How Daemian Got His Groove Back...

I finally gots me interwebz. Wooha!!!

So I now have a couch, a loveseat and a huge 42" LCD HD TV! Dear lord. My apartment is slowly coming together. I have to start thinking about the walls and actually decorating. Gayness here I come!

It felt good to be back in World of Warcraft. The new patch is fun. It builds so much anticipation for the Wrath of the Lich King.

Next Friday is my Halloween / Housewarming Party. Can't wait, it should be fun. Co-Workers, friends... Homos and Heteros having fun together. What next? Dogs fucking Cats?

I am going to see my family the first week of November for my vacation. I have to make sure I hit NYC to have lunch with Walter, to drop off the keys to the old apartment with Mike and pick up a few things I left behind in the old apartment. At first I was apprehensive about this prospect but at this point I am just fine with it.

My Joey.... I got my groove back. IT is an interesting thing going on. I let my guard down and decided to allow myself to love someone again. I am scared shitless about it. I know that in doing so I have given him the power to hurt me. I don't ever want to get hurt again. But I decided that I want to live life. I can't truly live life if I don't allow myself attachment. I am in love. How do I know? A few key events. I miss him when he is gone, I am genuinely happy when I see him and... drum roll please.... I let him Top me. I enjoyed being topped more emotionally that I did physically. Physically it does nothing for me... but emotionally it felt fantastic. I enjoyed it so much because it was with him. I know that eventually this have to end. Either in death or in break up. Nothing lasts forever. I just hope this doesn't end too soon.

Update!!

So I don't yet have internet access but here is a small update.

My apartment is empty. I mean fucking empty. It's exhausting living there. LOL. But on the bright side I picked up some speakers for my computer today, gonna get my TV ordered and my internet access order through.

On the relationship front, I have started seeing someone. His name is Joey. He is oh so nice if a bit cunty. I like that tho. We are just in general... nice to each other. I respect him and he respects me. It's interesting how my expectations for a relationship have changed. I know what I had in the past with Mike. I know what we lacked and I now feel like I am deserving of it all. As such I have to give what I expect to receive. I expect respect... I have to give it. I expect loving behavior... I have to give it. He's a cuddler. I never really knew I had that in me... but I do. I love just being held.

I think I am falling for this guy. We have been talking for months now as friends and it seems that is what's working in our favor. As much as I have fought it, out of fear of course... I can't help this. He is breaking down my walls diligently. I don't want to get hurt. It can't be the right time. But no one ever got anywhere being afraid and if we all wait for the right time we may as well be waiting for Godot.

Well that is all for now.

Can't wait to get internets.


Laters chulos.

- D

A Most Stressful and Odd Week...

Talk about an odd and stressful week. I mean I find out last weekend that I have to find a new place to live. Long story. Then I seem to be slowing down at work but maintaining my numbers, for the love of God. Then I meet my Ex's... ex... Yes, you heard me. I had to live with this spectre of my Ex's first love hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles for the past ten years. Hell this has been a weird last 2 weeks really. I mean I had my first 3 way in over a decade, and it was HOT! Now this Ex's ex thing.

Well I think the even weirder part is that I didn't just meet my Ex's ex. I also kissed him. Talk about surreal. In talking to him further I came to realize that to him, Michael was 10 years ago. That those feelings don't exist for him. For me it's only be close to a year. It's still fresh.

We exchanged numbers, shared our similarly twisted and odd sense of humors... I mean... eerie.

So I am back on the hunt for an apartment or roommates. I am on my way now to check something out in Dorchester. I don't really know what else to say. I mean I just can't seem to get it all together in my head to talk about. So I am just giving you guys what has happened.

Oh I left out that there is a guy I like, but I don't date. So its even stranger.

Whatever...

- Daemian

There Is No Spoon...

I have had an interesting couple of days recently. I don't quite know where to begin as I sit here listening to the islanders have a wild party next door... full on with hootin' and hollarin'.

Perhaps I will start with my trip to Paradise. So last weekend, pay day, I decided I needed to discover a new place to hang out and take in the Gay Boston Nightlife. Of course I Was thoroughly warned by a coworker that it was a "sketchy" place. OMG... porn on the TV's it smelled funny and there were shady characters everywhere. MAD SKETCHY!!

A customer at work, a fellow top, had met me there at Paradise and we hung out a bit. I found out that the downstairs area tries to get you as drunk as possible. I asked for a rum and coke and what I got was a plastic cup that was rum with a hint of coke. 3 of those and I was done. There was a cute guy or two there... but as usual I was ignored. So I sat and watched the game of cat and mouse the boys played with each other that went absolutely nowhere. It was a waste of their time essentially. They'd spot each other from across the room, sweat wold bead up on their brow. They'd look at each other, then look away. One would be appearing to be making a move. I was on the edge of my seat. Is he finally gonna just take the guy, bend him over the bar and fuck him for all of us to see? Is he going to at least buy the guy a drink? He moves closer, they look at each other... hoping and praying to finally say a word. And then... nothing... the guy walks right by him to the bar, buys a drink, they look at each other again and with drink in hand... the guy walks back to the other side of the bar, and continues his creepy staring match. What a let down. Seems boys in Boston need to grow the fuck up and leave this puritan, repressed dharmic bullshit behind.

I stay til closing, chit chatting and continuing my watch of the failed games these boys are playing. The bar closes and I catch a cab. The cab driver then gets lost and given I was rather intoxicated, I didn't have the strength to fight the bill. I get into my room, turn on my computer log into bear411 and manhunt only to find a billion fucking messages. All of which said essentially the same shit. "OMG, where you out at Paradise tonight? You are so hot!"... well given this was the email everyone seems to have copied and pasted from each other to send, I in turn send a cut and paste email. It stated, "Yes I was at PAradise tonight. Next time grow a pair and say something to me... I'm actually pretty easy.".

I mean really.... boys are silly. The fact that I don't want to date only seems to be attracting more of these fools.

I spend the rest of my weekend going out and paying bills etc. This figures in heavily to what happens on Monday.

So... Monday comes around and I was supposed to buy a ticket to get to NYC for a few days. I check my bank account to ensure the checks I wrote cleared, as I got paid the previous Friday. Apparently Bank of America is full of idiots. Essentially... they fucked up the direct deposit somehow. So the money was there and available for the taking... but wasn't technically "take-able". So the checks cleared, the ATM withdrawals cleared (I don't carry cash.. it's a NYC avoid the bums thing) went through just fine. But when I checked my bank account.. 736 dolllars is missing. OVER DRAFTS!!!!!!

Every check that cleared incurred 35 dollars and every single ATM transaction incurred 35 dollars. Well this added up to be quite a bit + the amount of money actually taken out. I wish I could afford to have blown money on whores and booze. I'd at least have herpes to show for it. So I spent all of my Monday cursing out Bank of America and having them admit they made a mistake. I won't see my money for 14 days. I told them I was getting a lawyer and closing my account after I get my money back. This is the last time they screw me. I have 2 dollars in the bank as of right now. This is not the first time it has happened and apparently they screwed up the direct deposit of everyone I work with that has a bank of america account. I am so over this shit.

Of course, the fellow I was supposed to meet in NYC is pissed at me because I couldn't show up and refused to accept his offer to pay.

So Tuesday comes and I meet what I think to be a Kindred Spirit. He is 28yo and also just ended a 10yr relationship. Somehow my Hero Complex kicks in. I know what he is going through, as I was just there not too long ago. I am still healing from it, it would be nice to have a friend I could heal with. He is quite a cute one. We meet up in Back Bay and head over to Lir for a drink. Well we had this weird Raspberry and Pomegranate beer. It was interesting... didn't taste like beer. Then head back to my place. The entire time I am thinking about how cute this guy is. We will call him D. D has the cutest lil belly.. nice fur, baby face, a nice shape to his ass and is also a geek. What a find! Brains actually are a huge turn on. We hop the train to Forest Hills and the hop the bus. Talk about awkward. Trains are one thing but to bring someone you are going to fuck to your place via the bus.... feels sorta cheap. But remember... BoA screwed me and I had no cash for a cab. Anywho.. we get back to my place, sit out on the front porch and he pulls out a phatty. OMG and he smokes pot. Too bad I am not looking to date and he is fresh out of a relationship. Much like myself.. he needs to play the field a bit and not think about dating.

We get stoned and have a few laughs. I inform my roommate that I have a buddy over. We head to my room where we chat and laugh some more. I can't believe I actually dig this guy. If anything I totally want to be his friend. But I have to fuck him first. We lay down and chat some more... he heads to the bathroom and comes back and climbs on me then to my side. He looks at me, tells me he thinks I am cute. He leans in and I can tell he is hesitant, but I come up to kiss him. It is too soon to kiss for him, I can tell. But I am a kisser, its what I do.

I don't know how it happened but we were soon naked. It just happened that way... damn pot, he is suckin on my cock and I am fingering his hole and giving it a good munching. I never really liked doing that, but I know he cleaned out and I just sort of went for it. The more I fingered and licked the more feverishly he sucked. He lets out an "Oh!", this one is a noisy one. I like that. I then climbs to face me, I want to kiss him, but I know he is not there. I plunges himself on my cock and lets out a sigh. He tell me it is deep and begins to bounce up and down on my cock like a boy who knows what he wants and is not afraid to take it. A power bottom I see. He takes my pounding in a myriad of positions. On his back where I use all of my weight to plunge balls deep into him, on his side where I can just pound and pound and watch him bounce around like a rag doll on my cock. BEnt over.. he lays his torso down and keeps his ass high. Fucking this guy is fun. He knows that I won't cum until I am told to and he just keeps on taking it.

I don't know how long we go for, I don't even remember when he told me to cum. I do remember hearing him moan and get loud. Just hearing him almost made me blow my load a few times. I do know he told me to cum and I began to fuck faster and hard.. I explode in the condom and we lay there. He can only say one word for a few minutes... "Amazing"... followed with you can cum on command... amazing. LOL

I am flattered. I slept the sleep of the dead that night. I was hoping to wake up in the middle of the night and play a bit more, but I was in a deep sleep. Tho he could have pretty much raped me in my sleep and I would have been ok with it.

I walk him to the train station the next morning. It's right around the corner from my place. I like D. I like D alot. I want to be his friend. I want to go through this thing with him. I feel that we can help each other grow. I want to be his hero as I am for all of my friends. Friends with benefits is fine with me.

I am meeting him at the Alley tonight. Beers on him. He is totally welcome to crash with me as he WILL miss his train home. I expect to run into a few guys tonight. Who knows.. maybe he'll get lucky... maybe I will...

Wow... another post gone sexy!

I am still not looking to date anyone. Still hoping to find a hottie to fuck on the regular. We shall see how that goes. I have taken to using men and only the good ones will make it to my friends list. Otherwise, fuck em. ;) I am going to stop trying to bend the spoon and instead realize the truth... there is no spoon.


- Daemian

Next Moves and Being Slutty

I have reached 2 strange paths. Paths I had never thought I would have to cross. Well one of em' I knew I'd have to cross... but the other... not so much.

I am planning my next move with PTS, but I am unsure as to how to go about it. No... not asking him to be my BF just yet, more left to do... like financial security. But I do want to make seeing him a regular thing. Like once a week. But I don't know how to go about making that happen. I mean do I make a call and leave the ball in his court? Do I just forget about him for a bit and let him come to me? I hate this game and I don't play it very well. As a friend said to me, "What if he is doing the same thing and no one ever calls?". Which seems silly, doesn't it. I don't usual play this dating game... but what else am I to do? Maybe he'll call me back. I left him a message telling I should be at the Alley tomorrow night and staying with a friend in Somerville.

The other thing is my libido and how I have been indulging it waaayyyy too much. I don't know what I should do. I mean on one hand I love the attention, on the other I really don't WANT to be known as the guy who fucked all of Worcester. I mean given the reputation of others, I have a LONG way to go before that happens. I guess I just don't want to make a habit out of it that's hard to break when my special someone comes along. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my work situation leaves me with a lot of free time in which I occupy myself with sex. Perhaps when this Apple thing comes through.. less time might equal less free time for sex and my libido will calm down a little. Or it may not calm down at all and I end up fucking some co-worker or customer. LAWL

So the questions are:

Do I let him come to me?

and

Should I continue indulging my libido like a fat kid in a fudge shop with too much money?


- Daemian

Another Piece

This one is for The M.B Lounge here in town. I was accosted to help their local guy who is learning to make posters work on one for a leather night. I offered to do the main poster for them,the one that gets printed in Hi-Rez and will be in the window... not the fliar the guy is working on, as I know I could do better. So here is the Poster I created. If they like it, it will stay the way it is. If the guys at the MB have changes then it will change.I like it for what it is. Give the customer what they want. :)

Enjoy chulos!


- Daemian

Apple and A Piece...

Where on God's green hell do I start?

Well, why not at the beginning. So this Sunday I was able, with the help of my friend James, to make my way to Boston. I ended up staying with a friend and having a great time!(Upon some good advice, some things should remain private... from a good friend)

Apple Interview

So Monday morning we wake, shower and headed on our merry way. my friend had given me a ride to Peabody where I was to meet with Stacey, the MA recruiter for Apple. I met with her and the spoken interview went VERY well. I even shared with her how I was able to get FrankenMac back up and running despite it's file system issue, which seemed to impress her a great deal. She gave me the Tech Screening test and I did VERY well with it. Remember this whole thing came about by Apple contacting me, not the other way around. I did so well in fact that she would like to try and place me in the flagship store they are opening in May in Boston.

She has to do a background check on me, which will come up clean and failing the flagship store I will still get my first choice of heading to the Cambridge store. I have the Cambridge meeting on Friday if I don't hear back regarding the flagship. This is all to be a Mac Genius. If things go well I will be heading to Cupertino, CA in the next week or so. Yay! If I get this job... my life as it stands right now changes big time! I mean I can pay my rent, fix my license, get a car, move to my own place. I am looking forward to this. I mean I know I can not count my chickens before they are hatched, but I am keeping positive on this. This job is mine.

A Piece

Well I have been in talks with the President of the Northeast Ursamen about doing the Graphic Design for their events. What I have here is NOTHING BUT A CONCEPT. I like the way it came out. I am sure there are things to tweak and the photos I get will be from the Northeast Ursamen, so this is going to change a lot. But I like it. I hope they do too along with all of you chulos out there.

Enjoy!



- Daemian

An Update...

Well I haven't updated you guys on my own little reality. I have been talking. That's the best way to start anything right? Talking? Any how, I had told him about my meeting with the Apple recruiter and suggested hanging out. Surprisingly he said yes. So I find out today that my meeting will be this coming Monday at 11am. Yay!

Now as I I have said in the past, I am not looking to be parked outside of anywhere with a U-Haul the next morning. That if I come on strong it's just because I like the person and that we both should take our time. I know what I want and I know what I need to do. I need to make a life for myself. I need to get on the fast job track, I need to eventually move into my place for a bit and I need to financially stabilize myself. I know what I want... I want to get a dog, I want to get over my break up completely and I want to find a relationship with someone genuine, kind, smart, energetic, a sexual match and emotionally available.

It will all take time. So I will talk, show I am a great guy by being myself. It would be nice to have something good. There is much to be done. Til next time chulos.

-Daemian

PTS

As much as I would like to see more of PTS. I don't think I will. I mean I didn't put much hope into it. But I did like him. Something in my gut tells me it won't happen. Dunno what it is. Maybe he just got what he wanted and that is all. Who knows what anyone is really feeling.

I had to get that one out. Haven't ranted about a guy in a bit.

-Daemian

An Out of Hibernation Run Down!

Well the event was called Out of Hibernation and for good reason. All the bears were out en mass and a hot group of them it was. I had never drooled nor been groped so much before in my life. I met a lot of great people, but still struggling to see where I fit in. It's sort of been the story of my life, I don't fit in anywhere and spend a ton of time trying to find where I belong.

Friday:

My friend James picked me up around 2pm and we headed on our merry way. Me with just a napsack and James with luggage. LOL. Traffic was light, w ran into mild drizzles along the way but nothing earth shattering. We arrived around 5pm into P-Town where we took a short drive just looking around. We had spotted Michaels car (Superman logo gave it away to me) and figured he was staying at The Ranch, which he was. We checked in at the Crown and Anchor in which James had gotten a room with 2 twin beds in it. Given I had overslept, I hadn't eaten yet. So I was starving. We called Mike to come to dinner but he didn't reply. So we went to Betsy's on our own. Had the all you can eat Fish n Chips which was to do die for. But as my friends know, all you can eat is wasted on me. All I can eat is pretty much one dinner. But it was good. As I was having my after dinner smoke, I spotted someone... someone I had been speaking to for a while. Someone I am VERY interested in. He was there! We'll just call him Stud for now. Don't want our business as to who all over the place.

Of course James and I headed back to our room where I had to make like a diva and perform a mid concert costume change. I put on the Sodomight shirt and a grey button up over it, tossed on my leather jacket and we headed to The Ranch for the Bear Meet and Greet. Shock and awe is the best way I could describe it. Hot furry men as far as the eye could see. I mean the place is tiny, but full to the brim with bears. I was man handled, I guess it's that new car smell I have being a P-Town and Bear Event virgin. They smelled fresh meat like a rabid dog smells fear. Not that I mind it at all. I loved the attention. I never get that kind of attention. I had also gotten a chance to meet Mike face to face. I love this little man. I can only hope he and I become good friends... if not GREAT friends. I also ran into a fellow I had hoped to run into on Saturday but didn't, tho he did express that I was cuter in person. Go me!

As I am on my 5th cup of a rather strong punch, in walks stud. The man is damn beautiful. He came because he knew I be going. It was our chance to meet. He had 1 cup of the punch before we made our rather swift exit. Back to where he was staying, it was almost perfect. We had our 'appetizer' then our 'main course'. Three hours later we are both laying there sweaty and spent. I loved it. I loved making him feel good. But I won't go into too much detail like my other porn posts. This is about Out of Hibernation, although Stud shows up a few times in this tale.

So I leave him in his place to sleep and I head back out. I wanted to check out the other pubs around the area and I knew the group was doing the pub crawl. So I hit the 'Little Bar' which was packed with hot bears and it even had a dance area that was wall to wall hotties dancing. I decided to head to The Vault, which was right next to The Crown and Anchor. This place is insanely dark, has porn playing on the TVs and was full of hotties and there I run back into James talking to a few of his friends. Remember... I don't know anybody. So I just give him the "OMG I just had great sex look". LOL.

I drank a bit, talked a bit.. hung out with Ed a bit (El Presidenté of the North East Ursamen , King of the Bears in CT) and found we got along great. It was time to retire tho. Besides... I could barely stand, 3 hours of bangin' will do that to me. I get back to the room, James force feeds me a shot of rum and I was out. LOL.

Saturday:

I wake up trying to hide my hangover. Sunglasses FTW! It was raining and cold. We had sorta missed the Bear Stroll through P-Town but no mind... it was raining and cold. I somehow lost my umbrella. I know I had it when I left Stud the previous night. But whatever. James let me use his dollar store special and we headed out to check out the shops. We went into this knick knack shop that had all sorts of things. James found an umbrella he wanted and bought it. I found a hat I wanted and prayed looked good on me. (There is a story behind the hat I only relayed to those closest to me) We continued on. Went and had breakfast/brunch when we ran into Mike on the street. Paul and his two friend had arrived on Saturday and were there as well. I had a thing for Paul, sorta like a crush... but at this point I find him really interesting and would love to find out more and hopefully make a lifelong friend of him.

We finished up our brunch, head back to our rooms and Dave popped by. I was reading Coraline... again... and he came on in and sat down and the three of us chatted for a bit. Dave is a really nice guy. We got along great! He's as much of a horndog as I am. Alas we are both tops. LOL. So a new friend... yay! A few more pages into my book after Dave leaves and it is time for Bear Blast at The Vault. Well I head on down and see the bear meat hanging around and can only sit there. I was too intimidated to approach anyone. I just kept having that gut feeling I was not their type, I know I shouldn't be so insecure. No one approached me so I just left it at that. But then who should I saunter in on? Stud! I give him his space.. we stayed in differing parts of the bar for a while, but tended to gravitate towards each other and back off. It was like watching two wild animals circle each other waiting for the other to make a move. He flirts with others in a way I only wish I had the confidence to do. But I make my way over to him. A few gropes later and we find ourselves exiting The Vault and heading to the room I was staying in with James. I gave James the good old 'Give me an hour and half' routine. I was pleasantly surprised that Stud liked the hat on me. Tho I did hear word later that I look like I just stepped out of the Bronx in the hat. Is that a good thing? You can see for yourself in the post below how I look in the hat. Anyway... we make it to my room put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door and we go right for the 'main course' this time. Roughly 2 hrs 30 min later he heads for the shower and goes to get ready for the Boots and Boxers party. I then shower and get ready. I walk out to find James talking to the front desk guy. At which point I find out James actually came back twice before we were done.

Of course they laugh about it, James had to explain that he and I were only friends. Which we are and I am grateful to have such a friend right now. James then goes in to get ready for Boots and Boxers... I have a couple of shots of Rum and we head on out.

Boots and boxers was interesting. I couldn't get out of Bouncer mode. Working at a club will do that to you I guess. I danced a bit and had a good ol time. I had seen a few people that I have drooled over on Bear411 there, but I just couldn't muster the big brass ones to approach them. So I just looked from a distance. Stud arrived in his oh so sexy camo boxer briefs and was sexy as all hell in them. But he disappeared before the end of the night. I didn't get to say good bye or see you later. :-( But I was there and drank a lil bit more. Danced with Ed under the promise he'd tell everyone I was the hottest top ever. I didn't want to dance because I found out I come across as a bottom when I dance. But hell, Ed's bribe was enough to motivate me. So dance I did.

The music was 'ok'. That damn club is rubbing off on me.. but I would have preferred it if maybe Tony T was there as the sexy bear bitch he is. But we stayed and I dance and had a time avoiding someone. James got rather ripped. We make out way back to our hotel room where me and James talked for hours it seemed, while I read a book in between. Then James goes out for a cigarette and the funniest shit happens. It's a story that is only funny if you HEAR it. So if you wanna hear it you will have to hunt me down and listen to it.

Sunday:

We get up, get packed, check out and headed to the All You Can Eat Breakfast Buffet at Mike Oshay's. We sit with Dave and Paul and his gang. We eat, we laugh, we end the weekend. James and I find out that people thought we were a couple. I felt so bad. Maybe that's why he didn't get lucky? Did they think I would grind em to a pulp if they approached him? I dunno. But then I heard something sort of heart breaking. People would say things like, "I love Jimmy's new boyfriend! He is such a nice guy. Finally Jimmy is getting the man he deserves.". But alas we are just friends. It was sort of heartbreaking to realize that Jimmy is an amazing and odd fellow who really does deserve to be with a great guy. Not that I am a great guy... not that I am that guy for him. He is my friend. But I hope for his sake that someone just right will come along and sweep him off of his feet.

James stated to me his intentions for inviting me. He had only learned the day of the trip that I had never been to p-town so it wasn't about that. It was about showing me that life does go on. I am not some hideous mess that I think and envision myself as being. That I cannot hold on to the baggage of what is now my past. That other men should not have to pay for what happened between my ex and I. For me to just let it all go. Drop the baggage. Let other people in. I have a lot of self esteem issues to work through. I have a lot of self doubt to work through. I have a lot of insecurities to work through. But for this one weekend, I let them go for a bit. I still had some issues but they weren't what they had been. I learned I can get over it, I will be just fine and I can and will repair the damage I had allowed to happen over the past ten years. Do I fit in with these guys? I don't know.. but I will sure as hell try to fit in... but not as someone else, not as who I think they want me to be... but as just me.

James, thank you! You have no idea how much this has meant to me. I hope to return the favor for Bear Week if I can get my shit together.

Here are some pics. I only took a few, James took a few. We were both too distracted to get many good pictures done.

___________________________________________

Me: Boots n Boxers Party

Dave (the silly one giving me rabbit ears), Me and Paul: Breakfast at Mike O'shay's

A Leprechaun and an Easter Bunny... how cute: Boots n Boxers

Damien and Mark: Boots n Boxers

Me and 'The Hat' = Bronx Bear!

Paul Shakin' his money maker: Boots n Boxers

The Crowd: Boots n Boxers

Dave, me and Paul: Breakfast at O'shay's

Magger and James (in the plaid): Breakfast at O'Shay's

Pilgrim Monument

Me at the parking lot of the Pilgrim Monument

Me and James: Boots n Boxers

Special Request Edit: James Suggested I re-create the Do Not Disturb sign that hung on the door for 3 hours on Saturday while I had some fun. So here you go. Figure that I would make it all flashy. LOL.

-Daemian

Back in Town!

I had a fantabulous time in P-Town. I will write more on it later, gotta go help Jeremy before he has a coronary in WoW. But in the mean time. Check out this new Fed I picked up. Already got confirmation I look hot in it so shut up bitches... err.. I mean my dear sweet chulos out there. ;)



-Daemian

Out of Hibernation

So, I am here in P-Town... day 2. Day one was awesome! First the food at Betsy's was great. We had the all you can eat fish fry. Beer battered haddock and chips. Fuckin' delicious. Then there was the meet and greet at The Ranch aka The Raunch. This place is tiny. Imagine about 70 bears in something the size of your living room. Unknown to me there were other rooms, one in which had a sling. :-( Can't believe I missed that!

Anyhow, a bear I had been interested in for awhile came to P-Town for the event just for me. So despite all the gropes, growls and "Hot Damns"... he had a "reservation" with him. So for roughly 3 hours I banged the hell out of him. He went right to sleep afterwards. I love it when I wear a guy out. He was hot as hell too. Had nice big arms, a nice big muscley chest and an ass you can bounce a quarter off of. He loved every minute of it. Of course I was a bit tipsy and could have had my choice of hotties for round 2... but I don't trust myself when I am drunk so I didn't go there.

I drove down here with my friend James. We have a room with 2 twin beds which is nice. We are at The Crown and Anchor. I then did a slight bar crawl last night and ended up at The Vault. Hotties galore and what to my wandering eyes should appear but another bear I have had some serious interest in. Well he and I will be having some fun today. Then again... I have most of the day to have fun. James did inform me that his intent is to get me to relax, forget about my ex, let go of the hurt, let go of the distrust and to remember that I am alive. I tell you what. I may be lonely... but that will pass. I'll just get a dog. But as far as being single. I should embrace it. I can't let my hurt over what he had done stop me from a) being me and b) from having a good time with life. Truth be told, it's working. I have never felt so good about myself or my current situation.

This is my first time in P-Town and my first bear event. I am having a fuckin' blast and I cannot wait for bear week in July. If I get this job, I will have the money and the car to come to bear week and once again have a good time. So far I have met some great people and I have had some great fun. Trying to take as many pictures as I can take, but I am wwwaaaayyyyy too distracted here to be able to concentrate on pictures. Tonight is the Boots and Boxers party at The Vault. I have my boxers, my boxer briefs to go under them (I am not a whore dammit) and my boots. Wonder how many "Woofs" I am gonna get tonight?

I will post pictures when I get back home and can edit them. (not posting from my own computer)

P.S. Can you fucking believe it snowed. Yesterday was 50 and nice. Today was 38 with snow and sleet in the morning. Welcome to P-Town!

-Daemian

And I Dodged a Bullet...

(This post has been modified upon request apparently there is only one of this person in the world.)

Whoa...

Just.... whoa. I mean, damn... did I dodge a bullet or what. Dave freaked out because I linked his website and wrote about our date on my blog. Freaked out is sort of an understatement. He went absolutely apeshit. Just... whoa.

Now I am glad it did not go any further than it did. (removed upon request) I mean the only reason any one would freak out the way he did is if they are (removed upon request). I dodged a bullet. Talk about be careful who you date.

-Daemian

Hit and a Miss...

Well it would seem things between me and David are not going to work out. Such is life... as Jeremy says... process and move on. It's too bad tho, I really did like him.

That being said... maybe I should give Gino a call. He's this cute bear I gave my number to a few weeks ago. Yeah he gets back to me on this past Friday, at which time I tell him I want to see how this goes with David. Yeah...

But hell, maybe Gino would be a fun date. He is definitely cute enough.

-Daemian

I am back...

Ok.. after a very short hiatus I am back. I have calmed down and am focused once again. I have decided to not say what brought on the hiatus, the past is the past and it will just have to stay that way.

I also came back to say... I have met someone. His name is David. Big ol' Geek Bear, god I love it. He looks good in my Rangers jersey no less. He made it past date 3 and I think we will have a lot of fun together. There is a lot of potential in this. He is even my own age. Can you believe it!?! I barely can.

We are going to take it slow. We have established that we really do enjoy each others company so far. So I am thinking why not.. we can give it a shot. But slowly. I have NEVER felt this comfortable this quickly with anyone. Not even with Mike. I feel safe in David's arms. I am usually the one making someone else feel safe, so this is a nice change of pace. I have rediscovered my overly affectionate and nurturing side. He loves getting affection and giving affection. I have been starved of both. I don't feel self conscious about my body around him, I don't feel insecure, I don't feel that I am not good enough. He is a programmer that can teach me a thing or two and is a full time Linux user. God that makes me salivate. I won't need to teach him anything about UNIX/Linux, if anything he'll be teaching me. We have a great balance and compliment in terms of our technological know how and leanings. I am a video person. Very visual, very graphic design oriented... he is an audio person. You have got to see the boxes he built.

I think lightning struck twice for me and I am in post orgasmic bliss. Wish me luck sweethearts!

-Daemian

Along Came a Bear...

warning: The following post is once again about gay sex. If you don't like it you are reading the wrong blog.

Yes bitches... I am a whore. OMG. Well if it is any consolation I didn't pick this one up at the club. I was out this morning buying a meat pie and noticed this cute bear looking at me but not looking. Curiously we'd end up in the same isle as I was trying to find the drinks and such. Apparently he was in Worcester for the weekend, saw me last night at Blu thought I was hot and that it was rather bizzare seeing me in public. He lives in CT, his name is Johnathan and he is 42 cute as hell and a bear. Not too big... not too small... taller than me and a genuinely nice guy.

So we sat down, ate food and talked. The conversation was great. He was funny, I was funny we had a damn good convo. Then in the middle of the conversation I noticed he was just looking at me with a smile. I stop with my verbal diarhea and return the look. He then says I am a very sexy guy, though he guessed my age at 35yo, and was shocked when I told him I was only 28 and must be a baby to him. We talked some more and then numbers got exchanged. I told him my ex was 41 so 42 does not bother me but that I was looking to date guys within the age range of 28 - 36. He looked disappointed... at which time I then looked him in the eyes and said.. that doesn't mean we couldn't be friends or other things...

He knew exactly what I meant. I asked him iff he wanted to finish his coffee at my place. You know he agreed. So we come back to my place, sit at the table and continue our conversation. He then reaches over and strokes my hand. Gently. I am a sucker for a gentle bear. I lean across the table and kiss him. Spur of the moment and it works. Next thing I know we are making out with the table between us. I then get that urge. So I let go, walk around to the other side of the table, grab him by the back of his head and force our mouths together. It hurts but oh so nicely. The air in the room is magic and the fire in my lungs long for release. He then grabs my cock and I know what he wants. Which is just fine because I want it too.

I circle behind him and lead him to my room using the hard cock pressing against my jeans. We make it into my room and the clothe fly off and while I am standing there he takes my cock to the balls into his mouth. This fucker is hot and all I can do is surrender to him. He pushes me onto my bed and continues to go to town on my groin. This guy sucks dick like an experienced man aught to. I can tell he is hot for me and I am hot for him and the swelling in my dick is evidence enough of it.

Then he does what I love. He straddled me. He leaned in to kiss me and I pull him down. Deep, hard, long kissing. His lips are fantastic and his tongue is talented. I reach over to the stool on the side of my bed, grab a condom and some lube and hand them to him. He puts it on me and slides me into his ass. Tight and warm... he said he hadn't been fucked in a long time so we have to take it slow. I told him to take it as slow as he needs. Well that lasted for all of 2 minutes. Next thing I know he grabs my headboard and starts to gyrate up and down on me. He feels amazing and smells the way I expect a man to smell. The taste of his sweat and the feeling of his furry chest against me send my head into outerspace. He pumps and sweats and growls and howls. Then he cums. Wow... I love it when a bottom cums while I am inside of them. But he doesn't stop. He knows I didn't cum and he was aching for more. So he continued to ride and stay hard for me. I lean forward and swallow his cock while he is still riding. He shivers and next thing I know he cums again... this time he squeezes his ass hard enough to damn near snap my cock in half. This time I cum... and hard. I can feel him shiver from the inside.

After we cleaned up we layed there naked and talking. It was amazing actually. The depth and level on which we were able to talk about anything. We had the simple conversations about Project Runway and we had deeper conversations about people and their modes of being. I had a great time with a great guy.

The only bad thing is his age. I have already done the 13 years older than me thing. I don't want to revisit. I want to be with someone I can grow old with not someone who I have to watch grow old as I lag behind. Hence why I am restricing any dating prospects to my age or 8 years older. 8 seems like a good number to go above my age with. It keeps us in similar decades. :P

I am aware that my posts are becoming more... slutty. But such is the life of a single, very horny, gay man. I am enjoying myself to a degree. I do still want that someone to hold at night that will hold me in return. Perhaps when the games are over I will have that someone. Yeah I know, we all hate games me especially but Carl hasn't lost me... yet.

Til my next trist chulos...

-Daemian

What the Hell Am I Gonna Do Now?

I am insanely horny. I have to work tonight. I don't wanna hook up in front of Carl. What the hell am I gonna do now? Calgon... take me away!

-Daemian

I Aint Nothin' But A Horn Dog...

and man am I barking!! I went to do my laundry and got turned on by my own underwear. Aint that some shit right there?

Funny thing is I should be used to going without sex for long periods of time. But now that the chains are off my body is just in a testosterone induced overdrive. I would almost give a troll the time of day.... eeewwwwwww. I don't know what I am going to do about this. It makes me aggressive... like a hungry vegetarian. So of course all I can think about is ass and anyone who gets in the way is bound to get hurt. So shocked my brown eyes have not turned white.

So yeah... that's it.. just horny. Nothing else interesting to talk about.

-Daemian

OMG... Another 3 Posts in One Day Phenom!

Yes Chulos... 3 posts in one day... again! I haven't had this happen since my first post on blogger when I switched over from LiveJournal.

I just felt a need to post this. In a way I sort of feel like I may not want to try to quit smoking again just yet, but at the same time I feel like 'Hey no better time than the present!'.

So, I have a few smokes left in my pack and thought about just trying to drop it cold turkey. It is about as expensive to quit as it is to smoke with one exception. If you can successfully quit, the money that goes into quiting stops. While if you continue to smoke, the money that goes into smoking just continues. Then of course I have to keep in mind what we have learned from previous attempts to quit smoking. I have to set a quit date, I have to load up on gum and pot (LOL... takes the edge off) and I have to get into my 'stubborn' mindset.

So lets see... I want to have one last weekend of smoking and drinking fun... so how about this coming Monday? Can I handle working around smokers? I will eventually I have to work back door etc and have to deal with the smokers in the smoking area. Can I handle being friends with people who smoke? Tune in next week for the next dramatic episode of... 'To Stop A Smoker".

I drank so much this past week... I had to do a re-hydration routine. I have been drinking 9 - 12 glasses of water for the past 2 days. Urine is almost clear... meaning the crap I drank is just about out of my system. I avoid taking vitamins during a re-hydration so I am not fooled by the vitamins coloring. If I do go out tonight I think it will have to be under the influence of drinking Cranberry and Seltzer (looks like you are drinking a vodka and cran... so I don't have to look like a prude). Been going out at night trying to get used to a night lifestyle. Given my concentration is on working at night and trying desperately to get my business started during the day, it feels appropriate to just live at night. I may check out the 'MB' if I can figure out where the fuck it is. It is allegedly a good place to meet bears. Some eye candy wouldn't hurt right about now. But yeah whether I have to work or not I need to go out get my internal clock readjusted. Shit some really dense curtains to block out the light would help too.

I also wanted to thank you chulos for all of the emails and well wishes. I wish some of you would frikkin post them in the comments section, but hell I'll take it anyway I can get it. For those of you that have given me reason to have an inflated ego... thank you! LOL. I do enjoy reading about people thinking I am hot and interesting. Some of you... nice cock pics.. but c'mon... I'm a top. To those giving me contact info because you want a date, thank you but right now is not the best time. For 2 reasons, I can only concentrate on myself and 1 person at a time. But hey if it doesn't work out... maybe I will be on a date with one or two of you. Reason 2... I really like the one I am shooting for. Poohbear you are a sweetheart, don't let anyone else tell you differently. Yancopin, sweetie... I miss listening to you play the piano. Such great talent, you probably could have had me if you tried harder. :P Jaeryd, I think a big thank you and a bear hug (which I will give you next time I see you) should say it all. Especially given that you actually post in my frikkin comments area. Don't know what is with these guys. :-) Imin2bears... churl.. you better be careful of what you ask of me. You just might get it, then you'll be sprung. Bruce... my southern Louisiana gentleman, I am sorry I did not say good bye before I left. You were one of my first friends in NYC when I moved there. I do appreciate that you keep up on my blog and that you understand the hows and whys. You have been an insider in the relationship almost from day one. I had to leave before you got back and you know I wasn't about to fly to Amsterdam just to say goodbye to you on your vacation. Come up and visit tho.

Ok.. I think that is all the thank yous I need to give. If I missed anyone... shoot me. :P

-Daemian

To Get In Shape...

takes some serious hard frikkin work. Well as some of my readers know, the ones who know IRL, I have been going through a mid life crisis a tad early. A lot of "what's my purpose?", "what should I be doing with my life?", "why am I not where I expected to be at this time?", "wasn't I 17 just yesterday?". That type of thing. I jumped head first into my old learnings on Buddhism and went on a serious search. I found a lot of problems with myself when I took a serious honest look at myself. I have since been steady changing these things and understanding the ultimate truth in things. Yadda yadda yadda...

Zoom forward just a little bit... and we come to February of 2007. I had decided it was time for me to finally look the way I WANT to look. I don't like twink, I do like that offseason builder or Rugby player look. So I joined NYSC. Since that time I have lost quite a bit of weight... go me. But I am no where near where I want to be. So after about 3 weeks off, it's a weak story as to why, I jumped back in full force today... and it hurts. Hurts in a good way tho. Yesterday I did 10 miles on the cycles and today a full set for my upper body.

Something I wish to share with all of you guys tho, Body For Life by Bill Philips. This is an amazing program. Mike and I had gotten the book a few years... ok more like 7 years ago and it is still relevant today. Even better their challenge is still active as well. It doesnt call for crazy diets or insane workout routines. It's all about dropping the fat and replacing it with muscle. Given that I have been loosing weight I am starting to not like the sag I got going. So this seems right. I have been just going to the gym before but now I have a clear plan and path to get to where I want to be. Perhaps I will take a clothed pictured, full body, to show you guys where I am now and then take progress photos.

Something I am considering is posting my workout and eating journal as well. I would encourage anyone who is not happy with how they look to take control and go change it. If you have any interest in it send me an email or leave a comment. I would encourage my readers to participate. It's not about getting big unless you want it to be. It is all about getting in the best shape for you. You can affect your world and reality. Change what you can. The ability to do this is unique to us as human animals with free will.

This is my ultimate truth. Life won't change you, you change you. The things you don't like change. It works in every area of your life. If you don't like your job... change it... do what it takes to do the job you want. Don't like your body? Change it... do what it takes to change it. All things in their time, this is for sure... for me... 7 years ago was not my time. Now is my time... it can be yours too.