Ugh...

Well I have got to stop going to Blu on my time off. I end up doing shit for nothing there. I am almost bored with the clientele which is making Blu more of a job. Which is fine I guess... it is what it is meant to be.

I am realizing how boring to myself I am. So thats not fun.

I guess until I get a car or a man (yeah good luck on that. So far all I have found are boys.) I am doomed to spend my days and nights looking at these 4 walls. Almost feels like I put myself in a prison until Spring comes. At least when Spring is sprung I can walk around the city and not suffer hypothermia. I can't stand this no car thing. I mean c'mon... no real mass transit system to speak of either... it's drive or be trapped. I can't even get a decent dayjob doing what I am trained to do without a frikkin car.

Yes the Bear and Mr.Thursday... they were fun, but unfulfilling. Maybe becoming a man of the cloth is in order. LOL. Could you picture that... if I don't like boys now.. I don't think priesthood is for me. LOL. Should I just go back to my voluntary drought? It at least made me a tad bit interesting. I mean like I said they were fun... but ultimately unfulfilling. Did I feel great? Yes.... Did I feel empty after? No. But is that what I want? Sex with fuck buddies that don't go anywhere because all it is... is sex? No. Maybe I should look at it as... I had my fun with two hotties... got reassurance that it is fun but still not what I am looking for. Maybe a voluntary drought is just what I need. As if 10yrs with Mike wasn't drought enough right? LOL.

Difficult indeed. But I'll make it. I have to. Just wish I didn't have to do it alone. I need a fucking cheerleader or something.

-Daemian