New Apartment!

Well well well... I found myself an apartment! It's a 1 bedroom apartment, so I will finally be living by myself. It's in East Boston and will only cost me $750 a month which is damn good for an apartment in Boston. The bedroom is TINY. I mean I think it will accommodate my bed... and that is it. LOL. The living room is pretty nice and the kitchen is HUGE! Eat in kitchen W00T! I am also on the first floor, which means the backyard is mine! BBQ's and parties baby!

I am intending to move in next week which will be fabulous if I can manage to get some help in the driving portion of it all. Let's hope!

Gotta have my Jaeryd come over and help me ring in the new apartment with booze and crappy movies.

Coming up on one year since me and Mike ended... I don't know how I feel about this quite yet. We shall see how it goes.

Wish me luck chulos!

;)

- D

A Most Stressful and Odd Week...

Talk about an odd and stressful week. I mean I find out last weekend that I have to find a new place to live. Long story. Then I seem to be slowing down at work but maintaining my numbers, for the love of God. Then I meet my Ex's... ex... Yes, you heard me. I had to live with this spectre of my Ex's first love hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles for the past ten years. Hell this has been a weird last 2 weeks really. I mean I had my first 3 way in over a decade, and it was HOT! Now this Ex's ex thing.

Well I think the even weirder part is that I didn't just meet my Ex's ex. I also kissed him. Talk about surreal. In talking to him further I came to realize that to him, Michael was 10 years ago. That those feelings don't exist for him. For me it's only be close to a year. It's still fresh.

We exchanged numbers, shared our similarly twisted and odd sense of humors... I mean... eerie.

So I am back on the hunt for an apartment or roommates. I am on my way now to check something out in Dorchester. I don't really know what else to say. I mean I just can't seem to get it all together in my head to talk about. So I am just giving you guys what has happened.

Oh I left out that there is a guy I like, but I don't date. So its even stranger.

Whatever...

- Daemian

There Is No Spoon...

I have had an interesting couple of days recently. I don't quite know where to begin as I sit here listening to the islanders have a wild party next door... full on with hootin' and hollarin'.

Perhaps I will start with my trip to Paradise. So last weekend, pay day, I decided I needed to discover a new place to hang out and take in the Gay Boston Nightlife. Of course I Was thoroughly warned by a coworker that it was a "sketchy" place. OMG... porn on the TV's it smelled funny and there were shady characters everywhere. MAD SKETCHY!!

A customer at work, a fellow top, had met me there at Paradise and we hung out a bit. I found out that the downstairs area tries to get you as drunk as possible. I asked for a rum and coke and what I got was a plastic cup that was rum with a hint of coke. 3 of those and I was done. There was a cute guy or two there... but as usual I was ignored. So I sat and watched the game of cat and mouse the boys played with each other that went absolutely nowhere. It was a waste of their time essentially. They'd spot each other from across the room, sweat wold bead up on their brow. They'd look at each other, then look away. One would be appearing to be making a move. I was on the edge of my seat. Is he finally gonna just take the guy, bend him over the bar and fuck him for all of us to see? Is he going to at least buy the guy a drink? He moves closer, they look at each other... hoping and praying to finally say a word. And then... nothing... the guy walks right by him to the bar, buys a drink, they look at each other again and with drink in hand... the guy walks back to the other side of the bar, and continues his creepy staring match. What a let down. Seems boys in Boston need to grow the fuck up and leave this puritan, repressed dharmic bullshit behind.

I stay til closing, chit chatting and continuing my watch of the failed games these boys are playing. The bar closes and I catch a cab. The cab driver then gets lost and given I was rather intoxicated, I didn't have the strength to fight the bill. I get into my room, turn on my computer log into bear411 and manhunt only to find a billion fucking messages. All of which said essentially the same shit. "OMG, where you out at Paradise tonight? You are so hot!"... well given this was the email everyone seems to have copied and pasted from each other to send, I in turn send a cut and paste email. It stated, "Yes I was at PAradise tonight. Next time grow a pair and say something to me... I'm actually pretty easy.".

I mean really.... boys are silly. The fact that I don't want to date only seems to be attracting more of these fools.

I spend the rest of my weekend going out and paying bills etc. This figures in heavily to what happens on Monday.

So... Monday comes around and I was supposed to buy a ticket to get to NYC for a few days. I check my bank account to ensure the checks I wrote cleared, as I got paid the previous Friday. Apparently Bank of America is full of idiots. Essentially... they fucked up the direct deposit somehow. So the money was there and available for the taking... but wasn't technically "take-able". So the checks cleared, the ATM withdrawals cleared (I don't carry cash.. it's a NYC avoid the bums thing) went through just fine. But when I checked my bank account.. 736 dolllars is missing. OVER DRAFTS!!!!!!

Every check that cleared incurred 35 dollars and every single ATM transaction incurred 35 dollars. Well this added up to be quite a bit + the amount of money actually taken out. I wish I could afford to have blown money on whores and booze. I'd at least have herpes to show for it. So I spent all of my Monday cursing out Bank of America and having them admit they made a mistake. I won't see my money for 14 days. I told them I was getting a lawyer and closing my account after I get my money back. This is the last time they screw me. I have 2 dollars in the bank as of right now. This is not the first time it has happened and apparently they screwed up the direct deposit of everyone I work with that has a bank of america account. I am so over this shit.

Of course, the fellow I was supposed to meet in NYC is pissed at me because I couldn't show up and refused to accept his offer to pay.

So Tuesday comes and I meet what I think to be a Kindred Spirit. He is 28yo and also just ended a 10yr relationship. Somehow my Hero Complex kicks in. I know what he is going through, as I was just there not too long ago. I am still healing from it, it would be nice to have a friend I could heal with. He is quite a cute one. We meet up in Back Bay and head over to Lir for a drink. Well we had this weird Raspberry and Pomegranate beer. It was interesting... didn't taste like beer. Then head back to my place. The entire time I am thinking about how cute this guy is. We will call him D. D has the cutest lil belly.. nice fur, baby face, a nice shape to his ass and is also a geek. What a find! Brains actually are a huge turn on. We hop the train to Forest Hills and the hop the bus. Talk about awkward. Trains are one thing but to bring someone you are going to fuck to your place via the bus.... feels sorta cheap. But remember... BoA screwed me and I had no cash for a cab. Anywho.. we get back to my place, sit out on the front porch and he pulls out a phatty. OMG and he smokes pot. Too bad I am not looking to date and he is fresh out of a relationship. Much like myself.. he needs to play the field a bit and not think about dating.

We get stoned and have a few laughs. I inform my roommate that I have a buddy over. We head to my room where we chat and laugh some more. I can't believe I actually dig this guy. If anything I totally want to be his friend. But I have to fuck him first. We lay down and chat some more... he heads to the bathroom and comes back and climbs on me then to my side. He looks at me, tells me he thinks I am cute. He leans in and I can tell he is hesitant, but I come up to kiss him. It is too soon to kiss for him, I can tell. But I am a kisser, its what I do.

I don't know how it happened but we were soon naked. It just happened that way... damn pot, he is suckin on my cock and I am fingering his hole and giving it a good munching. I never really liked doing that, but I know he cleaned out and I just sort of went for it. The more I fingered and licked the more feverishly he sucked. He lets out an "Oh!", this one is a noisy one. I like that. I then climbs to face me, I want to kiss him, but I know he is not there. I plunges himself on my cock and lets out a sigh. He tell me it is deep and begins to bounce up and down on my cock like a boy who knows what he wants and is not afraid to take it. A power bottom I see. He takes my pounding in a myriad of positions. On his back where I use all of my weight to plunge balls deep into him, on his side where I can just pound and pound and watch him bounce around like a rag doll on my cock. BEnt over.. he lays his torso down and keeps his ass high. Fucking this guy is fun. He knows that I won't cum until I am told to and he just keeps on taking it.

I don't know how long we go for, I don't even remember when he told me to cum. I do remember hearing him moan and get loud. Just hearing him almost made me blow my load a few times. I do know he told me to cum and I began to fuck faster and hard.. I explode in the condom and we lay there. He can only say one word for a few minutes... "Amazing"... followed with you can cum on command... amazing. LOL

I am flattered. I slept the sleep of the dead that night. I was hoping to wake up in the middle of the night and play a bit more, but I was in a deep sleep. Tho he could have pretty much raped me in my sleep and I would have been ok with it.

I walk him to the train station the next morning. It's right around the corner from my place. I like D. I like D alot. I want to be his friend. I want to go through this thing with him. I feel that we can help each other grow. I want to be his hero as I am for all of my friends. Friends with benefits is fine with me.

I am meeting him at the Alley tonight. Beers on him. He is totally welcome to crash with me as he WILL miss his train home. I expect to run into a few guys tonight. Who knows.. maybe he'll get lucky... maybe I will...

Wow... another post gone sexy!

I am still not looking to date anyone. Still hoping to find a hottie to fuck on the regular. We shall see how that goes. I have taken to using men and only the good ones will make it to my friends list. Otherwise, fuck em. ;) I am going to stop trying to bend the spoon and instead realize the truth... there is no spoon.


- Daemian

The One With a Soul Suddenly Becomes Soul-less...

I am sorry that it has been a while since I have last posted. Work has been murder. Between that damn new iPhone release and Tax Free Holiday I have been balls deep in tech support.

It is interesting to see how time changes. It is even more interesting to watch time change you and not have the soul to correct a damaged heart. Perhaps I am still heart broken, too heart broken to stop the changes I am witnessing within myself. I must admit that I am becoming jaded. Not bitter... just jaded. Funny enough the more flippant, nonchalant, egotistical, jaded and soul-less I become the more the hot guys seem to want me. And not just want me, but want to date me. I have tried dating and have come to the conclusion that romantic love is a farce. A trick of the mind. A chemical reaction that forces one to give up everything for someone else. To give 110% to someone who may or may not return the favor. I am not mad at life... life has been rather good to me. Lucky in life even. But love is on my shit list. Romantic love. As such I have done to myself what I have sworn I would not do. I am becoming one of those fags that use other men for sex and is more than content to be by himself. I hadn't lost all hope until recently. Perhaps it is the way I have been treated, perhaps it is who I have always been and just chose to not accept it. This isn't a blog post to bitch. It is merely to express my current state of mind.

I have become cold and I am to stubborn, too lazy or too heartbroken to change it.

It really hit me last night. I had this hot guy over... and I mean fucking hot. He was about 5'10, Blond with stunning blue eyes. An ass that was tight yet could be relaxed to keep one pelvis feeling good, ready and able. We had a great night. I mean it was worth every drop of sweat that we let out. In the end I told him I would love to see him again. As I am not looking to be a slut and would like something more steady. He then said, "I would love to, but I am unable to date you." To which my response was, "*laughter* Hon... I don't want to date you. I just want to fuck you.". The look on his face was one of disappointment. As if he was really just playing hard to get and was upset that I was not playing into the game. Perhaps he was just used to every trick he has falling in love with him and I for once did not. Who knows... but what I do know is that in that instant... that moment in time... I had lost my soul.

I woke up this morning rather cold, flippant and arrogant about the day that lay before me. I can almost predict exactly what will come, how I will handle it and that I will do it with style. I guess I have always been self centered, perhaps that is why Mike and I crumbled. Although he had all of me I don't think he truly knew it nor felt it. I don't have to worry about making that mistake again. I know I hurt him more than he hurt me when I broke up with him. I had always threatened it but never did it. When it was real this time I know it crushed him. I did it because of how I felt. It was always about me. Well I do see. I am all about me and I am either too lazy, too stubborn, too arrogant or too heartbroken to change it. I don't need to be fixed.


- D

Perhaps Acceptance...

Been going through some odd feelings lately. I have been coming to grips with the fact that I would have welcomed not being single, I would have gladly taken a new partner, though I was not ready for it. My decision would have been hasty even. I know, I know... didn't Jaeryd try to tell me that? Of course he did. I would have even done well in a relationship being not ready, it's just part of who I am. I am good at the things I do.

But, now... I don't know so much. I am coming to grips with being single. Slowed down the whole being slutty thing has put a lot into perspective. I don't know nor truly understand what it is just yet. But I do know I am enjoying the new found freedom. Don't even know if I particularly want a partner right now. Oh my god... did I really just say that? Perhaps it's just my strangely manic mode? Perhaps acceptance has really set in?

I have gone on a few dates, trying to find that "Mike" replacement, only to find none of us are really replaceable.. Would I really want to "replace" him anyway? Shouldn't I be looking for something or someone different? Well I have pretty much stopped looking, stopped dating, stopped being desperate. Don't get me wrong, I will still look at every hot guy like he was a piece of meat... but hey I don't have to go there in reality ya know. I also know I don't want to relive all of the mistakes I made along the way.

I don't really know what this all means. I don't, I mean this is a first for me in terms of life experiences. So I don't know what to expect or what to do. But I do know this... now that I am not really looking for a relationship.. watch someone tries to toss one on me. LOL. Go fig.

Well, enough of this weird, woke up from a dead sleep with an inkling to blog rambling. Talk to yas later.

- Daemian

New Information and a New Home

New Information:

So I work for Apple at the new Boylston Street store. As such I have the opportunity to meet a lot of new people and with that come the opportunity to see a lot of old acquaintances. I run into an old teacher who works at MIT. The teacher recounts how intelligent I was, go figure. He then makes a proposition, he wants me to come by and take an IQ test. Stating he was always curious and has had the chance to work on the creation of a new IQ test. So far his results, according to him, have been shocking and surprisingly accurate. At first I decline, but he is persistent stating his curiosity of my intellect versus my behavior as his motivating factor. The teacher had been one I confided in a while ago regarding my childhood, childhood events etc...

Reluctantly I agreed. So I met with him earlier today, took the test which also consisted of a psychological evaluation. Well I am more than slightly surprised. The teacher did not disclose my psych scores but did reveal my IQ test scores. Genius level IQ begins at 140, I scored 138. I scored 2 points shy of genius. He made me take the test again, of course the questions were different, I was hoping to cheat the test, lol. Nope I couldn't cheat the test... second test I scored 139. He tested me a third time and I again tested 139.

He wants me to come back and work with him on a few things. I don't know what these things are. I told him I would think about it. My work schedule keeps me pretty busy and is mentally exhausting.

I wonder what he found in my psych evaluation and why he would not share them with me.


New Home:

So I have been here for 3 or 4 weeks now. My roommate has been gone for the past week, he had to go to his sisters wedding. This has been an interesting time for me. I have been essentially learning how to live with only myself. I had gone out Saturday and Sunday... shockingly enough I had fun. I don't know how or why. I went out Saturday and saw a few friends there and we hung out, drank and chatted. I even got the phone number of a cute lil fella. Sunday I went out for Karaoke after work and had a ball. I sang 3 songs and got standing ovations from the local bears. I think Karaoke night will be a regular thing for me.

That being said, I find myself missing my weekly dinner with Jeremy. I am thinking I have to find a way to get to Worcester once a week so he and we can resume our weekly ritual.

Oh well, there is really nothing new aside from that.

Later chulos!

- D

One Night Stand...

Ever have a one night stand that left you feeling like this?

Now as the summer fades
I let you slip away
You say I’m not your type
But I can make you sway

It makes you burn to learn
You’re not the only one
I'd let you be if you
put down your blazing gun

Now you’ve gone somewhere else
Far away
I don’t know if I will find you (find you, find you)
But you feel my breath
On your neck
Can’t believe I’m right behind you (right behind you)

‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again
I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight

Sometimes you move so well
It’s hard not to give in
I’m lost, I can’t tell
Where you end and I begin

It makes me burn to learn
You’re with another man
I wonder if he’s half
The lover that I am

Now you’ve gone somewhere else

Far away
I don’t know if I will find you (find you, find you)
But you feel my breath
On your neck
Can’t believe I’m right behind you (right behind you)

‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again
I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight

Baby, baby
Please believe me
Find it in your heart to reach me
Promise not to leave me behind
(Promise not to leave me behind)

Take me down, but take it easy
Make me think but don’t deceive me
Talk to me bout taking your time
(Talk to me, talk to me)

‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again
I don’t mind
‘Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight

‘Cause you keep me coming back for more
And I feel a little better than I did before
And if I never see your face again
I don’t mind
‘Cause we got much further than I thought we'd get tonight

Maroon 5.. I don't love em, but I like this song. I can relate to it. A one night stand that I would LOVE to see again.

- D