribbled down to that 'High School" feeling. I have been validated in my testing, my scores and my past. I have been brought to a place of happiness by finding friendships in the most unlikely of places.

This experience as a whole has shown me a hell of a lot. I am a guy who has gone through a lot. A lot of good, a lot of happiness, a lot of sadness and it all equals one word.... experience. Over the past 6 months I have been put through the ringer emotionally. Self doubt, self consciousness and a huge bit of "where is this road leading and was it a mistake?"

Looking back on it now, it all led up to this one point in time. This one moment in which everything I have ever done and, at the time, questioned the value of... came into focus. I will say that Steve Jobs put it best, my version of what he said would be, "Everything we have done in life has a purpose or a use. We often go through things and wonder what use will this have for me in the rest of my life. We all go through things, positive and negative and ask ourselves why. In hindsight you realize it is like 'connecting the dots. And those dots all make a path that prepared you for what it is you are to do in life."

I look back at it all, then I am put in this challenging situation... and I fucking nailed it! I mean every job I ever had, every job I ever lost, every job I ever walked away from, every bit of hardship that has left a scar was all for this moment. I have my dream job. A dream job that has opened a world of possibility. A dream job that has already enriched my life in a matter of 2 weeks.

One way it has done so is the validation. I have been validated. My intellect has been validated. All that time I spent being a computer nerd has been validated. All that time I spent being troubled over my life only to came out of it alive has been validated. This experience was essentially someone saying, good job! We appreciate what you know, what you can do and who you are.

Another way, the friendships I built here. They are perhaps some of the strangest yet oddly the strongest bonds I have made since I met Jeremy. I made friends with a gaggle of Australians. It is odd how I managed to forge these friendships, with people who are literally from half a world away from me. Yet we bonded. To the point where they are like, "You have to come visit us in Australia. You just have to get here, we'll take care of the rest.". And they mean it. I in turn have invited them to MA, I will take care of them and I mean it. I have enjoyed meeting all of them, and leaving today knowing that I won't see them again until I can book a flight to Sydney was VERY saddening. But I am grateful to have met them. Very grateful. Five in particular... Pippi, Alex, Bobby, Marco and Glen... guys... I love yas. I really do. I know we had only known each other a week, but I just want to say thank you! Thank you guys for being... well... for being like me. The only time I ever felt comfortable during this trip was when I was hanging out with you guys. Who knew that simply helping out with study would turn into something that means a lot to me? So thank you and good luck on your hardware exams next week, you guys will crush them and laugh about it later.

Yet another way was to be shown a more clear path for what I want in my future with Apple. Our instructor Paul was amazing. He showed and inspired me to follow through with what it is I must do. He taught me things that are not based on ones intellect. The others in my class had learned a lot in regards to tech. I came in with that knowledge. The others learned a lot in regards to customer service and procedure. I came with that knowledge. What I learned was that being positive.... is a good thing. That genuinely wanting to help people was a good thing. That not all heroes where capes. My hero complex... the one that got me into a lot of trouble, has a place here. I genuinely want to help people. I genuinely enjoy computers and technology. I have a place here. I work for one of the most innovative technology companies on the planet, I have met some of the best people... cream of the crop types... and I am one of them.

Corny as it may sound, I think my life is finally taking shape. It is going to be very hard my first few months as I have the issue of commuting and my living location working against me. But if I can do this, those obstacles will quickly diminish and doing what I love will be much easier!

And to my Aussies... your Bostralian has a message for you.

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OY OY OY!

- Daemian

Apple...

I GOT THE JOB CHULOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!!!

I am an official Apple employee! Tomorrow I go in to fill out the paperwork and to receive my computer. They pay is excellent, especially for living in MA. I get full health and dental, a 401k, stock, all of my certifications and the opportunity to get into Apple big time! I am so very excited about this. I have been an Apple fan for a log time and I can not believe I am about to embark on a huge leap in my career. This is absolutely fantastic!

I leave for California next Sunday for my 2 weeks of training.

Did I say I am excited?

Rebuild My Life Goals (In no particular order):

* Career back on track: Check
* Get a Dog (cure for loneliness):
* Get a Car/Fix my license:
* Get my own apartment:
* Meet my goal for my dream car (2009 Camaro)
* Get a Man:

- Daemian

Next Moves and Being Slutty

I have reached 2 strange paths. Paths I had never thought I would have to cross. Well one of em' I knew I'd have to cross... but the other... not so much.

I am planning my next move with PTS, but I am unsure as to how to go about it. No... not asking him to be my BF just yet, more left to do... like financial security. But I do want to make seeing him a regular thing. Like once a week. But I don't know how to go about making that happen. I mean do I make a call and leave the ball in his court? Do I just forget about him for a bit and let him come to me? I hate this game and I don't play it very well. As a friend said to me, "What if he is doing the same thing and no one ever calls?". Which seems silly, doesn't it. I don't usual play this dating game... but what else am I to do? Maybe he'll call me back. I left him a message telling I should be at the Alley tomorrow night and staying with a friend in Somerville.

The other thing is my libido and how I have been indulging it waaayyyy too much. I don't know what I should do. I mean on one hand I love the attention, on the other I really don't WANT to be known as the guy who fucked all of Worcester. I mean given the reputation of others, I have a LONG way to go before that happens. I guess I just don't want to make a habit out of it that's hard to break when my special someone comes along. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my work situation leaves me with a lot of free time in which I occupy myself with sex. Perhaps when this Apple thing comes through.. less time might equal less free time for sex and my libido will calm down a little. Or it may not calm down at all and I end up fucking some co-worker or customer. LAWL

So the questions are:

Do I let him come to me?

and

Should I continue indulging my libido like a fat kid in a fudge shop with too much money?


- Daemian

Apple and A Piece...

Where on God's green hell do I start?

Well, why not at the beginning. So this Sunday I was able, with the help of my friend James, to make my way to Boston. I ended up staying with a friend and having a great time!(Upon some good advice, some things should remain private... from a good friend)

Apple Interview

So Monday morning we wake, shower and headed on our merry way. my friend had given me a ride to Peabody where I was to meet with Stacey, the MA recruiter for Apple. I met with her and the spoken interview went VERY well. I even shared with her how I was able to get FrankenMac back up and running despite it's file system issue, which seemed to impress her a great deal. She gave me the Tech Screening test and I did VERY well with it. Remember this whole thing came about by Apple contacting me, not the other way around. I did so well in fact that she would like to try and place me in the flagship store they are opening in May in Boston.

She has to do a background check on me, which will come up clean and failing the flagship store I will still get my first choice of heading to the Cambridge store. I have the Cambridge meeting on Friday if I don't hear back regarding the flagship. This is all to be a Mac Genius. If things go well I will be heading to Cupertino, CA in the next week or so. Yay! If I get this job... my life as it stands right now changes big time! I mean I can pay my rent, fix my license, get a car, move to my own place. I am looking forward to this. I mean I know I can not count my chickens before they are hatched, but I am keeping positive on this. This job is mine.

A Piece

Well I have been in talks with the President of the Northeast Ursamen about doing the Graphic Design for their events. What I have here is NOTHING BUT A CONCEPT. I like the way it came out. I am sure there are things to tweak and the photos I get will be from the Northeast Ursamen, so this is going to change a lot. But I like it. I hope they do too along with all of you chulos out there.

Enjoy!



- Daemian

Job with Apple...

Well... the phone interview went very well. I answered all of the test questions correctly. I gave a good history in terms of my experience over the past ten years in tech support, hardware repair and software troubleshooting. My experience in 'Creative' seems to have grabbed the recruiters attention. I would not be shocked if he attempted to get me moved into Apple Creative relatively quickly.

So I made it past this step and now it's on to the next. Sometime next week I have to meet with the recruiter of the Cambridge store. The recruiter will give me that basic run down of the 'culture' of the store. Upon a successful meeting with the recruiter I move on to the next and final step. 3 weeks of paid training... in Cupertino, CA! Yes chulos.... Cupertino... at the Apple Headquarters. Oh... my... GGGGGAAAAAWWWWDDDDDD! It's a wet dream come true for a Mac-Phile like me!

Wish me continued luck as I am not in the clear just yet. Of course should something else come up in terms of a job that pays more, well I could only be so lucky!

-Daemian

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!

Well apparently this past weekend has made for a great networking opportunity. As such I am sprucing up my resumé to reflect my graphic design ability while still selling myself as an IT guy that is also a Graphic Designer. It would seem that there are many bears that can pass my resumé along and perhaps get me in at some decent places. I do like working at the club but the pay is not going to get me back on my feet in anyway... unless they put me on as a Bartender and give me a good night. I somehow doubt that will happen tho. So at any rate I am breaking ass to get my electronic portfolio done, my website done and my resumé up to code. Soon enough chulos.. soon enough.

Oh an no I didn't get the gig that would have been perfect for getting me back on my feet.Their reason... I don't have a car. My friend Jay took great offense to this as I would be driving in with him and he feels they are calling him unreliable. Of course he has not missed a single day, has voluntarily done overtime and arrives early. He did overhear them talking about my being overqualified for the job. So we suspect that to be the real reason.

Whatever the case may be, come hell or high water I am not going to give anyone... especially my ex... the satisfaction of saying I made a mistake in leaving him and leaving NYC. Fuck that shit. I am gonna do this and I don't give a shit what it takes.

If anyone out there has any connections in the Boston area for an IT or Graphics Guy let me know and I will forward a resumé. LOL.

-Daemian

Wish Me Luck!

I have an open house to attend today. Thing is, they have already seen my resumé. They are already very happy with it. The only thing that may keep me from getting this job is that I am WWWAAAAAYYYYY overqualified for it. It is basically working customer tech support in a call center. I know it is not the best job on the planet, but neither is being a bouncer. If I get this job tho it will do a lot for me. Consider this. After taxes it'd give me roughly 330 bucks a week. My rent is 320 a month. With this money I can fix my license which is a desperate thing right now. I can lease a hot shit car. I can buy a new computer (FrankenMac is slowly dieing after 7years of being a workhorse.). I can go through some serious retail therapy. I can visit mom and my sister anytime I felt like it. I can live like a king until I find a job that is more my speed.

So wish me luck chulos. Oh an dby the way, I am so very grateful for all of the encouraging emails I have gotten from the readers. I will not name names because I understand the whole "don't want people to know I am on some queers blog" thing. So just know, and you shy bitches know who you are, that I am very grateful for the emails. I know I will be ok, I am petrified but I guess the comments on my being brave are correct. Bravery is taking the action even tho you are scared shitless. If I don't get the gig, life goes on another will come my way.

Been a bit lonely and figuring if I do get a job where I can reliably feed myself I will get a dog. I was thinking an American Staffordshire Terrier. They are related to pit bulls but have a great temperament, make great companions and work dogs and are infamous for being great around children and friendly to people yet protective of their homes and owners. Much like myself. So the loneliness will be somewhat cured. I don't need to fuck everything that hoves into my field of vision to patch the hurt. Tho this weekend I am going to PTown for the first time. A bear event called Out of Hibernation. I do plan on using a shit ton of condoms. :P I'll take lots of pictures and post the G rated ones. Later chulos!

-Daemian

A New Schedule, A New Outlook and an Oh Fuck Moment...

So... I have worked officially all of 1 week at Blu and they have already got my schedule for the weekend booked! I love it! Friday, Saturday and Sunday I will be working security. It will be variable which security position I work. Some days I will be a floater, which I love. I get to walk around the club, flirt a little bit and see the shows. Some days I will be working the smoking area. In the winter it hurts a little bit because the smoking area is outside, but once again I get to mingle, be social and flirt without spending money. Some days I will be working the front door, like this Sunday I will be working the front door, which is nice on a Sunday because I don't have to deal with cash. I can sit there, be visible and flirt my ass of. Bad part is I miss the shows and I am pretty much stuck in the front... Sunday they do lip sync competitions and Lady Sabrina is the hostess with the mostess.

After my exciting encounter, as documented in my previous post, my outlook on things have changed. Funny enough I do still want Carl. I want him something bad, but I found I am able to curb that want and go for other wants while he decides his own fate. I could have had my choice of boys last night. There was this FUCKING hot Brazilian guy staring me down. I mean he undressed me, re-dressed me and undressed me again all with his eyes... all night long. This little Mexican guy walked in, and I don't get what is up with the little guys thinking they can handle all of this, and began to shake his ass just for me. I was almost tempted, but found that no... despite my addictive personality (which would make it very easy to get addicted to sex) I was able to be a good boy last night. I went home with no one and guess that kind of control over myself felt great. I guess it is a kind of control that 10yrs of marriage will train in you. After my last encounter, I tell you girls.. you will have to chisel the smile off of my face with a jackhammer after I am dead. All the negativity I was holding on to just melted away. So I feel great. There is something better for me out there. This is just the beginning.

I know, I know... I can hear you bitches now, "Well what the Oh Fuck Moment Ho?!?", and I will tell ya. My 'Oh Fuck Moment' was in realizing with all the blood back in my brain that I did hook up with this guy at the place I worked. Which means whoever was working that night knows I went home with someone else. Why? How? They know by now that I am a new bitch here that does not drive. So if I show up I am there until closing so I can hitch a ride with Danielle or Matty home. Well, when I wasn't there at the end of the night... they put 2 and 2 together and made 4. Not only did they get it... they talked about it. Even my new boss knew I went home with someone. Glad it is a gay club and it was my night off. Anyway... Carl worked last night with BOTH bartenders from my night of whorishness. Yeah... he heard about it. Oh fuck. At first I didn't care really because he was the one who told me to back off. But I could see it in his face he was not happy. He would put on a rather fake smile, I know what his smiles look like and the ones he gave me were fake, and pretend like he wasn't upset. I then realized, Carl is not the rock he portrays himself to be. He really does... or at least did... like me. What puzzles me is that the entire thing was all about how I need to go out and sow MY wild oats. How I am the one who needs more time. How I am the one who is not ready. In reality... none of those things were about me. They were about him. He is the one who is not ready, needs more time to sort his shit out.

Now I may have been having some serious blonde moments since I got here. Thankfully those are over. I may have just left a 10yr relationship. But give me some credit. I am not a moron or some child. I do know myself well enough to know the type of person I am. I know I can be a horny fuck. I know I can have my moments where for months on end I want it daily. I know that if I don't get my release I get grumpy. I know that I much rather have sex with someone I feel something for as well. Its when I am at my best sexually. I also know that I am a relationship oriented man. That if I find the guy who can put me in my place, not let me get away with murder, fuck me on a regular basis and make me feel like a king... I will be his for as long as I can hold on to him. I know that I am VERY affectionate and loving. I love nothing more than to be able to put my arms around someone and feel them respond positively. I want nothing more than to be able to come home, call someone tiger, kiss a long deep 'I missed you today' kiss... even if we have just been in separate rooms all day. I know I want someone to hold.

So I do have a big grip on what it is I want, who it is I was 10yrs ago, who it is I became in 10yrs time and who it is I am becoming. I won't be held down by who I used to be. But I won't toss those lessons I have learned either. So, as my hag in training and my mother said... take this as a sign that I need to whore it up a little bit longer... safely (thats my mothers addition). I am not going to be an asshole and throw it in Carls face by hooking up with guys right in front of him, thats just bad form knowing what I know... but I will try to take just 1 night a week at the club socially when he is not there and get my guys that way. I don't know how I feel about the whole hookup websites... thats just too damn scary. I do hope for Carls sake... and just because I really do like him... that I am single when he feels he is ready for me. I am an easy man to keep but I am a lot of man to deal with with.

Hmmm... I wonder when the next time I will see Christiano may be? I have been given the green light from Jaeryd. Maybe Christiano will be the next one on my list of Worcester Conquests! Language barrier may be a bit much to try and date him... but the language my groin speaks is universal.

-Daemian

The Overlooked...

A lot has happened since I moved here and a lot has not happened. So far I have overlooked some of the basics of my new life in my posts. I have to thank Jaeryd for keeping me grounded. Even when I don't want to admit it and I know it frustrates him... he has gotten me to admit it. Truth be told, this is why I love him. None of my other friends have ever been able to get me to stop, take a look at what I am doing, admit my folley and come back down. The man has a gift. Not even my ex could get me to admit things I do not wish to admit to or see. I am very thankful to have made such a friend. Three years of mostly an online friendship has given me the older brother influence I never got to have and until now... never knew I missed. So, thank you Jaeryd for being there for me.

So, back to things overlooked. I have been so busy obsessing over events, people and places that I have forgotten to talk about the generalities and fun I have had. Jaeryd and I have gone out to eat a few times so far. It has always been great! We went to this Brazilian grill the other night. I could not eat a lot of the stuff they had as sides because they had a legume of some kind in it. So I ended up eating white rice, some great french fries (they didn't need ketchup) and pork ribs. Of course given that I ate earlier I wasn't all that hungry so I ended up bringing the ribs n stuff home. Even microwaved the food was off the hook. Unfortunately my days of eating out must end. I simply can not afford it. But it was good while it lasted.

I have worked my first weekend at Blu. Believe it or not, I had a good time. At work... what the fuck? Yes chulos at work. I mean I get to socialize, be at the club, listen to the music, hear or even see the contests and what not. But it is a lot of work if you are not working the smoking area. The smoking area is easy. You just stand back there and people tend to behave... at least for me they did. Working floater is a lot of work but, I think, the most fun. You basically walk around the club, looking at peoples hands for drinks and their mark. An 'X' on both hands means the person is underage and cannot drink. A colored bracelet means the patron is 21+ and can drink. So you look for X's with alcohol in their hands. One sip and they have to leave, along with the person that gave it to him. Try to locate the patrons that are waaaayyyy too drunk, inform the batenders that they are not have any more alcohol and escort them out if they get rowdy. Even tho I was told I didn't have to unless asked, I still walk around and pick up bottles and empty glasses to return to the bar. But the walking around you get to meet people, talk maybe an occassional shake of the ass as you pass through. It can be fun. This Saturday I start training on working the front door. I both look forward to it and dread it. I have seen just how nuts it can get when closing time comes and people are drunk and trying to swarm the front to get their coats. But I look forward to being a prominent 'Don't start no shit' front door man.

There are a lot of cuties that come to the club. There was this one bear... OMG, he is so cute. He wants someone else that works at the bar, so I keep my flirting to a minimum. There is a whole drama around it tho that I ended up playing sympathetic ear and advice giver to the cute bear. I don't screw with peoples emotions or any shit like that, so my advice was intentionally free of my attraction. I gave him the advice I would give to anyone. He felt better after our short talk and I had to go back to my rounds.

The Cabaret Show was awesome. I even got my head put in some Drag titties, courtesy of Lady Sabrina ! It was classic cabaret with a few oh so slutty twists. Watching the Bartender and the Shot Girl do all but fuck on stage was interesting. I still think she turned him on a little bit. Ha! I was feeling my mistake. I won't say what it was, as a bouncer I don't think I should divulge that information, but lets just say it hurt and got worse as the show went on. During the intermission I had two strong Captain w/Coke within a space of maybe 5 minutes. Well, lets say the pain was just a minor nuissance. I ended up staying after the show and helping out around the club. The pain would come back every so often but I'm fine.

I hadn't gotten much done website wise. Been posting stuff on eBay. The part that sucks is that the inventory changes daily. So it takes me longer to get to new stuff. So the project is just taking longer than I expected. I guess I have to swallow my pride and accept my mothers help. I have always had to do it myself. It is not easy to have to ask mom for help. Then again, who said starting over was easy?

Til next time chulos!

-Daemian

Holiday!

Happy Holidays Chulos!

I hope everyone has a great holiday and that Santa left you all the hot studs you could handle under the tree.... complete with bows.

Mike is away with his family this holiday and tomorrow I go down to Jersey to be with my own family. To be totally honest, I feel better not having him around as a constant reminder of next weeks events. I slept well, jerked off a few times had full run of the place. I think my moving away will be for the best and will only speed up my healing from this whole ordeal. Granted there is the lingering fear that I am going to move and find that I can't live without him. But my boss gave me some advice... he said... as long as you still breath, you can live without him. Don't let this ruin all that you have going for you, because then you will blame that failure on the break up.

He is right, then he gave me a big bear hug and wished me luck. (He is on vacation this week and won't be here to see me off for my last day on Friday. He is my favorite person in the entire store. He was the one who hired me.

Apparently I will be getting my bonus before I leave... YAY! I need all the money I can gather.

This may not have been the jolliest of holiday seasons for me... but in interest of goodwill towards men and all that jazz... I'll smile for the day... and with that I shall say...

...Merry Christmas to all and to all a good lay!

I Don't Wanna!!!

God, I took a shower, I'm in my jeans and a T-Sihrt and I have to go to work. God I don't want to go. I know it will be a bazillion hours of pumping out shipping stickers, helping people with stupid internet problems in which the problem usually lies between the keyboard and the chair while at the same time not being able to just knock someones head off for pissing me off.

I have to go to work...

I don't wanna!

Dammit!


-D

Fine Mofos at work!

Oh... my... god.

We have this set of fratenal twins who workewd with us last year during the holidays. I didn't pay much attention to them aside from conversation... well because they are straight. This year the one who is an aspiring singer left and his brother who left at the end of last season came in. They are both buff but the brother that is here now is a multi-threat. He used to be a gymnast, a boxer and is now working construction. He is fine as fuck. Oh my god... and to make matters worse... he is paying an interesting amount of attention to me. He's got a lil bit of chub on him but it is melting fast. I told him not to lose all of it, for if he does he wouldn't be that hot to me any more. He then said, "Don't worry, I'll make sure you keep your eye candy." Inside I was like, AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!". I'd do him in the basement with the security cameras watching. He is that damn fine. Puerto Rican no less... as you boys know I tend to like em on the white side, but shit I'd let this dude make me his top bitch any day if I were single. He is not fine enough for me to jeopardize my relationship... but he is fine enough to jeopardize my job.

I mean, he did this thing that gymnasts do where they lean all the way back and go palm down on the floor behind them. Holding a perfect arch. Then he brought himself back up to full standing position with NO help at all. Just his core muscles balancing him and bringing him upright. I was speechless and my jaw was on the floor. I knew there was a good reason to want to fuck a gymnast and this sexxy fucker is it!

Anywho... I need to get back to work. I just couldn't contain this any more. I wish I was less ethical and was willing to put his picture up without his permission. Hell I wish I could get him to take his shirt off. *woof*

Maybe I can get a pic of him before the night is out.

-Daemian

Business, Friends and Shameless Self Promotion

Business is an interestingly strange entity. I am currently seeking emancipation from the 21st century's version of slavery... employment. I understand that not everyone can work for themselves and be able to live on it, but dammit I will succeed or die trying. I just don't have the personality type to take orders from someone who I am making a fortune for and only seeing a VERY small fraction of. So I have been working on doing for myself what I am currently doing for my employer.

As a tech for the company I work for part of my responsibility lies with the website. We sell all of our goods on it as well as in the store itself. I just did a complete overhall and redesign of the site that took all summer to get done and launched on the 20th of September. Since then I have had to rebuild the visiblity of the site via search engines etc. I have learned a lot about e-marketing, internet sales and customer service in this time. I held up my end of the bargain and increased sales on the web by 25% (Actually I increased it by 27.6% but who's counting). Why not do this for myself?

So I got my Federal Tax ID, awaiting my State Resale Tax Certificate, the bank account is live and active and the vendors are in place. Now just to finish the design of the site and it will be ready to go before the Christmas shopping season. I will be selling all kinds of electronic goodies.

Funny how this can affect current business friendships tho. I have been 10 times happier at work. Mostly because yes I know I am on my way to freedom, but also because the feeling of working here as a tech because I WANT to rather than because I HAVE to. This changes a dynamic profoundly. The little shit that used to bother me rolls right off my back. My friendships within the store are also changing. I had attempted self employment before and it didn't go so well due to lack of prep. My employer knows this and knows that I am looking towards being self reliant again. So I am not hiding what I am doing. This is changing the way I am treated by those I made a friendship with. Some have shown their true colors and are now kissing my ass more thinking I will hit it big and employ them. Some have withdrawn from me, they feel I am going to abandon them. The true friends are happy for me and wish me luck and have no changed their behavior towards me. Go fig, friends and business don't mix tho. So we will see where it goes, can't count my chickens before they hatch. I do plan on leaving NYC for a more suburban life within the next year or two, but even then I think I will continue to give the store tech support via the telephone and internet. Now I am here because I want to be.

This can be dangerous tho, in the sense of "the higher ups have lost control" over me. This can make them desparate and anticipatory of my leaving them during the most important time of the year for them. I would not do such a thing as my bond with the owner is deeper than that. But fear can make people irrational.

Shameless self promotion is next. The store is called Leviathan Electronics and the web address is www.leviathanelectronics.com. Expect the store to be fully operational within the next 3 weeks if all of the red tape gets cut down easily. So if you guys are looking for that gadget to get someone I will have a great store for you to do that with.

The video blog about my FABULOUS weekend will be created later today. I think I will try to rush my workout to get home before Mike so I can tape the damn thing, I don't know why I am so self concious about doing the video blog with him around.

Till' next time sweeties.. ciao!

- Daemian

Working on a Saturday

Yes... I... Mr. "I Don't Work Weekends!" am at work on a fucking Saturday. I had to come in this morning to upgrade the OS on the counter computers. Tons of weirdness with the Sales program but I got it all ironed out. Now of course I have to sit here and wait for an update from my bosses iPhone. Egad. Well, on the bright side I get to fuck with some of the people that aren't used to seeing me here. One of our stoner workers believed me for about 15 minutes when I told him today was Monday. So there is some fun to be had.

Well... I am sure I will have something better to post once I get home.

Dumb Mini Post of the Week!

Every so often I will do a dumb mini post. Usually just highlighting something I thought was funny at the time it happened but probably won't be funny after about 10 minutes. Anywho... on with the show.

So this morning at work I had to fix some idiots mistake. Lets just say it involved... gasp... manual labor. While I was working on this 'problem-created-by-cromagnon-macho-ish-idiots', the manager walks into the back area and is impressed at the job.

(And then I finally got to use a Just Jack line. It had been at least 6 months since the opportunity arose to use such a line.)

Me: So... this is fun... fixing stuff... sanding things... workin' up a sweat. Makes me feel like a man. No, seriously, I'd like a man after we're done with this.

Manager: Riiiiggghhhttt.

Manager: Were you ever a carpenter or something? This looks fantastic!

Me: Been a Carpenter? No... Did a Carpenter? Yes...

Manager: Riiiiggghhhttt.

God I love messing with breeders.