With the coming of a Gay Black Renaissance, the opinion of gays in the black community is starting to turn for the better. But while it is starting there is still a blight in the community. A disease that encourages hatred, fear and misunderstanding. It's roots lie in a hyper masculine ideal that is put forth in our community. The irrational love of the "Thug Life", the idea that men are supposed to be tough and would never take a position of subservience.
This plague leads to many gay black men perpetrating a fraud. They get involved with women and play with men on the side living in fear that one of their "boyz" will find out. This is nothing short of lying and a disgusting display of weakness, plain and simple. Perhaps there is also the rush of doing something wrong coupled with fear that is playing into the behavior. It was best said that, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.". These are men not being themselves and exacerbating this preconceived notion of the "evil disease spreading fag" and hatred for gay men everywhere. Lives of women and children are ruined by this behavior. The self destructive nature of the DL lifestyle is not helpful in the fight for gay rights either.
Now this is definitely something hard for me to understand as a gay black man. I don't really recall ever spending any of my adult life in the closet. The beginning of my high school career did start with my being closeted out of fear. But eventually the fact that I was treated like an outcast for not following crowd allowed for me to comfortably come out. What did I have to fear after all, "they" treated me as an outcast anyway. I had nothing to lose. This afforded me the gift of being spared from the stigma that comes from being an out gay black man and lessened my need to be on the DL. So I can only speak on the subject from the outside looking in.
I have dealt with the "My wife would kill me if she knew" types. The DL life is not confined to the black community at all. The irrational fear of retaliation and expulsion from social groups and family effect weak willed men from all walks of life. The end result is the same. A shattered home, lowered self esteem and the further tarnishing of gay men. We are now seen as liars, cheats and homewreckers due to the actions of the weak.
Living a gay life is perhaps the hardest thing in the world to do. If there is anything that unifies religions and races it is the hatred and fear of the homosexual. So it is understandable that this would put fear into the hearts of many that are gay and choose to lie about it. The stress of living as who we are can be astounding. The stress of living a lie is larger still.
Many groups are beginning to accept gay life more and more. This is seen the least in the black and hispanic communities in which the idea of only the strong survive and being gay is seen as a weakness as opposed to the strength it really is is prevalent. Every black man has 2 strikes against him in life. He is black and he is male, this is something that comes with the territory. If you make it past the age of 18 as a black male without ending up in prison or dead you have already beaten the odds. Black gay men have the added pressure of being gay to deal with. We have to be stronger than we ever imagined in order to just live life. As a black male you at least have the support of your community behind you. As a gay black male that support is stripped from you. Is it any wonder that life on the DL proliferates the way it does?
What will it take to fix this? It will take a cultural shift starting from the bottom. What I tend to do in order to shift opinions of gays is to attack the issue from 2 different sides. Scientific and cultural history. The cultural history of gay men being the top choices as military strength and spiritual leadership is a very positive view and fact. We were often chosen for these roles as we did not leave families behind during the time of war, leaving family men as a last resort for military power. This kept families in tact and made a niche for gay men to fill. This role is a constant in primitive human culture. The other niche is as spiritual leadership in tribal society. We were the Shaman and medicine men of that age. Another role that was a constant in primitive right on up to modern human culture world wide. The scientific portion being population control. I know some don't wish to be seen as herd thinners the fact still remains. Humans have very few natural predators. As such without people who "don't breed" the human population would be more out of control than it currently is. Yes lesbians can have children but if they were living without the option of sperm banks and doners they too would be childless. Everything in nature has a check and a balance outside of mankind. Logically speaking a homosexual is an obvious genetic anomaly necessary for the continuation of the human species by limiting the resources taken up by what would certainly be an infestation of humans on a planet that can not support it.
These two things tend to at least get people thinking about gays outside of a negative connotation. Some throw religion into the mix. "It's against God!", they scream. Is it really? I mean if who I love is the most important factor in my entry to 'heaven' then the world has a lot to worry about. Who I love is rather miniscule in relation to the horrors committed by everyone else. If the worst thing the creater can say about me is that I loved a man, then those of you who cheat, lie, steal, eat shell fish and don't rest on the sabbath are in HUGE trouble!
All of this feeds the idea of gay as wrong. This wrong feeds fear of expulsion and rejection. This fear of expulsion and rejection feeds the DL life that is running rampant and ruining lives.
I will not make excuses for those living on the DL. There is nothing wrong with living your life, as long as you are not purposefully harming others, which is exactly what the lie that living on the DL does. If you want to hurt yourself thats fine, leave others out of it. I actually take a very harsh stance on the DL men. I see it as them making my life harder. It is hard enough as it is, I don't wish to have to fight this preconceived notion that I am on the DL on top of everything else. I would sooner tell the DL men to grow up and stop pretending to be someone they are not. But that is not as productive as presenting myself as an example of an out, proud gay black man that is not afraid of being who I am. I have made it past 18 as a gay black male. A feat in and of itself. It has taken a lot of fighting to get here, I am the ideal not the false front of the DL gay male.
A somewhat harsh look at life on the DL as an outsider, I know. But it is what it is and I write from my heart. "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." That... is real strength.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Fight For Civil Rights and Hypocrisy
Imagine a world in which your people have had to fight for basic civil rights. The right to marry, the right to live, the right to have the same opportunities, the right to be free. Imagine a world in which your people fought for and won the fight to gain full equality in stature and basic civil rights. Imagine that same lineage now participating in the deprivation of those same basic civil rights of someone else. Sounds horrible yes? Sounds depraved yes? Sounds like a throw back to a different time that was thought to be over and done with doesn't it? Sounds like the type of thing that could only be a part of the past and a far cry from the present and the future.
This is the world in which we live today. Many people try to differentiate the fight for African American civil rights and the fight for Gays civil rights. We need a wake up call. These too fights are the same. Basic civil rights and equality under the law. Some may want to throw around religion, separation of church and state. We as Americans have the right to follow whatever faith we want. We however do not have the right to force those beliefs upon someone else. That is the very basic foundation for which this country was founded. So we shall leave religion out of this little discussion. Basic civil rights and equality under the law.
Some would say, "Well African Americans had to endure some of the harshest conditions to get those rights both before and after.". This is true, but so have Gays. In fact, while it is not socially acceptable to run around calling black people niggers it is still very acceptable to call a homosexual a faggot. Both are slurs, both hurt to hear and both place a stigma on a single group of people.
In the black community, one that has fought tooth and nail for legal equality, gays are treated much like blacks were all those years ago. It is a community that fosters being "on the DL", fear, hatred and violence. Those very same things that very community fought against. How can we as a race of people deny the civil rights and legal equality of anyone? We of all people should know better. If it is against your religion that is fine, but you don't have the right to deny someone else life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness... especially given African American history. The African American Community and the Homosexual Community share this common struggle. Lets see if you can tell the difference between these events.
Midwest, a man is found bound, naked, beaten and bloody. No one knows his name. No one knows any other reason as to why this happened.
Name: John Doe
Age: approx. 30
Race: Black
Reason: He was black.
Midwest, a man is found bound to a herding fence, naked, beaten and bloody. We do know his name. We do know why this happened.
Name: Matthew Shepard
Age: approx. early 20s
Race: White
Reason: He was gay.
New York City, a small bar in the village. Police perform their normal raid in which they harrass, beat and arrest mutiple people for being who they are and congregating. This leads to a minor riot that sparked a nation wide movement.
Place: The Stone Wall Inn
Do I really have to go on about this? We can see the similarities and the commonalities. The Gay Community and the Black Community would better serve each other by fighting on the same side. To have any member of the African American community deprive someone else of basic human rights is a travesty and blatant hypocrisy.
Over the next few weeks I intend to do a small series of articles to touch on a few subjects pertinent to the Gay Black Community. Subject such as being on the dl, false machismo, civil rights and the gay black renaissance. Who am I to write such things? I am a gay black male that got to look at the black community and its interaction with the gay community from the outside looking in.
This is the world in which we live today. Many people try to differentiate the fight for African American civil rights and the fight for Gays civil rights. We need a wake up call. These too fights are the same. Basic civil rights and equality under the law. Some may want to throw around religion, separation of church and state. We as Americans have the right to follow whatever faith we want. We however do not have the right to force those beliefs upon someone else. That is the very basic foundation for which this country was founded. So we shall leave religion out of this little discussion. Basic civil rights and equality under the law.
Some would say, "Well African Americans had to endure some of the harshest conditions to get those rights both before and after.". This is true, but so have Gays. In fact, while it is not socially acceptable to run around calling black people niggers it is still very acceptable to call a homosexual a faggot. Both are slurs, both hurt to hear and both place a stigma on a single group of people.
In the black community, one that has fought tooth and nail for legal equality, gays are treated much like blacks were all those years ago. It is a community that fosters being "on the DL", fear, hatred and violence. Those very same things that very community fought against. How can we as a race of people deny the civil rights and legal equality of anyone? We of all people should know better. If it is against your religion that is fine, but you don't have the right to deny someone else life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness... especially given African American history. The African American Community and the Homosexual Community share this common struggle. Lets see if you can tell the difference between these events.
Midwest, a man is found bound, naked, beaten and bloody. No one knows his name. No one knows any other reason as to why this happened.
Name: John Doe
Age: approx. 30
Race: Black
Reason: He was black.
Midwest, a man is found bound to a herding fence, naked, beaten and bloody. We do know his name. We do know why this happened.
Name: Matthew Shepard
Age: approx. early 20s
Race: White
Reason: He was gay.
New York City, a small bar in the village. Police perform their normal raid in which they harrass, beat and arrest mutiple people for being who they are and congregating. This leads to a minor riot that sparked a nation wide movement.
Place: The Stone Wall Inn
Do I really have to go on about this? We can see the similarities and the commonalities. The Gay Community and the Black Community would better serve each other by fighting on the same side. To have any member of the African American community deprive someone else of basic human rights is a travesty and blatant hypocrisy.
Over the next few weeks I intend to do a small series of articles to touch on a few subjects pertinent to the Gay Black Community. Subject such as being on the dl, false machismo, civil rights and the gay black renaissance. Who am I to write such things? I am a gay black male that got to look at the black community and its interaction with the gay community from the outside looking in.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Yet More Changes...
It's funny how things work out. I have made so many changes in my life. Here I am doing it again. Jason and I have decided to live together. We get along more than fine and I was basically wasting 750 bucks every month on an apartment I was never at. So economically and emotionally speaking this is a good move.
Tho I do have to be more careful this time around. I can not lose myself for the sake of my other. I have to remain me while in the midst of being "we".
Work is becoming increasingly more stressful. We are short staffed and still losing more by the day. How is it we were always short but everytime we lose someone the statement, "we were one ahead anyway" make sense? It doesn't, math does not work that way. So the pressure of an unstable schedule and picking up the slack is getting to me. More changes to be made I guess.
Til next time chulos.
-D
Tho I do have to be more careful this time around. I can not lose myself for the sake of my other. I have to remain me while in the midst of being "we".
Work is becoming increasingly more stressful. We are short staffed and still losing more by the day. How is it we were always short but everytime we lose someone the statement, "we were one ahead anyway" make sense? It doesn't, math does not work that way. So the pressure of an unstable schedule and picking up the slack is getting to me. More changes to be made I guess.
Til next time chulos.
-D
Friday, March 13, 2009
Comfortable and Uncomfortable...
Rather cryptic this post shall be. Too many people read this blog to put all of my eggs in one basket.
So basically I have yet to hear my good news. Donnie has assured me that I will hear my news and not to fret. I just hate the anticipation of waiting. Uncomfortable.
There are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. But who am I to complain or make stances? It's not my place. So I will simply have to deal with these things that make me uncomfortable. I'll deal with it in silence.
On to things that I am comfortable with. My BFs brother has moved in with him. I like his brother. He is fun and endearing. We went for breakfast this morning and it was a good time to have before work. So there are good things and bad things. Comfort, discomfort. Should I or shouldn't I? Who am I to complain I guess.
Laters.
- D
So basically I have yet to hear my good news. Donnie has assured me that I will hear my news and not to fret. I just hate the anticipation of waiting. Uncomfortable.
There are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. But who am I to complain or make stances? It's not my place. So I will simply have to deal with these things that make me uncomfortable. I'll deal with it in silence.
On to things that I am comfortable with. My BFs brother has moved in with him. I like his brother. He is fun and endearing. We went for breakfast this morning and it was a good time to have before work. So there are good things and bad things. Comfort, discomfort. Should I or shouldn't I? Who am I to complain I guess.
Laters.
- D
Monday, February 23, 2009
Randoms... I guess...
I guess a few random things to start my Monday.
Work has been getting very odd lately. The better we perform the more priveledges are being swept away. This, to me, sounds very counter productive. I mean, I understand their logic behind it. That being "If they are doing this well with all of these distractions, lets see what happens when we take those distractions away. Surely the productivity will go up.". What I am noticing instead of an increase in productivity is more a decline in team morale. We seem to be hemorraging team members. I don't quite know what this means for the future but I do know what it means for right now. Right now it means, horrible economy.... do what you have to do. For the future tho... I don't know.
My mini vacation weekend in P-Town with Jason was phenominal! I had such a great time. We laughed, talked, had lots of sex on porn height beds! Absolutely amazing. I am finding myself falling more and more in love with him every day. He fosters my outward affection, my confidence and my heart. I see a great future with him. I see a life with him. I also see lots of traveling, we seem to travel well together. No arguments, no animosity, no anger. As much as I loved my ex, Mike, I am seeing more and more that we probably would have made better friends than lovers. We were each others best friend, of that there is no doubt... but the more time I spend with Jason the more I get to see my previous relationship in a different light. I don't regret the time I had with Mike. In fact, it seems to have been necessary I guess. I can truly appreciate a relationship of the caliber I have with Jason more than I could have if I hadn't spent 10 years with Mike.
Speaking of ex's, I did find out that Mike lost the apartment and his job and moved back upstate with his uncle. I do wish he had contacted me to tell me this. I had been trying to contact him for a while and when no one answered the phone I just figured he was on a date or out with friends. I had no idea he was in such dire straits. I was contacting him in order to make plans for aquiring the rest of my stuff and my cat Aries. Finally having my own place allowed for this. But now I am sort of in limbo about a few things. Things like... where's my cat, what's his uncles number so I can contact him etc.. I am sure that at some point he will email me or comment on my blog or something. I would like to know that he is gonna be ok.
Today is going to be full of life type stuff I have been neglecting the past week. I have to do laundry, clean up my own place a lil bit, not much to do as I have been spending most of my time over at Jason's place. Gonna hang out with Daddy #1 today and when Seamus "Daddy #2" gets home watch an episode or 2 of Torchwood as has become our ritual. I heard their trip to California was amazing.
I do miss my mother and my sister, I guess I will give them a call while I am doing laundry and cleaning up. My cousin Sean called me a few days ago, I have to make sure to catch up with him too... see what going on with that part of my family.
See chulos... all random shit.
Til next time!
- D
Work has been getting very odd lately. The better we perform the more priveledges are being swept away. This, to me, sounds very counter productive. I mean, I understand their logic behind it. That being "If they are doing this well with all of these distractions, lets see what happens when we take those distractions away. Surely the productivity will go up.". What I am noticing instead of an increase in productivity is more a decline in team morale. We seem to be hemorraging team members. I don't quite know what this means for the future but I do know what it means for right now. Right now it means, horrible economy.... do what you have to do. For the future tho... I don't know.
My mini vacation weekend in P-Town with Jason was phenominal! I had such a great time. We laughed, talked, had lots of sex on porn height beds! Absolutely amazing. I am finding myself falling more and more in love with him every day. He fosters my outward affection, my confidence and my heart. I see a great future with him. I see a life with him. I also see lots of traveling, we seem to travel well together. No arguments, no animosity, no anger. As much as I loved my ex, Mike, I am seeing more and more that we probably would have made better friends than lovers. We were each others best friend, of that there is no doubt... but the more time I spend with Jason the more I get to see my previous relationship in a different light. I don't regret the time I had with Mike. In fact, it seems to have been necessary I guess. I can truly appreciate a relationship of the caliber I have with Jason more than I could have if I hadn't spent 10 years with Mike.
Speaking of ex's, I did find out that Mike lost the apartment and his job and moved back upstate with his uncle. I do wish he had contacted me to tell me this. I had been trying to contact him for a while and when no one answered the phone I just figured he was on a date or out with friends. I had no idea he was in such dire straits. I was contacting him in order to make plans for aquiring the rest of my stuff and my cat Aries. Finally having my own place allowed for this. But now I am sort of in limbo about a few things. Things like... where's my cat, what's his uncles number so I can contact him etc.. I am sure that at some point he will email me or comment on my blog or something. I would like to know that he is gonna be ok.
Today is going to be full of life type stuff I have been neglecting the past week. I have to do laundry, clean up my own place a lil bit, not much to do as I have been spending most of my time over at Jason's place. Gonna hang out with Daddy #1 today and when Seamus "Daddy #2" gets home watch an episode or 2 of Torchwood as has become our ritual. I heard their trip to California was amazing.
I do miss my mother and my sister, I guess I will give them a call while I am doing laundry and cleaning up. My cousin Sean called me a few days ago, I have to make sure to catch up with him too... see what going on with that part of my family.
See chulos... all random shit.
Til next time!
- D
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thank God I Made It!
Didn't know if I would have survived to see my vacation. I mean between work, no smokig and banking bullshit I am done.
Once again I have been analy assualted withathe spikey cock of Bank of America. $530 bucks in the red because o their fuck up yet again. This is it, I am done with being a battered fucking housewife to my fucking bank! They are basically stealing my money. On top of this I still have my tax return on direct deposit. After that clears Bank of America can suck it. Maybe I will check out citizens bank or hell IGN... anything would be better than this..
Seems all the psychotics felt this urge to make my last few days at work before my vacation a living hell. It was a parade of paranoid delusionals, conspiracy theorists, halfwits and just plain old bats shit crazies the past few days. One of even thought their unit was posessed. Wow....
So here I am on the first day of my vacation... no tv, no internet but actually feeling.... good. I got some good news. The company my friend Don works for is highly interested in hiring me. Good pay, Mon - Fri, 8am to 5:30pm. Hrrrmmm... big boy hours, my life back, more room to be with friends and my man. I will be with my BF tonight, always a reason to smile.
Til next time chulos!
- D
Once again I have been analy assualted withathe spikey cock of Bank of America. $530 bucks in the red because o their fuck up yet again. This is it, I am done with being a battered fucking housewife to my fucking bank! They are basically stealing my money. On top of this I still have my tax return on direct deposit. After that clears Bank of America can suck it. Maybe I will check out citizens bank or hell IGN... anything would be better than this..
Seems all the psychotics felt this urge to make my last few days at work before my vacation a living hell. It was a parade of paranoid delusionals, conspiracy theorists, halfwits and just plain old bats shit crazies the past few days. One of even thought their unit was posessed. Wow....
So here I am on the first day of my vacation... no tv, no internet but actually feeling.... good. I got some good news. The company my friend Don works for is highly interested in hiring me. Good pay, Mon - Fri, 8am to 5:30pm. Hrrrmmm... big boy hours, my life back, more room to be with friends and my man. I will be with my BF tonight, always a reason to smile.
Til next time chulos!
- D
Saturday, February 7, 2009
A Morning in Poetry?
I see the early glow, I hear him say hello. Is it a dream?
If so, when will it end? Could it be as it would seem?
He says "I love you." If only time would suspend.
Then the impossible happens when he climbs on top,
Time itself seems to stop.
I feel him breath, the scent of his skin
With a rush of heat he let's me in.
I come when he calls and I'll catch him when he falls.
But time waits for no man, I'll hold him close while I can.
The bell rings, the time has come...
I see the shadows fall and I don't see him at all.
Dammit why do I have to work today.
A whole day with him to let come what may.
That's all I ask, but here I am off to the days task.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lol... poetry on the train. I am such a mush. With my luck he'll find me too sweet. Stupid insecurity, get thee behind me. Lol.
I wonder how far shain got in leveling my death knight for me. I just don't have the time. For WoW these days. Grumble grumble. Lol
I think that's it for random thoughts this morning and I am almost at work.
Laters!
- D
If so, when will it end? Could it be as it would seem?
He says "I love you." If only time would suspend.
Then the impossible happens when he climbs on top,
Time itself seems to stop.
I feel him breath, the scent of his skin
With a rush of heat he let's me in.
I come when he calls and I'll catch him when he falls.
But time waits for no man, I'll hold him close while I can.
The bell rings, the time has come...
I see the shadows fall and I don't see him at all.
Dammit why do I have to work today.
A whole day with him to let come what may.
That's all I ask, but here I am off to the days task.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lol... poetry on the train. I am such a mush. With my luck he'll find me too sweet. Stupid insecurity, get thee behind me. Lol.
I wonder how far shain got in leveling my death knight for me. I just don't have the time. For WoW these days. Grumble grumble. Lol
I think that's it for random thoughts this morning and I am almost at work.
Laters!
- D
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