Talk about a battle for the ages. A clash of the titans. A Battle Royale... hell This is a heavy weight bout. Strongest wins!
I have had a most fucked up day. To top off all of my frustrations all I wanted was a cigarette. I mean I fought tooth and nail today. I didn't fall... maybe I can keep this up. The urge was strong... but I was stronger. I just figured I'd throw that short blah out there. I needed to say it to someone, may as well be you chulos!
I fought and I won today. 18 Days, 11 Hours and 4 minutes nicotine free. I have no doubt I will fall at least once, I am a clumsy beast... but this time is different. I don't want to smoke anymore.
Laters chulos!
- D
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A Sign of The Future?
Well I am finding myself craving Jason more and more. Things are just goin damn well. I could not invent a more suitable match for me. I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with him. Can't believe how lucky I am. This does present a minor issue... time.
I have work, friends and now my boyfriend. I have to find a way to mix all three. Work is my biggest hurdle. If I can normalize my schedule I can manage it all. The past 2 weeks have been full of 11 to 8 hours. They suck! By the time I get home from work on those days my friends are asleep and my boyfriend isn't far behind them. Once these hours get right my whole week changes. The time budget grows and I can live a bit more of my life.
Jason and I will be doing our first weekend away on Valentines day weekend. I am very excited! I mean I have only ever done one weekend away with Mike. We went to VA Beach with Tommy and all we did was argue. The trip there, the entire weekend and on the trip back home. This time will be different.
Attempted to efile my fed taxes... I didn't get a pin number last year... so I had to just put 0 in my AGI field. Uuughh.. I hope they don't reject it. Mailing in the taxes can cause 5 to 10 weeks before I get my return. Ick.
Got game night with my 2 dads this Saturday. I am dragging Jason along, perfect opportunity for me to spend time with my friends and my boyfriend.
Dare I say I am completely in love? Never experienced something like this before. Wow... me? In love again? Who knew? But here I am... in love.
Now for my next trick... the resurrection of Harry Houdini!
-D
I have work, friends and now my boyfriend. I have to find a way to mix all three. Work is my biggest hurdle. If I can normalize my schedule I can manage it all. The past 2 weeks have been full of 11 to 8 hours. They suck! By the time I get home from work on those days my friends are asleep and my boyfriend isn't far behind them. Once these hours get right my whole week changes. The time budget grows and I can live a bit more of my life.
Jason and I will be doing our first weekend away on Valentines day weekend. I am very excited! I mean I have only ever done one weekend away with Mike. We went to VA Beach with Tommy and all we did was argue. The trip there, the entire weekend and on the trip back home. This time will be different.
Attempted to efile my fed taxes... I didn't get a pin number last year... so I had to just put 0 in my AGI field. Uuughh.. I hope they don't reject it. Mailing in the taxes can cause 5 to 10 weeks before I get my return. Ick.
Got game night with my 2 dads this Saturday. I am dragging Jason along, perfect opportunity for me to spend time with my friends and my boyfriend.
Dare I say I am completely in love? Never experienced something like this before. Wow... me? In love again? Who knew? But here I am... in love.
Now for my next trick... the resurrection of Harry Houdini!
-D
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Drunk Blogging
So here I am. I had a night of watching Torchwood episode and drinking with my buddy Seamus. Feeling rather lovely. Sorta miss hold Jason tonight, but enjoying having time with my buddies. I wonder how long I will stay awake.
Bought vodka for Seamus as I owe em a bottle and picked myself up some Jaeger. Jaeger and ginger ale make an interesting comba. Gonna lay down now... maybe watch hitman and be happy with it all. ;).
-D
Bought vodka for Seamus as I owe em a bottle and picked myself up some Jaeger. Jaeger and ginger ale make an interesting comba. Gonna lay down now... maybe watch hitman and be happy with it all. ;).
-D
WOW!
Wow! And I am not talking about the game. If someone said to me I would be head over heals for someone a month ago I would have slapped em in the mouth for blasphemy. But here I am... head over heals for Jason.
He stayed over last night. I made dinner, we watched TV, went to bed, held each other most of the night. It was bliss.
I love how effortless this all is. Things just fit. We get each other, I rarely misunderstand what he means when he says something... unless I am faking it to get I'm to spell things out. It's awesome! Trust me I know relationships have peaks and valleys. But I was looking at him last night and felt I could not be angry at him for long. I am happy. Funny that.
Work has been trying to say the least. Some newbs are here and are getting a little too big for their britches. The hours are taking their toll on me. I can't do the same things a 20yo can in terms of the hours they put in. I just have to make it to april 20th. That's one year and I can either transfer or move up. I am looking to the future tho. So I am sprucing up the resume' and trying to find a higher ground just in case things don't go as planned with Apple.
Got a new phone that is allowing me to blog on the go, so I should be able to post more often seeing as I can post on the go. All in all life is falling back in line. I hope to continue the upward trend.
Later chulos!!
-D
He stayed over last night. I made dinner, we watched TV, went to bed, held each other most of the night. It was bliss.
I love how effortless this all is. Things just fit. We get each other, I rarely misunderstand what he means when he says something... unless I am faking it to get I'm to spell things out. It's awesome! Trust me I know relationships have peaks and valleys. But I was looking at him last night and felt I could not be angry at him for long. I am happy. Funny that.
Work has been trying to say the least. Some newbs are here and are getting a little too big for their britches. The hours are taking their toll on me. I can't do the same things a 20yo can in terms of the hours they put in. I just have to make it to april 20th. That's one year and I can either transfer or move up. I am looking to the future tho. So I am sprucing up the resume' and trying to find a higher ground just in case things don't go as planned with Apple.
Got a new phone that is allowing me to blog on the go, so I should be able to post more often seeing as I can post on the go. All in all life is falling back in line. I hope to continue the upward trend.
Later chulos!!
-D
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A New Year, a New Beginning...
Hey chulos! Life has been making it very difficult to blog regularly. So here is New Years update for yas.
A lot has happened since I last blogged about my wretched attempt to fit a square peg into a round hole. Man I must have desparate. He wasn't even that hot... shallow I know, but it's like why did I try so hard. So of course after a month of "men suck" and "how could I be so stupid"... without even trying someone found me. Totally unexpected. I mean we just clicked. Round peg, round hole. We have seen each other quite a bit over the past few weeks and it has all been effortless. it just works. Wow... now this I can see going somewhere. Hell he is even turned on by my intellect. He is very outside my box... but even Seamus thinks we match very well. Seamus is very protective of me so for him to think someone is good for me is huge.
New Years Eve was fun. Went to a bear event in connecticut. The event was fun. The after party was better. Consisted of me and our host drinking vodka cran all night long.
I miss my Jeremy terribly, work has me ll kinds of busy so i can barely even play wow. I have to eek out some time so Jeremy can meet my new beau Jason.
Later Chulos!
D
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
WoW and Stardust
Enough about my drama, and drama it is.... back to a better blog.
I recently saw Stardust. For those of you who don't know, of all the modern writers my personal favorite has become Neil Gaiman. A former comic book writer the man has a gift for dialogue, irony, a neat surprise and setting a great stage. I have been reading all of his books and one of the more fun books was Stardust. Well it is no secret that Stardust was made into a movie starring none other than my favorite feline female... Michelle Pfieffer. The movie was amazing and in an almost perfect styling the show was stolen by... you guessed it Robert DeNiro. Playing our most merry of Gay pirates his performance was top notch. Who knew he had it in him.
I have got to get this movie on DVD. It was amazing, fun and classic fantasy.
On to my favorite obsession, WoW. Wrath of the Lich King has dropped and it is absolutely amazing. The graphic enhancements are phenomenal. The story has been advanced with a new game mechanic paving the way for WoWs future. Phasing. The game world will now change with the actions you take. Granted these changes are only viewable by those who have also completed said quest lines, the changes are made none the less. Most notable, from what I hear, is The Battle for Wrathgate. It features a cinematic cut scene, a battle for Undercity that changes the city for a short duration and the eventual outcome that changes the surrounding area of Wrathgate after being incinerated by the Dragons. Fun and genius.
The real draw tho has to be the Death Knight, WoWs first Hero Class. This class is amazing. The playstyle, mechanics and power has me hooked. Here is my Death Knight... lvl 72... Xristian.
- D
I recently saw Stardust. For those of you who don't know, of all the modern writers my personal favorite has become Neil Gaiman. A former comic book writer the man has a gift for dialogue, irony, a neat surprise and setting a great stage. I have been reading all of his books and one of the more fun books was Stardust. Well it is no secret that Stardust was made into a movie starring none other than my favorite feline female... Michelle Pfieffer. The movie was amazing and in an almost perfect styling the show was stolen by... you guessed it Robert DeNiro. Playing our most merry of Gay pirates his performance was top notch. Who knew he had it in him.
I have got to get this movie on DVD. It was amazing, fun and classic fantasy.
On to my favorite obsession, WoW. Wrath of the Lich King has dropped and it is absolutely amazing. The graphic enhancements are phenomenal. The story has been advanced with a new game mechanic paving the way for WoWs future. Phasing. The game world will now change with the actions you take. Granted these changes are only viewable by those who have also completed said quest lines, the changes are made none the less. Most notable, from what I hear, is The Battle for Wrathgate. It features a cinematic cut scene, a battle for Undercity that changes the city for a short duration and the eventual outcome that changes the surrounding area of Wrathgate after being incinerated by the Dragons. Fun and genius.
The real draw tho has to be the Death Knight, WoWs first Hero Class. This class is amazing. The playstyle, mechanics and power has me hooked. Here is my Death Knight... lvl 72... Xristian.
- D
Mixed Emotions and Freeing Oneself
So I have just been a big ol' bag of emotions the past few weeks. This has been a VERY hard year and an even more difficult holiday season.
Still getting used to being alone. This shit is much harder than it looked on paper. Basically for the past billion years I have not ever been alone. Went from home to roommates to a husband to roommates. Being on my own has been hard. I have been in such a mad dash to find another boyfriend that I lost track of what it is I should be doing. Seems I bore myself to tears. I was so blinded by this that I entered into a relationship that proved to be more drama than I needed and only left me feeling more lonely. Yeah...
To top it all off this is my first holiday season without my family being within arms reach. Talk about depressing. It's also a season of painful anniversaries. Thanksgiving was when I realized me and my husband had to end, this Thanksgiving made year one of that pain. This entire month of December marks the one year anniversary of living with my ex and dealing with the damage that inflicted. I have been working a shit ton and trying to build lasting friendships. So I have been having a very hard time dealing with my emotions. Dealing with the relationship that is so hot and cold only made things worse. So I am gonna just try and enjoy being alone. Don't know how I am gonna do that.. but I have to give it a shot. Feels like I keep respeccing my life. WoW players will get that one, and my fellow WoW-mates will totally agree that it's my M.O. LOL.
Some days I could cry all day, some days I am content, some days I could beat the crap out of every person I see, some days I just miss my family, some days I miss my Mike, most days I miss Jeremy. Been considering going back on meds as this is feeling a bit more manic than I am used to dealing with. I mean I even got into a fight in which I all but obliterated some asshole. Granted.. he had it coming in calling me a faggot, but I hadn't lost control like that in years.
I then find out one of my old clients and someone I considered a friend died of cancer a few days ago. I guess one really can't just leave it all behind. You can't do it because you leave a mark everywhere you go. I felt selfish, spoke to his wife and she said how he was upset I was no longer in NYC and that he often spoke of me fondly. I felt terrible that I hadn't been in contact with him since my move. I was selfish in just picking up and leaving. So there is also my dealing with those emotions. Who knows tho.. if I can come out of this ok without meds it would make me that much stronger, if I got back on the meds its just me using a crutch. taking the easy way out.
I am very thankful in that I have made 2 VERY good friends. Mike and Seamus. They have been taking good care of me here in Boston, but I often feel like the third wheel. They are married.
I am so confused. If I can make it to January 3rd, the anniversary of my true freedom... perhaps I will be ok.
- D
Still getting used to being alone. This shit is much harder than it looked on paper. Basically for the past billion years I have not ever been alone. Went from home to roommates to a husband to roommates. Being on my own has been hard. I have been in such a mad dash to find another boyfriend that I lost track of what it is I should be doing. Seems I bore myself to tears. I was so blinded by this that I entered into a relationship that proved to be more drama than I needed and only left me feeling more lonely. Yeah...
To top it all off this is my first holiday season without my family being within arms reach. Talk about depressing. It's also a season of painful anniversaries. Thanksgiving was when I realized me and my husband had to end, this Thanksgiving made year one of that pain. This entire month of December marks the one year anniversary of living with my ex and dealing with the damage that inflicted. I have been working a shit ton and trying to build lasting friendships. So I have been having a very hard time dealing with my emotions. Dealing with the relationship that is so hot and cold only made things worse. So I am gonna just try and enjoy being alone. Don't know how I am gonna do that.. but I have to give it a shot. Feels like I keep respeccing my life. WoW players will get that one, and my fellow WoW-mates will totally agree that it's my M.O. LOL.
Some days I could cry all day, some days I am content, some days I could beat the crap out of every person I see, some days I just miss my family, some days I miss my Mike, most days I miss Jeremy. Been considering going back on meds as this is feeling a bit more manic than I am used to dealing with. I mean I even got into a fight in which I all but obliterated some asshole. Granted.. he had it coming in calling me a faggot, but I hadn't lost control like that in years.
I then find out one of my old clients and someone I considered a friend died of cancer a few days ago. I guess one really can't just leave it all behind. You can't do it because you leave a mark everywhere you go. I felt selfish, spoke to his wife and she said how he was upset I was no longer in NYC and that he often spoke of me fondly. I felt terrible that I hadn't been in contact with him since my move. I was selfish in just picking up and leaving. So there is also my dealing with those emotions. Who knows tho.. if I can come out of this ok without meds it would make me that much stronger, if I got back on the meds its just me using a crutch. taking the easy way out.
I am very thankful in that I have made 2 VERY good friends. Mike and Seamus. They have been taking good care of me here in Boston, but I often feel like the third wheel. They are married.
I am so confused. If I can make it to January 3rd, the anniversary of my true freedom... perhaps I will be ok.
- D
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