I Talk a Good Game...

I talk a good game. You know "Hey everybody! I am here and I am fine and let me find someone to make the happiest man in the world at least for one night!", is the good game I talk. Last night I got some seriously needed ego boosting. I could have gone home with at least 4 different guys last night. Shocked to say the least at the reaction I got. Instead... I realized something. When I was a teenager, empty meaningless sex was great. I had never made love before... I was merely fucking.

I know what it means to have sex that means something. Everytime I was able to have sex with Mike it meant something. So now that line I used to have... a very distinct line drawn between love and sex... is blurred. I could have done any of those guys, easily. But when it came down to it, I'd rather give my cock to someone who deserves it. I went on a "breakfast date" today. The guy was nice... he was cute... had an ass you could bounce ME off of and I would have liked to have had sex with him. But there was something about him. That connection that would make the sex fantastic instead of just good was missing. We were sexually attracted to each other... but I need more than that.

I guess once you taste blood you want more. I tasted sex with meaning, going back to sex without meaning just does not appeal to me.

But hey.. I WENT OUT ON A DATE! Makes me one step closer to getting my hair cleaned of 10yrs of cobwebs.

Details... well there aren't many. I have been in communication with a fellow from Match.com over the past month. Remember I only went to Match.com in retaliation of what Mike was doing in regards to personals and stuff. But he sent me a wink... he was damn sexy and taller than me no less. We sent messages back and forth and then I gave him my cell number. Well he called me at like 9am. You know I was slightly pissed. But he said he was sorry to call so early but that he was in Worcester taking care of some errands he had and wanted to know if I would be interested in our first date being breakfast. Well I said SURE, I shot up, showered but didn't shave (it's cold up here) got dressed and he was here in about 30 minutes. We went to some restaurant I don't remember the name of, I was still half asleep, and had breakfast. The entire time he was smiling and I am sure I was too.

Then he touched my leg. While I did get a tad excited I had to tell him that I didn't know him well enough to be comfortable :

a) to bring him to my place with my roommates after only having been here 3 days. Can someone say WHORE? I am sure my Blanche Deveroux like side will come back at some point just not now.

b) to have sex with him that would have no meaning. Don't want to fuck him and have it be wrong. I am not the same person I was 10yrs ago. 10yrs ago.. sure no problem. Bounce on it and all. But the me that has grown up 10yrs... says nah... maybe we need a second or third date before I give up my jumbo sized churizo (churizo's are pretty small so for me it'd have to be my jumbo sized churizo, not bragging just fact)

So what does all this mean? It means I have changed as a person and the things the younger single me would have done holds no water now. I need sex to mean something. That spark that Jaeryd always talks about, I understand it tho in a somewhat different relation . I need the spark to make the sex worth putting my feelings on the line. I know I sound like a prude... I am not I swear it. I am actually the biggest pervert you will ever meet with the largest porn collection you have ever seen. But I think it means that I am relationship oriented in true Cancer fashion. I don't want to give my Jumbo Sized Churizo to just anyone. I want to give it to a friend, a companion... someone who really could be my partner. I just don't know who that someone is yet.

So I will go out, have a good time and I am sure the urges of the flesh with put me out there once or twice. But I know what I am looking for. Well my bed has arrived and I will take a picture of it and post it. They are bringing the pieces in now so I must end this post.

-Daemian
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