Artwork... and finishing what I started!

During the massive cleanup and rearranging I found one of my sketchbooks. It's 3 years old and as I was looking through it I realized I found me next "finish what I started" project. If you read back you'll know that I have a problem finishing what I start. I get very far and then give up. It's a trait I am trying to successfully change. So for my next step... my art work. These are the sketches I was able to save. My scanner needs to be replaced... see that ugly yellow piss line down the middle of the artwork. The scanner put it there. But once I am done you won't know. So I will do a repost as I finish each picture. I'll show you the finished line art, the base colors and the highlights/shadows. Finish what you start.

click the images to see a larger version.

Shenanigans

Ok.. so I have thing for online quizzes. Shoot me. This one was interesting and I cannot believe the card I am. But if you read the description... yeah that's me.

Which Tarot Card Are You?

You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy physicality of the devil breeds lust. The devil's call to return to primal instincts often creates conflict in a society in which many of these instincts must be kept under control. Challenges posed by our physical bodies can be overcome by strength in the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan is also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our material creativity. The devil knows physical pleasure and how to manipulate the physical world. Material creativity finds its output in such things as dance, pottery, gardening, and sex. The self-actualized person is able to accept the sensuality and usefulness of the devil's gifts while remaining in control of any darker urges. Image from The Stone Tarot deck. http://hometown.aol.com/newtarotdeck/ Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Video Blogging

OK, so I found all the pieces to hook my digital video camera (I used to work in the world of multimedia, so I have some video skillz. Not that the video blogs will be special in any way. Just know I have the equipment.) and am thinking about at least 1 time a month posting a video blog.

I was struggling with what to do for the first video blog. Do I talk about politics, gay married life, my husband, my apartment, life in NYC, gay rights? Then it came to me... Q&A! You guys can either email me, IM me or comment here on the blog and I will respond to all of them (even the racist or anti-gay ones) in person. May not be live, but thats the breaks.

So send me your questions. I will gladly answer them in the video blog.

Wedding Slideshow

As promised here is a slideshow of the wedding I attended earlier this month. It was far from your typical wedding. Mike's cousin is the Groom. I don't know these people. LOL.. Except Mikes uncles.

Believe it or not this is the only photo me and mike have together. Yep, 10 years and few photos. We had one of us at a NYC Gay Pride parade... it was a good one of us kissing at a restaurant. But I couldn't find it if my soul depended on it.


One of these... interesting appearing guys is Mike's father.

Anywho, here's the slideshow.

Dreams, Can't Sleep With Them, Can't Sleep Without Them.

Short but stupid.

I, every now and then, have a dream of catching my husband cheating on me. Last nights was peculiar. Usually my dream reaction is violent. I usually beat the crap out of them both. Then I wake up angry look to my side at him and get an attitude that I keep during the morning. I know emotional wreck. Gladly it is just an attitude I get, domestic violence has no place with me.

Last nights was odd. Just as I grabbed my husband by the throat... I stopped. I cried, begged, pleaded with him to tell me why. All he did was taunt me. I was afraid and shaking during the entire ordeal. I am unsure as to what, but he kept throwing something in my face and all I could do was cry. Whats even more bizarre, is that when I half woke up... I didn't want to look to my side. Being half asleep I had thought that if I looked to my side he wouldn't be there. That my hope for him to still be there was false. That the dream was real, the hope was a dream and that if I woke he would not be there. So I laid there. Trying not to move, I was afraid to move and feel he was gone. I was afraid to see for sure. I haven't been afraid like that... ever. I pride myself on having no fear. This morning I was scared shitless to wake and realize that it wasn't a bad dream.

I have been on a personal journey the past two years and have changed a lot. I guess the one thing I wanted to lose the most I seem to have not lost at all. I thought it had deminished, but here it was... plain as day, right before my eyes. I am insecure. I am waaayyy too needy. I need to KNOW and be TOLD I am loved. I need to KNOW and be TOLD I am sexy. I need to KNOW and be TOLD I am worth something. I need to KNOW and be TOLD that my world won't be shattered and that my heart won't be broken. I need constant reassurance . I am a cancer (earth sheep), it is my profile to be emotional, moody, needy and a family man. I fear the threat of losing that visage. For example... why would I never move with my husband to Japan? I know he has a thing for twinky Asians. I fear that if I moved there I'd lose him in less than a month. My insecurities tell me I cannot compete with the twinky Asian. I can and will never want to be a twink and I sure as hell aint Asian. It's something I could never give him. So I would not move there out of fear.

I dunno. I feel like a stupid, blonde girl right now. Still shook up from a stupid dream. I still feel like crying, over a stupid dream. I am so stupid sometimes. Stupid, stupid, stupid... it was just a dumb dream. Why do I still feel it now? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

The Hard Part

Phew... the hard part of last Saturday's project is done. This weekend bout killed me. I moved the book shelves, desks, computers etc into the new "office". We separated the living space from the office space for tax reasons... sure... mostly for aesthetics tho. Threw out a ton of shit too.

The living room is now completely clear except for the TV and a few bags of clothes (which we are going through and throwing most of out). Found out we had a fuse box IN the apartment. Don't ask why after 7 years in this apartment we didn't know, just know that we didn't know. We have one more room to completely clear out and prep for Mike to use as an "art area", but that can come later.

Now I am forced to pay the price for such a heavy duty cleaning job (trust me after getting to my husbands side... let's just say I am shocked and a tad disappointed that I didn't find the Ark of the Covenant). The price you enquire? Allergies. Horrible, horrible allergies. I pretty much dislodged every inch of dust in the entire apartment. Even with a mask on I was sneezing and coughing. Had 1 ffan pulling air out AND the air conditioner on to filter the air. Today I sound like I spent the entire weekend at a circuit party. My muscles ache especially in my back making me feel like I am an old man. I am at work like this no less. But it is better today than it was yesterday, I mean at least I can taste food today. But such is the price I must pay if I want to gay - up the apartment and grow up just a tad.

Next stop, Ikea!!

Let me give you guys just a small taste of what I have planned for the living space:



Here is a revision based on Jered's comments... some of which made sense. :P


Given it is a big yet small space and I dont have the accurate measurements here at work, the scale in the mock up is off. I may not need or have room for the dresser that separate sleeping area from living area. It would be something like right behind the couch with my plaster buddha on it. We shall see, it isn't imperative to have it. But anywho... I have my work cutout for me. I have yet to get the tiles for the floor. Maybe this weekend will mark the start of that portion.

Let me know what you guys think of my Queer Eye for the Gay Guy project.

TTFN!

The Black Gay Renaissance?

In my description I mention the 'Gay Black Renassaince' and inquire as to wether I was even a part of it. It may seem like a silly question to most. I have enquired about this a lot and most people say the same thing to me. "You are Black, you are Male, you are Gay and you are NOT on the DL. How can you not be part of it?". That is all well and good, but I am so disconnected from my own community that I wouldn't fit in or be a part of it.

Where I'm coming from!

To understand why I ask the question you have to first understand how I grew up. My American home town is Hillside, New Jersey. Don't get me wrong this town did have a wide array of cultures and ethnicities represented, but it was a predominately 'white' town with one of the best, at that time, educational systems on the east coast. This was the reason for my mother moving there. She wanted to ensure us the best education possible and not just from the schools. She wanted us to understand 'white people'. My mother is a product of the civil rights for African Americans era. To her mind it was not enough to be 'as good as them'. To her mind we had to be 'better than them' in order to have a fair and equal chance. For us to do that, in her mind, we needed to be exposed to 'white America'. This exposure, she felt, would keep us from being afraid. An example of how she did not want us to be follows my sister's boyfriend's behavior. This is a guy who refuses to go anywhere that may have what he calls "too many white people.". He is afraid, tho he would never admit it, of white people. When one grows up with the spectre or "The Man" and this imaginary cosmic power "The Man" has, who could blame a semi-defeated class of people for being afraid.

So I grew up "white". This brought me to another crisis. The crisis of 'who am I'. I could not relate to my brothers and as such I withdrew from the black community. Even more so once I truly saw our view on Gay Black Men. So it is a community I never got to experience. I liken my comming out as a expression of no fear. I hadn't been exposed to the stigma of being a gay black man so I never had that instilled fear of being exposed.

Some of you may be thinking, 'Just go out and join your brothers!'. I wish I could but I don't know how. This is my own fear now coming up. I thought I was done with the need for acceptance. Apparently not.

The Black Gay Renaissance

So we come to the Black Gay Renaissance. There has been a great awakening in the Gay Black Community. Being on the DL is looked down upon, coming out is in style, gay black men are on TV and not as cracked out prostitutes. The image of the Gay Black Man is changing.

I have become a YouTube junky. It is an amazing medium. Real people can have a voice. Real people can produce a show of sorts and actually have other people listen and follow it. I recently discovered The & Show. The show may not be of the highest budget but it is damn good and amidst all the witticisms and wise cracks is a message. The show is produced by Nathan Seven Scott (Jared Shuler is no longer with the show) and talks about everything from the differences between White and Black Gay Culture to Fag Hags to Barebacking. The views are real and the delivery is entertaining. I love it. Then I discovered Noah's Arc . At first I thought it was kinda bad, low budget etc, but by the end of the second episode I was hooked. Never before have I been able to truly see myself represented on TV. So often the gay black men on TV don't have my problems. Don't have my concerns. Don't speak of me or to me. But this one did it.

There are so many things I have yet to discover about my own community. The creativity, the life, the dreams, the lonliness, the hope and the success of my community are things I am just now seeing. Perhaps it is just a matter of finally gaining the eyes to see it. I long to know my people and I am afraid of the response I will get. I fear very little in life and this one shocked me.

I am so sheltered I thought a relationship spanning more than a few hot sweaty hours was common place only to come to find that Mike and I are a rarity and that other gay couples aspire to be like us. Should I find it as my duty to be visible in the community? Will they take offense to the fact that my husband is white? Will I be well recieved? Will I come across as a pompous ass who thinks he can show people how to live?

Am I a part of the black gay renaissance? I dont feel like I am. Will just being visible as a gay couple make a difference in the minds of some who think it is not possible and have resigned to one nighters and weekend relationships? I don't know that it is even my place to do that. Who am I to judge? Will being a visible out and proud gay black man do it? I don't know. I mean I burned my closet and used the wood for kindling by the time I was 17, and was active before that. But I did not do this in the gay black community, so my experience was very different from the stories I have read and heard. Disconnected, I am.

I also sort of feel like this is a journey and discovery I must make for myself by myself. But how do I tell my man "I am going to my first ball in Harlem and would rather go alone."? I want to be there and experience the scene and feel that my husband would be too much of a distraction and a bit of a liability. Maybe that is just me being selfish, which I am prone to be from time to time. But I feel like I need to do this on my own. I need to know this community and through it get to know myself. As a people, African Americans are the only ones who have had to re-create their culture and history after slavery. We are the only people that requires a DNA test to find out what region of Africa we MOST LIKELY came from. We are lost and are finding our way. That leaves a hole in many of us. I know myself pretty damn well, but I feel a need to embrace and to know the "Neo Black Gay Culture" and to contribute to it. To be a part of something that one day may be looked back upon as a pivotal moment in what will no doubt be a historical cultural event.

I will most likely revisit this subject with less self absorbtion.

So...

Are you a part of the Black Gay Renaissance?

Dumb Mini Post of the Week!

Every so often I will do a dumb mini post. Usually just highlighting something I thought was funny at the time it happened but probably won't be funny after about 10 minutes. Anywho... on with the show.

So this morning at work I had to fix some idiots mistake. Lets just say it involved... gasp... manual labor. While I was working on this 'problem-created-by-cromagnon-macho-ish-idiots', the manager walks into the back area and is impressed at the job.

(And then I finally got to use a Just Jack line. It had been at least 6 months since the opportunity arose to use such a line.)

Me: So... this is fun... fixing stuff... sanding things... workin' up a sweat. Makes me feel like a man. No, seriously, I'd like a man after we're done with this.

Manager: Riiiiggghhhttt.

Manager: Were you ever a carpenter or something? This looks fantastic!

Me: Been a Carpenter? No... Did a Carpenter? Yes...

Manager: Riiiiggghhhttt.

God I love messing with breeders.

A Theory, If You Will But Indulge Me...

I work in a predominately hetero field. Technology. This, as a paradigm, has conditioned me to answering questions about my sexuality. I am out every where. Don't get it twisted, I am not a faerie gleely prancing around with wings, a pair of wings, a rainbow flag and a pink triangle purse. Just isn't me, not to mention it's rather tacky. But I make it no secret. They want to talk about tits n chicks then I will talk about dicks n dudes. I won't tolerate it otherwise. I am also rather "Just Jack" about things.

That being said, I have devised a theory that actually seems to work on the more intelligent of the Breeders. I akin homosexuality in humans as natures means of population control.

Here is the theory,

Everything in nature has a checks and balances system. Most creatures have quite a few natural predators. These predators are essential to the balance of the ecosystem. Without them said creature will reproduce unchecked. For example, you take away all the cats in a place and the place will most likely become overrun by rodents.

Now homosexuality exists in nature. But it really does act as a failsafe for when the natural predators fail or are wiped out. Fact, homosexuals cannot reproduce AS homosexuals. They need some interaction with the opposite sex, even if it is by the mediator called a turkey baster.

Humans have very few natural predators. The homosexual human is natures failsafe to keep the human population in check. Without us the human population would boom and overtake this planet much faster than it currently is. Everything in nature needs a check and a balance. Homosexual humans are that failsae check and balance.

What do you guys think? It's just a theory, with easily found statistics to back it up. Once I give them that "point of view", if you will, they tend to understand why we exist and accept it more easily.

Discuss.

Tell Them That You Love Them!

Ever notice how sometimes, in the middle of all of the mess that is your life, you get the urge to tell the people in your life how much they mean to you? But then of course something happens and your attention gets diverted from that. Whatever it may be you forget to tell them what you are thinking.

My mother and I send emails to each other constantly. I may not be able to visit her often but I can still talk on the phone or via email. Now I don't know if this is a mistake for me to do, but I am going to share with you guys the last email I sent to her and her reply.

So you are not lost as to what I am talking about in the email I will give a brief backstory.

My mother and I trade dirty jokes, and goings' on daily almost. In her last email to me she said something about giving my aunt barb (Aunt Bob, she was always female but I couldn't say 'Barb' as a child so it always came out as 'Bob') money to go towards her and my little cousins cruise. She feels a duty to do this because this particular aunt has been going through it if you get my drift. My mother is also a bit trouble about her best friend who has been behaving in a manner unfriend like.

My emails to my mother can sometimes be train of thought-ish. I got the urge to pretty much say what I had been thinking. I lost the chance to let my deceased aunt (there were 3 aunts), the most important one in my life, know how I felt about her. So when I am struck to express my feelings to those in my life I try to do so the moment I think it. I don't want to miss that chance ever again.

Here is my reply to that email. Yes I always sign my emails to my mom "Your Sun" given that the Sun is the base of Son and is thus for a reason.

____________________________

Aunt Bob... man I love that woman too. Over the years I have gotten to know so much about her. Things I don't even think Bianca knows and they were tight. LOL. Aunt Bob has had a very interesting past. She regrets a lot of it, I think she shouldn't. She lived life, that's all. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes she feels that her past is the cause for some of Jazz's short comings. They are not. Things and events occur for a reason.

She was meant to have Jazz as he is. Her past has nothing to do with it. But, the fact that she has regrets shows that she is and always was a very good person with good intentions. She has always been there for all of us. She deserves as much as she can get. She's nuts, make no mistake, but in a good and indearing way. LOL.

I wish I had enough material things to help and show my appreciation for not only you but also for your sisters. They have all treated me and Bianca so well. Despite any underlying oddness. I am very lucky. I tell people that all the time. I am lucky. Was my childhood troubled? Yes. Was my family in their many forms there to keep me sane? Definitely.

Aunt Verna for instance, she dotes too much. For her own children this may have given them this sense of never NEEDING to grow up. She lied to herself about it, and still does. But that is her winning formula. I was around her just long enough to benefit without it being a detriment. Aunt Bob showed me to live life hard and fast. She was always on the go and doing things. I may not have that energy, but she showed me I can live life on my own terms.

Aunt Pat showed me how to use the love you have that you have no outlet for to make some else happy. She had no kids of her own, but she had that love to give. She gave to us and I will always remember and cherish that.

Then there is you. Lord if I don't get my wit, intelligence, tenacity, artisticness and strength from you. You showed me that even though we don't always make the right choices we have to go on. Even though things did not turn out like we thought they would, we have to go on. Even when others put us down and try to keep us there, we have to go on. A single mother, fighting to stay afloat in the midst of money problems, relationship problems and fear... we have to go on. Fear nothing and fear no one. The unknown is not something to be afraid of. If you have to put yourself out there and take a chance, be brave and do it.

You all deserve a damn cruise! At the very least. Think about what we have been through and how we came out of it. Some would say I should be dead or behind bars. I do recognize they are right. And that is not only my own doing, but yours as well. All of you gals. All of you had something to do with it. Granted I have to give myself some credit in this too. I had to have the eyes to see it. I saw it.

If I could make all of your lives easy, I would. If I could send you all on cruise, just to say thank you... I would.

So do send Aunt Bob money, give Aunt Verna your love and give yourself all the reasons you need to succeed. You spent too long taking care of other people. It is your turn. Pat will do her thing and like I said, she has been with you in many chapters of your book. Maybe it is her time to not be in the next chapter. Tho that does not mean she will not make a triumphant return in the chapter after that.



Love you always,

Your Sun
_______________________________________

This is my mother reply. I almost cried.
_______________________________________

Yes my dear Sun, you have the wisdom of a man and I am very proud of you and always have been, and will always love you no matter what and will always be with you, you are my child and you will be a great person in your own rights and people are going to know who you are, just wait, and you will see.

You will be blessed with good health wealth and prosperity, trust your old mom she knows what she is talking about. And never forget your little sister she loves you too.

Love Mom
_____________________________________

What she says in it may not be that special. But to know that your parent is proud of you. To know that she has noticed. That she does care. That I have not somehow disappointed her was overwhelming.

I am an out and proud gay man. Make no mistake. But sometimes I feel bad about it. Not so much about being gay, more about not giving her what I know she wanted. She wanted to be a grandmother by now. She wanted her only son to be the one to give her that first grandchild. She wanted to feel that joy of a baby again. My sister is rather young, 24, and is not so into having a kid just yet. I don't blame her, she has more life to live yet.

If anything, I always felt that I disappointed my mother somehow... irrational I know. She is a bit Archie Bunker-ish in her speaking, but much like Archie she is not really racist or homophobic but more a product of her era. She loves Mike, thinks he is a good - albeit small - guy. She has never seen me so happy to hear her say it. But she is a rock in my life.

So I am saying it not only to you mom but to the world in this blog. I love you. I am a better man because of you.

I spoke about losing my most cherished of the aunts without her knowing how I truly felt. This devastated me. I was a troubled child that gave her a lot of grief for nothing. All she ever did was love me. She even saved my ass from a ew well deserved spankings. She lived with us and worked as a nurses aid. Our Christmas' were always great. See she had no kids of her own and my sister and myself were those children she never had. Even as I sit here and remember some of the horrible things I had said to her out of childish anger as a child I tear up.

I know it was trivial. I was a child. Who holds a child accountable for childish shit right? I know she didn't. But what meant more to me was that I never said I was sorry. I never apologized to her for it. I wanted to, so many times I wanted to. But I never did.
Anyone who knows me knows that you do not call me after 10pm nor during my shows. But she was the only one who could get away with it. Given her schedule, late nights was like her 6pm. So she would come home and like clockwork would call me at 12am and we would talk for hours. I didn't care. I loved her and she loved me. It got to the point that I would just stay awake because I knew she'd be calling. After she died it took about a year before I could fall asleep before 12am. Even now, I have a hard time some nights sleeping before 12am.

So I am saying it here, for the world to see. I love you Aunt Pat (not to be confused with my mothers best friend pat). I love you and I am sorry. I am sorry I never made sure you knew I loved you by saying it. I am sorry I never told you how much I missed you when you moved out. I am sorry I never told you how much I missed you when I moved to NYC. I am sorry I never told you I was sorry for the things I said and did as a child. I am sorry. You were my other mother and losing you was the hardest thing to ever endure. I miss you and I love you.

To Michael... what can I say. 10 years. 10 years of ups and downs, a few roundabouts and more than our fair share of fights. We have been through a lot together. We had gone from rags to riches back to rags and once again working oursleves back up. Despite all of this, we are still together and still in love. I know I have said it before, but I love you. I appreciate you. Sometimes it may seem like I don't, I am a moody son of a bitch. But I do, waking up in the morning next to you gives me no greater pleasure to compare it to. It stands above the others. No matter what mistakes I make or you make... I love you.

I guess the moral of this blog is to tell them. Tell the ones in your life that made you who you are. Tell those who you have fallen in love with. Tell them that you love them. You could put it off for a day, a week, a month, or even an hour and lose the chance to ever say it. So say it!

I love you.

Deadlines Missed and Goals Forgotten

Well... I broke my ass on that Saturday Project. Had to put my clothes in the laundry that already had EVERY article of clothing I owned in it. Took a shower and called it quits for the day. So I ended up spending the rest of the day as a "nature boy". Nothing like sitting your bare ass in a chair and playing WoW.

I still have a few things left to do in the room that I will get done during the evenings this week. But I got all the old crap out. So many bags of clothes that neither I nor Mike will ever wear again.

I once had a goal to stop being a pack rat, after Saturday I can see that goal did not come to fruition either. So many bags of just crap. Why the hell did we keep it all? Sure there was a cool shirt here and a cool shirt there, but neither of us could wear them. They were either too big or too small. My cats had their way with more than a few items. EW!

I don't know what I was thinking, getting that big of a job done in a day. As if. Of course the laundry didn't get done on Saturday so... sleeping in the bare ass it is. I always feel wierd being naked in any way. I could be home all alone and I still will not walk around naked. Silly hang up I know. Maybe once I reach my tentative goal I will walk around in the buff of my own volition.

Again we come upon goals. I must end this cycle of starting something, getting really far and then giving up. It's stupid to be so damn smart and to lack the discipline to finish the things I start. Artwork, countless pieces of artwork that have never been finished. Thousands of ideas written down but never completed or followed up on.

Goals.

It is time, I think, to use some of my strength to change that part of myself. I have changed alot of things just by strength of will. I think it is time to change this. I have some goals, let's make some magic.

Saturday: The Project Begins

So it begins, I am sitting here on a Saturday morning, sucking down a cigarette, trying to wake up. I know 'smoking... ewwww!', but I feel the same way. Worst mistake I ever made. But anyway.

Today is going to be a big, no scratch that, a HUGE day. I am doing a big Fall Cleaning. That's right I said it, a Fall cleaning. I know some of you bitches prefer to do it in the Spring. Not I.

I am cleaning out EVERYTHING in the current bedroom and moving EVERYTHING from the living room into it. It sounds like a lot but you must realize, the living room currently consists of 2 Desks, 2 bookshelves and 2 computers. Not much of a 'living room' at all.

The plan is thus, clear out the bedroom, move the 2 desks into it with at least 1 bookshelf. The newly cleared living room will then be furnished by Ikea. A new bed, dressers, a love seat, an armchair, a few throw rugs, a new TV and boom a living room/bedroom. That is of course after I put down the tiles in the living room. As I have said before, we currently live like Frat boys that throw Keggers all the damn time. Given that I am kissing 30's ass and my man has touched 40... we need to grow up a bit. As the most mature of the two of us, and that is not saying much, I have taken this upon myself to get done while delegating to my man.

With 2 cats running around to boot I think I am gonna need a little divine intervention.

Pray for me!

ZOMGZ 3 posts in a day!

Egad, a treat for me indeed. 3 posts in a day. Either I am terribly stoned or I just have had one hell of a day.

So an update on 'W's situation.

I spoke with 'W' on my cell as I walked home from the train station. His side of the story is more his speed. Sounds more like something that could and or would happen to someone like him. Let's just say his side places him as someone who more or less made an irresponsible, clumsy decision that turned out to not be what he intended. Essentially he had no idea about stolen goods and the cops haven't come for him... yet.

I don't know if he will still have a job, I worry about what that will do to his family and him. I just wish him luck man. Kind of a lot to take in really.

More Gay!

Myk (My 'husband' 10 years and counting) and I decided that it was time for us to stop living like frat boys in a bear cave. I mean really, c'mon we are gay men for crying out loud. Aren't we suppose to have a fly apartment and host dinner parties n' shit? I at least want the fly apartment. We had attended a wedding, the story of which I will relay and post the pictures of that I promised, that was odd but opened our eyes to something. A lot of my geek side is nurtured in the city, but even more of my naturally inquisitive and appreciatively calm side is destroyed by it.

As some of you may remember, I am a geek for a ton of different subjects. One of those subjects... astronomy/astrology. We saw a night sky like I have never seen or been able to comprehend before. It was absolutely captivating. The entire camp site was lit by the moon and the stars. I could make out constellations and planets (those we can see) with ease. The air was so crisp. But I digress... this brought both Myk and myself to the conclusion... one conclusion only. We have to leave the city.

But to where? Is a house involved? Not only big steps in any relationship but also a big step in terms of our maturity and ability to perform upkeep. I look at our apartment and ick! This along with my recent viewing pleasures seem to say I am not gay enough. That it... more gay! I mean how can we hope to upkeep a house if we can't even upkeep an apartment in Queens?

So I have a plan, and it involves Ikea. That's right bitches I said it... I - fuckin- kea. We are making the tiny as bedroom the computer room and moving the bedroom into the living room. The living room is rather large. Large enough to be sectioned into a distinct bedroom separate from the living room, yet equally accessible. *giggle* I know... my gay is showing. *giggle* I will probably edit this post later with an AI rendering of what I am going for. So I am saving my nickels and dimes. Re-tiling the floor and new furniture.

But why stop there. A ton of 'gay' paraphernalia is missing from our apartment. So we started acquiring some. Just essential things all stereotypical gay homes have. A shower attached butt-hose, The Joy of Gay Sex , a few DaVinci pictures have finally made their way into the apartment. Well we already had the DaVinci pictures. What other "gay" things should be in a home? Leave me a comment give me some advice. Help a gay frat boy on the verge of 30 grow up and queer up a bit.

Hottie of the Day Remember this? It's baaaacccckkkk. Yes I will be doing my "Hottie of the Day" thing again.

Here is todays Hottie:

Gregory Kieth, he plays Alex's hot ass boyfriend on Noah's Arc

Illegal Activities

Sometimes, even the most mild mannered person can be capable of an illegal activity. Today has been one of those "OMG No He Didn't" sort of days. A co-worker, lets call him 'W', is not in today. A little history. 'W' is the nicest guy in the world and does no more wrong than any of us. He has a family, a full time job and is rather quick. Well today we find out that 'W' was involved in commiting a felony. Not just any felony but a felony using the company vehicle.

Let us just say that I am shocked. I would have not ever suspected he would do something that he is being accused of. I would sooner suspect myself of such things before I would have suspected him. I will reserve judgement as to whether he is guilty or not, but the evidence is mounting.

This is a fellow whose family I had sort of become a part of. I have few friends and even fewer black friends, just given where I made friends (most are latino with 2 or 3 white folks thrown in) this is the reality. I honestly am in shock about it. I hope he does not get the book thrown at him. If he is guilty hopefully the charges will be reduced from a felony to petty larcen.

I wish 'W' good luck. Good luck my friend indeed.

New Beginnings!

I am moving my blog over from Livejournal to blogspot. It seems Blogger is winning the blog wars and livejournal is not as "live" as it used to be. I will move over just a few of my blogs from the old site, redesign this tired blogger template and get my mind out there.

As some of you may know, from my old blog, I have been documenting my body for life progress. Well it is becoming a bit more complicated. I have been cheating and using the express line at NYSC. Work's been clobbering me, but at least I haven't stopped completely. I have lost a good chunk of return of fat (I had a dramatic weight loss ten years ago and had gained a good chunk of it back) and have been building a ton more muscle. Not sure if I will continue the Body For Life thing. It gets expensive eating 6 times a day. But we shall see.

I am looking to focus less on myself and more on the issues I feel strongly about these days. Which is still a bit self centered, but at least it's about something other than me.

We shall see how this Blogger community turns out.

Thanks for having me guys!









- D