With the coming of a Gay Black Renaissance, the opinion of gays in the black community is starting to turn for the better. But while it is starting there is still a blight in the community. A disease that encourages hatred, fear and misunderstanding. It's roots lie in a hyper masculine ideal that is put forth in our community. The irrational love of the "Thug Life", the idea that men are supposed to be tough and would never take a position of subservience.
This plague leads to many gay black men perpetrating a fraud. They get involved with women and play with men on the side living in fear that one of their "boyz" will find out. This is nothing short of lying and a disgusting display of weakness, plain and simple. Perhaps there is also the rush of doing something wrong coupled with fear that is playing into the behavior. It was best said that, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.". These are men not being themselves and exacerbating this preconceived notion of the "evil disease spreading fag" and hatred for gay men everywhere. Lives of women and children are ruined by this behavior. The self destructive nature of the DL lifestyle is not helpful in the fight for gay rights either.
Now this is definitely something hard for me to understand as a gay black man. I don't really recall ever spending any of my adult life in the closet. The beginning of my high school career did start with my being closeted out of fear. But eventually the fact that I was treated like an outcast for not following crowd allowed for me to comfortably come out. What did I have to fear after all, "they" treated me as an outcast anyway. I had nothing to lose. This afforded me the gift of being spared from the stigma that comes from being an out gay black man and lessened my need to be on the DL. So I can only speak on the subject from the outside looking in.
I have dealt with the "My wife would kill me if she knew" types. The DL life is not confined to the black community at all. The irrational fear of retaliation and expulsion from social groups and family effect weak willed men from all walks of life. The end result is the same. A shattered home, lowered self esteem and the further tarnishing of gay men. We are now seen as liars, cheats and homewreckers due to the actions of the weak.
Living a gay life is perhaps the hardest thing in the world to do. If there is anything that unifies religions and races it is the hatred and fear of the homosexual. So it is understandable that this would put fear into the hearts of many that are gay and choose to lie about it. The stress of living as who we are can be astounding. The stress of living a lie is larger still.
Many groups are beginning to accept gay life more and more. This is seen the least in the black and hispanic communities in which the idea of only the strong survive and being gay is seen as a weakness as opposed to the strength it really is is prevalent. Every black man has 2 strikes against him in life. He is black and he is male, this is something that comes with the territory. If you make it past the age of 18 as a black male without ending up in prison or dead you have already beaten the odds. Black gay men have the added pressure of being gay to deal with. We have to be stronger than we ever imagined in order to just live life. As a black male you at least have the support of your community behind you. As a gay black male that support is stripped from you. Is it any wonder that life on the DL proliferates the way it does?
What will it take to fix this? It will take a cultural shift starting from the bottom. What I tend to do in order to shift opinions of gays is to attack the issue from 2 different sides. Scientific and cultural history. The cultural history of gay men being the top choices as military strength and spiritual leadership is a very positive view and fact. We were often chosen for these roles as we did not leave families behind during the time of war, leaving family men as a last resort for military power. This kept families in tact and made a niche for gay men to fill. This role is a constant in primitive human culture. The other niche is as spiritual leadership in tribal society. We were the Shaman and medicine men of that age. Another role that was a constant in primitive right on up to modern human culture world wide. The scientific portion being population control. I know some don't wish to be seen as herd thinners the fact still remains. Humans have very few natural predators. As such without people who "don't breed" the human population would be more out of control than it currently is. Yes lesbians can have children but if they were living without the option of sperm banks and doners they too would be childless. Everything in nature has a check and a balance outside of mankind. Logically speaking a homosexual is an obvious genetic anomaly necessary for the continuation of the human species by limiting the resources taken up by what would certainly be an infestation of humans on a planet that can not support it.
These two things tend to at least get people thinking about gays outside of a negative connotation. Some throw religion into the mix. "It's against God!", they scream. Is it really? I mean if who I love is the most important factor in my entry to 'heaven' then the world has a lot to worry about. Who I love is rather miniscule in relation to the horrors committed by everyone else. If the worst thing the creater can say about me is that I loved a man, then those of you who cheat, lie, steal, eat shell fish and don't rest on the sabbath are in HUGE trouble!
All of this feeds the idea of gay as wrong. This wrong feeds fear of expulsion and rejection. This fear of expulsion and rejection feeds the DL life that is running rampant and ruining lives.
I will not make excuses for those living on the DL. There is nothing wrong with living your life, as long as you are not purposefully harming others, which is exactly what the lie that living on the DL does. If you want to hurt yourself thats fine, leave others out of it. I actually take a very harsh stance on the DL men. I see it as them making my life harder. It is hard enough as it is, I don't wish to have to fight this preconceived notion that I am on the DL on top of everything else. I would sooner tell the DL men to grow up and stop pretending to be someone they are not. But that is not as productive as presenting myself as an example of an out, proud gay black man that is not afraid of being who I am. I have made it past 18 as a gay black male. A feat in and of itself. It has taken a lot of fighting to get here, I am the ideal not the false front of the DL gay male.
A somewhat harsh look at life on the DL as an outsider, I know. But it is what it is and I write from my heart. "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." That... is real strength.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Fight For Civil Rights and Hypocrisy
Imagine a world in which your people have had to fight for basic civil rights. The right to marry, the right to live, the right to have the same opportunities, the right to be free. Imagine a world in which your people fought for and won the fight to gain full equality in stature and basic civil rights. Imagine that same lineage now participating in the deprivation of those same basic civil rights of someone else. Sounds horrible yes? Sounds depraved yes? Sounds like a throw back to a different time that was thought to be over and done with doesn't it? Sounds like the type of thing that could only be a part of the past and a far cry from the present and the future.
This is the world in which we live today. Many people try to differentiate the fight for African American civil rights and the fight for Gays civil rights. We need a wake up call. These too fights are the same. Basic civil rights and equality under the law. Some may want to throw around religion, separation of church and state. We as Americans have the right to follow whatever faith we want. We however do not have the right to force those beliefs upon someone else. That is the very basic foundation for which this country was founded. So we shall leave religion out of this little discussion. Basic civil rights and equality under the law.
Some would say, "Well African Americans had to endure some of the harshest conditions to get those rights both before and after.". This is true, but so have Gays. In fact, while it is not socially acceptable to run around calling black people niggers it is still very acceptable to call a homosexual a faggot. Both are slurs, both hurt to hear and both place a stigma on a single group of people.
In the black community, one that has fought tooth and nail for legal equality, gays are treated much like blacks were all those years ago. It is a community that fosters being "on the DL", fear, hatred and violence. Those very same things that very community fought against. How can we as a race of people deny the civil rights and legal equality of anyone? We of all people should know better. If it is against your religion that is fine, but you don't have the right to deny someone else life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness... especially given African American history. The African American Community and the Homosexual Community share this common struggle. Lets see if you can tell the difference between these events.
Midwest, a man is found bound, naked, beaten and bloody. No one knows his name. No one knows any other reason as to why this happened.
Name: John Doe
Age: approx. 30
Race: Black
Reason: He was black.
Midwest, a man is found bound to a herding fence, naked, beaten and bloody. We do know his name. We do know why this happened.
Name: Matthew Shepard
Age: approx. early 20s
Race: White
Reason: He was gay.
New York City, a small bar in the village. Police perform their normal raid in which they harrass, beat and arrest mutiple people for being who they are and congregating. This leads to a minor riot that sparked a nation wide movement.
Place: The Stone Wall Inn
Do I really have to go on about this? We can see the similarities and the commonalities. The Gay Community and the Black Community would better serve each other by fighting on the same side. To have any member of the African American community deprive someone else of basic human rights is a travesty and blatant hypocrisy.
Over the next few weeks I intend to do a small series of articles to touch on a few subjects pertinent to the Gay Black Community. Subject such as being on the dl, false machismo, civil rights and the gay black renaissance. Who am I to write such things? I am a gay black male that got to look at the black community and its interaction with the gay community from the outside looking in.
This is the world in which we live today. Many people try to differentiate the fight for African American civil rights and the fight for Gays civil rights. We need a wake up call. These too fights are the same. Basic civil rights and equality under the law. Some may want to throw around religion, separation of church and state. We as Americans have the right to follow whatever faith we want. We however do not have the right to force those beliefs upon someone else. That is the very basic foundation for which this country was founded. So we shall leave religion out of this little discussion. Basic civil rights and equality under the law.
Some would say, "Well African Americans had to endure some of the harshest conditions to get those rights both before and after.". This is true, but so have Gays. In fact, while it is not socially acceptable to run around calling black people niggers it is still very acceptable to call a homosexual a faggot. Both are slurs, both hurt to hear and both place a stigma on a single group of people.
In the black community, one that has fought tooth and nail for legal equality, gays are treated much like blacks were all those years ago. It is a community that fosters being "on the DL", fear, hatred and violence. Those very same things that very community fought against. How can we as a race of people deny the civil rights and legal equality of anyone? We of all people should know better. If it is against your religion that is fine, but you don't have the right to deny someone else life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness... especially given African American history. The African American Community and the Homosexual Community share this common struggle. Lets see if you can tell the difference between these events.
Midwest, a man is found bound, naked, beaten and bloody. No one knows his name. No one knows any other reason as to why this happened.
Name: John Doe
Age: approx. 30
Race: Black
Reason: He was black.
Midwest, a man is found bound to a herding fence, naked, beaten and bloody. We do know his name. We do know why this happened.
Name: Matthew Shepard
Age: approx. early 20s
Race: White
Reason: He was gay.
New York City, a small bar in the village. Police perform their normal raid in which they harrass, beat and arrest mutiple people for being who they are and congregating. This leads to a minor riot that sparked a nation wide movement.
Place: The Stone Wall Inn
Do I really have to go on about this? We can see the similarities and the commonalities. The Gay Community and the Black Community would better serve each other by fighting on the same side. To have any member of the African American community deprive someone else of basic human rights is a travesty and blatant hypocrisy.
Over the next few weeks I intend to do a small series of articles to touch on a few subjects pertinent to the Gay Black Community. Subject such as being on the dl, false machismo, civil rights and the gay black renaissance. Who am I to write such things? I am a gay black male that got to look at the black community and its interaction with the gay community from the outside looking in.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Yet More Changes...
It's funny how things work out. I have made so many changes in my life. Here I am doing it again. Jason and I have decided to live together. We get along more than fine and I was basically wasting 750 bucks every month on an apartment I was never at. So economically and emotionally speaking this is a good move.
Tho I do have to be more careful this time around. I can not lose myself for the sake of my other. I have to remain me while in the midst of being "we".
Work is becoming increasingly more stressful. We are short staffed and still losing more by the day. How is it we were always short but everytime we lose someone the statement, "we were one ahead anyway" make sense? It doesn't, math does not work that way. So the pressure of an unstable schedule and picking up the slack is getting to me. More changes to be made I guess.
Til next time chulos.
-D
Tho I do have to be more careful this time around. I can not lose myself for the sake of my other. I have to remain me while in the midst of being "we".
Work is becoming increasingly more stressful. We are short staffed and still losing more by the day. How is it we were always short but everytime we lose someone the statement, "we were one ahead anyway" make sense? It doesn't, math does not work that way. So the pressure of an unstable schedule and picking up the slack is getting to me. More changes to be made I guess.
Til next time chulos.
-D
Friday, March 13, 2009
Comfortable and Uncomfortable...
Rather cryptic this post shall be. Too many people read this blog to put all of my eggs in one basket.
So basically I have yet to hear my good news. Donnie has assured me that I will hear my news and not to fret. I just hate the anticipation of waiting. Uncomfortable.
There are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. But who am I to complain or make stances? It's not my place. So I will simply have to deal with these things that make me uncomfortable. I'll deal with it in silence.
On to things that I am comfortable with. My BFs brother has moved in with him. I like his brother. He is fun and endearing. We went for breakfast this morning and it was a good time to have before work. So there are good things and bad things. Comfort, discomfort. Should I or shouldn't I? Who am I to complain I guess.
Laters.
- D
So basically I have yet to hear my good news. Donnie has assured me that I will hear my news and not to fret. I just hate the anticipation of waiting. Uncomfortable.
There are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable. But who am I to complain or make stances? It's not my place. So I will simply have to deal with these things that make me uncomfortable. I'll deal with it in silence.
On to things that I am comfortable with. My BFs brother has moved in with him. I like his brother. He is fun and endearing. We went for breakfast this morning and it was a good time to have before work. So there are good things and bad things. Comfort, discomfort. Should I or shouldn't I? Who am I to complain I guess.
Laters.
- D
Monday, February 23, 2009
Randoms... I guess...
I guess a few random things to start my Monday.
Work has been getting very odd lately. The better we perform the more priveledges are being swept away. This, to me, sounds very counter productive. I mean, I understand their logic behind it. That being "If they are doing this well with all of these distractions, lets see what happens when we take those distractions away. Surely the productivity will go up.". What I am noticing instead of an increase in productivity is more a decline in team morale. We seem to be hemorraging team members. I don't quite know what this means for the future but I do know what it means for right now. Right now it means, horrible economy.... do what you have to do. For the future tho... I don't know.
My mini vacation weekend in P-Town with Jason was phenominal! I had such a great time. We laughed, talked, had lots of sex on porn height beds! Absolutely amazing. I am finding myself falling more and more in love with him every day. He fosters my outward affection, my confidence and my heart. I see a great future with him. I see a life with him. I also see lots of traveling, we seem to travel well together. No arguments, no animosity, no anger. As much as I loved my ex, Mike, I am seeing more and more that we probably would have made better friends than lovers. We were each others best friend, of that there is no doubt... but the more time I spend with Jason the more I get to see my previous relationship in a different light. I don't regret the time I had with Mike. In fact, it seems to have been necessary I guess. I can truly appreciate a relationship of the caliber I have with Jason more than I could have if I hadn't spent 10 years with Mike.
Speaking of ex's, I did find out that Mike lost the apartment and his job and moved back upstate with his uncle. I do wish he had contacted me to tell me this. I had been trying to contact him for a while and when no one answered the phone I just figured he was on a date or out with friends. I had no idea he was in such dire straits. I was contacting him in order to make plans for aquiring the rest of my stuff and my cat Aries. Finally having my own place allowed for this. But now I am sort of in limbo about a few things. Things like... where's my cat, what's his uncles number so I can contact him etc.. I am sure that at some point he will email me or comment on my blog or something. I would like to know that he is gonna be ok.
Today is going to be full of life type stuff I have been neglecting the past week. I have to do laundry, clean up my own place a lil bit, not much to do as I have been spending most of my time over at Jason's place. Gonna hang out with Daddy #1 today and when Seamus "Daddy #2" gets home watch an episode or 2 of Torchwood as has become our ritual. I heard their trip to California was amazing.
I do miss my mother and my sister, I guess I will give them a call while I am doing laundry and cleaning up. My cousin Sean called me a few days ago, I have to make sure to catch up with him too... see what going on with that part of my family.
See chulos... all random shit.
Til next time!
- D
Work has been getting very odd lately. The better we perform the more priveledges are being swept away. This, to me, sounds very counter productive. I mean, I understand their logic behind it. That being "If they are doing this well with all of these distractions, lets see what happens when we take those distractions away. Surely the productivity will go up.". What I am noticing instead of an increase in productivity is more a decline in team morale. We seem to be hemorraging team members. I don't quite know what this means for the future but I do know what it means for right now. Right now it means, horrible economy.... do what you have to do. For the future tho... I don't know.
My mini vacation weekend in P-Town with Jason was phenominal! I had such a great time. We laughed, talked, had lots of sex on porn height beds! Absolutely amazing. I am finding myself falling more and more in love with him every day. He fosters my outward affection, my confidence and my heart. I see a great future with him. I see a life with him. I also see lots of traveling, we seem to travel well together. No arguments, no animosity, no anger. As much as I loved my ex, Mike, I am seeing more and more that we probably would have made better friends than lovers. We were each others best friend, of that there is no doubt... but the more time I spend with Jason the more I get to see my previous relationship in a different light. I don't regret the time I had with Mike. In fact, it seems to have been necessary I guess. I can truly appreciate a relationship of the caliber I have with Jason more than I could have if I hadn't spent 10 years with Mike.
Speaking of ex's, I did find out that Mike lost the apartment and his job and moved back upstate with his uncle. I do wish he had contacted me to tell me this. I had been trying to contact him for a while and when no one answered the phone I just figured he was on a date or out with friends. I had no idea he was in such dire straits. I was contacting him in order to make plans for aquiring the rest of my stuff and my cat Aries. Finally having my own place allowed for this. But now I am sort of in limbo about a few things. Things like... where's my cat, what's his uncles number so I can contact him etc.. I am sure that at some point he will email me or comment on my blog or something. I would like to know that he is gonna be ok.
Today is going to be full of life type stuff I have been neglecting the past week. I have to do laundry, clean up my own place a lil bit, not much to do as I have been spending most of my time over at Jason's place. Gonna hang out with Daddy #1 today and when Seamus "Daddy #2" gets home watch an episode or 2 of Torchwood as has become our ritual. I heard their trip to California was amazing.
I do miss my mother and my sister, I guess I will give them a call while I am doing laundry and cleaning up. My cousin Sean called me a few days ago, I have to make sure to catch up with him too... see what going on with that part of my family.
See chulos... all random shit.
Til next time!
- D
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Thank God I Made It!
Didn't know if I would have survived to see my vacation. I mean between work, no smokig and banking bullshit I am done.
Once again I have been analy assualted withathe spikey cock of Bank of America. $530 bucks in the red because o their fuck up yet again. This is it, I am done with being a battered fucking housewife to my fucking bank! They are basically stealing my money. On top of this I still have my tax return on direct deposit. After that clears Bank of America can suck it. Maybe I will check out citizens bank or hell IGN... anything would be better than this..
Seems all the psychotics felt this urge to make my last few days at work before my vacation a living hell. It was a parade of paranoid delusionals, conspiracy theorists, halfwits and just plain old bats shit crazies the past few days. One of even thought their unit was posessed. Wow....
So here I am on the first day of my vacation... no tv, no internet but actually feeling.... good. I got some good news. The company my friend Don works for is highly interested in hiring me. Good pay, Mon - Fri, 8am to 5:30pm. Hrrrmmm... big boy hours, my life back, more room to be with friends and my man. I will be with my BF tonight, always a reason to smile.
Til next time chulos!
- D
Once again I have been analy assualted withathe spikey cock of Bank of America. $530 bucks in the red because o their fuck up yet again. This is it, I am done with being a battered fucking housewife to my fucking bank! They are basically stealing my money. On top of this I still have my tax return on direct deposit. After that clears Bank of America can suck it. Maybe I will check out citizens bank or hell IGN... anything would be better than this..
Seems all the psychotics felt this urge to make my last few days at work before my vacation a living hell. It was a parade of paranoid delusionals, conspiracy theorists, halfwits and just plain old bats shit crazies the past few days. One of even thought their unit was posessed. Wow....
So here I am on the first day of my vacation... no tv, no internet but actually feeling.... good. I got some good news. The company my friend Don works for is highly interested in hiring me. Good pay, Mon - Fri, 8am to 5:30pm. Hrrrmmm... big boy hours, my life back, more room to be with friends and my man. I will be with my BF tonight, always a reason to smile.
Til next time chulos!
- D
Saturday, February 7, 2009
A Morning in Poetry?
I see the early glow, I hear him say hello. Is it a dream?
If so, when will it end? Could it be as it would seem?
He says "I love you." If only time would suspend.
Then the impossible happens when he climbs on top,
Time itself seems to stop.
I feel him breath, the scent of his skin
With a rush of heat he let's me in.
I come when he calls and I'll catch him when he falls.
But time waits for no man, I'll hold him close while I can.
The bell rings, the time has come...
I see the shadows fall and I don't see him at all.
Dammit why do I have to work today.
A whole day with him to let come what may.
That's all I ask, but here I am off to the days task.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lol... poetry on the train. I am such a mush. With my luck he'll find me too sweet. Stupid insecurity, get thee behind me. Lol.
I wonder how far shain got in leveling my death knight for me. I just don't have the time. For WoW these days. Grumble grumble. Lol
I think that's it for random thoughts this morning and I am almost at work.
Laters!
- D
If so, when will it end? Could it be as it would seem?
He says "I love you." If only time would suspend.
Then the impossible happens when he climbs on top,
Time itself seems to stop.
I feel him breath, the scent of his skin
With a rush of heat he let's me in.
I come when he calls and I'll catch him when he falls.
But time waits for no man, I'll hold him close while I can.
The bell rings, the time has come...
I see the shadows fall and I don't see him at all.
Dammit why do I have to work today.
A whole day with him to let come what may.
That's all I ask, but here I am off to the days task.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lol... poetry on the train. I am such a mush. With my luck he'll find me too sweet. Stupid insecurity, get thee behind me. Lol.
I wonder how far shain got in leveling my death knight for me. I just don't have the time. For WoW these days. Grumble grumble. Lol
I think that's it for random thoughts this morning and I am almost at work.
Laters!
- D
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Gonna Be A Long Week...
To begin... my week starts on Saurday.... work shedule shit.
So next week on Thursday the 12th my vacation starts. I can't wait. Gotta make sure to somehow make the next 7 days fly. I won't be able to see my man as often as I would like to :(.
I will have the shittiest work schedule. It's all over the place which will make it hard to get anything done. But that's ok... I am sure I can power right on through it... boring as it may be. I guess I can just use these nights to catch up in WoW.
Finding myself getting deeper and deeper with Jason. It's a little scary how far things have gotten so quickly and so effortlessly. It all feels so good and so right. Also finding myself becoming more domestic than I have ever been. I'm cooking for him on the regular. It's fun even. I am feeling things I have not ever felt before. I am not walking away from nor sabotaging this one.
Speaking of cooking... last night made a meatloaf to die for! Toss in some overly non-jewish latkes and it was awesome. Here's how I made it.
Meat loaf:
2lbs ground beef 90% lean
1 1/2 cps italian bread crumbs
1 chopped onion
1 large chopped pepper
1 tblsp garlic powder
1tsp salt
1 tbsp cayenne pepper
1 small can of tomatoe paste
2 tblsp of worcestershire sauce
Sprinkling of parmasean cheese
2 medium to large eggs
Directions:
Preheat the oven at 350 degrees.
Mix the ground beef and italian bread crumbs together in a large bowl. Use your hand please.. let this stand after through mixing. Chop the onions and perppers seperately and finely. Mix the eggs, salt, cayenne pepper and garlic powder in another bowl. Pour this mixture into the mead and bread crumb mixture. Combine this thoroughly using your hands. Throw in the peppers and onions and again mix thoroughly with your hands. Add your tomato paste and worcestershire sauce and... well you get it.
This filled a medium sized meatloaf pan.
Put this in the oven for 1hr 45 min. Uncover at 1hr 30min and sprinkle with grated parmesean cheese and spatter with worcestershire sauce. Let cook the last 15min uncovered. Remove and let stand for 5 to 10 minutes.
Overly Non-Jewish Latkes:
Makes roughly 20 latkes depending on how much you use per latke.
4 medium to large potatoes (I use red skinned potatoes)
1 chopped onion
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup of chives
3 tblsp of garlic (minced garlic is best but garlic powder will do fine)
2 tbsp of cayenne pepper
3 tblsp of basil
1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella
1 can of crab meat in water
3/4 cup flour
2 large eggs
Use a food processor with metal blades to chop your potatoes. The more you chop the more viscous. I pefer a more hash brown like consitency. Do not dry.
Put the potatoes in a large bowl.
Chop your onions in the same food processor. Chop finely.
Combine the onion into the potatoes. Add your egg, chives, garlic, cayenne pepper and basil into the mixture. This will feel very thin for latkes. Add you flour and mix thoroughly. Mix in your mozzarella and crab meat with the water from the can.
Heat a deep pan with enogh oil to fill half the pan.
Once the oil is hot your mixture should have thickened a bit. Using a spoon, size of your choosing, drop whole spoons of the mixture into the oil. Cook until golden brown underneath then flip. Becareful, hot oil hurts. Once cooked on the other side, remove from the pan and lay own a paper towl lined plate to absorb the oil.
Serve and eat how you like. I tend not to use much salt in these because I eat em with ketchup. So add salt to your liking.
Til next time chulos!!
- D
So next week on Thursday the 12th my vacation starts. I can't wait. Gotta make sure to somehow make the next 7 days fly. I won't be able to see my man as often as I would like to :(.
I will have the shittiest work schedule. It's all over the place which will make it hard to get anything done. But that's ok... I am sure I can power right on through it... boring as it may be. I guess I can just use these nights to catch up in WoW.
Finding myself getting deeper and deeper with Jason. It's a little scary how far things have gotten so quickly and so effortlessly. It all feels so good and so right. Also finding myself becoming more domestic than I have ever been. I'm cooking for him on the regular. It's fun even. I am feeling things I have not ever felt before. I am not walking away from nor sabotaging this one.
Speaking of cooking... last night made a meatloaf to die for! Toss in some overly non-jewish latkes and it was awesome. Here's how I made it.
Meat loaf:
2lbs ground beef 90% lean
1 1/2 cps italian bread crumbs
1 chopped onion
1 large chopped pepper
1 tblsp garlic powder
1tsp salt
1 tbsp cayenne pepper
1 small can of tomatoe paste
2 tblsp of worcestershire sauce
Sprinkling of parmasean cheese
2 medium to large eggs
Directions:
Preheat the oven at 350 degrees.
Mix the ground beef and italian bread crumbs together in a large bowl. Use your hand please.. let this stand after through mixing. Chop the onions and perppers seperately and finely. Mix the eggs, salt, cayenne pepper and garlic powder in another bowl. Pour this mixture into the mead and bread crumb mixture. Combine this thoroughly using your hands. Throw in the peppers and onions and again mix thoroughly with your hands. Add your tomato paste and worcestershire sauce and... well you get it.
This filled a medium sized meatloaf pan.
Put this in the oven for 1hr 45 min. Uncover at 1hr 30min and sprinkle with grated parmesean cheese and spatter with worcestershire sauce. Let cook the last 15min uncovered. Remove and let stand for 5 to 10 minutes.
Overly Non-Jewish Latkes:
Makes roughly 20 latkes depending on how much you use per latke.
4 medium to large potatoes (I use red skinned potatoes)
1 chopped onion
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup of chives
3 tblsp of garlic (minced garlic is best but garlic powder will do fine)
2 tbsp of cayenne pepper
3 tblsp of basil
1/2 cup of shredded mozzarella
1 can of crab meat in water
3/4 cup flour
2 large eggs
Use a food processor with metal blades to chop your potatoes. The more you chop the more viscous. I pefer a more hash brown like consitency. Do not dry.
Put the potatoes in a large bowl.
Chop your onions in the same food processor. Chop finely.
Combine the onion into the potatoes. Add your egg, chives, garlic, cayenne pepper and basil into the mixture. This will feel very thin for latkes. Add you flour and mix thoroughly. Mix in your mozzarella and crab meat with the water from the can.
Heat a deep pan with enogh oil to fill half the pan.
Once the oil is hot your mixture should have thickened a bit. Using a spoon, size of your choosing, drop whole spoons of the mixture into the oil. Cook until golden brown underneath then flip. Becareful, hot oil hurts. Once cooked on the other side, remove from the pan and lay own a paper towl lined plate to absorb the oil.
Serve and eat how you like. I tend not to use much salt in these because I eat em with ketchup. So add salt to your liking.
Til next time chulos!!
- D
Friday, January 30, 2009
Remember Where You Are... This is Thunderdome...
Talk about a battle for the ages. A clash of the titans. A Battle Royale... hell This is a heavy weight bout. Strongest wins!
I have had a most fucked up day. To top off all of my frustrations all I wanted was a cigarette. I mean I fought tooth and nail today. I didn't fall... maybe I can keep this up. The urge was strong... but I was stronger. I just figured I'd throw that short blah out there. I needed to say it to someone, may as well be you chulos!
I fought and I won today. 18 Days, 11 Hours and 4 minutes nicotine free. I have no doubt I will fall at least once, I am a clumsy beast... but this time is different. I don't want to smoke anymore.
Laters chulos!
- D
I have had a most fucked up day. To top off all of my frustrations all I wanted was a cigarette. I mean I fought tooth and nail today. I didn't fall... maybe I can keep this up. The urge was strong... but I was stronger. I just figured I'd throw that short blah out there. I needed to say it to someone, may as well be you chulos!
I fought and I won today. 18 Days, 11 Hours and 4 minutes nicotine free. I have no doubt I will fall at least once, I am a clumsy beast... but this time is different. I don't want to smoke anymore.
Laters chulos!
- D
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A Sign of The Future?
Well I am finding myself craving Jason more and more. Things are just goin damn well. I could not invent a more suitable match for me. I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with him. Can't believe how lucky I am. This does present a minor issue... time.
I have work, friends and now my boyfriend. I have to find a way to mix all three. Work is my biggest hurdle. If I can normalize my schedule I can manage it all. The past 2 weeks have been full of 11 to 8 hours. They suck! By the time I get home from work on those days my friends are asleep and my boyfriend isn't far behind them. Once these hours get right my whole week changes. The time budget grows and I can live a bit more of my life.
Jason and I will be doing our first weekend away on Valentines day weekend. I am very excited! I mean I have only ever done one weekend away with Mike. We went to VA Beach with Tommy and all we did was argue. The trip there, the entire weekend and on the trip back home. This time will be different.
Attempted to efile my fed taxes... I didn't get a pin number last year... so I had to just put 0 in my AGI field. Uuughh.. I hope they don't reject it. Mailing in the taxes can cause 5 to 10 weeks before I get my return. Ick.
Got game night with my 2 dads this Saturday. I am dragging Jason along, perfect opportunity for me to spend time with my friends and my boyfriend.
Dare I say I am completely in love? Never experienced something like this before. Wow... me? In love again? Who knew? But here I am... in love.
Now for my next trick... the resurrection of Harry Houdini!
-D
I have work, friends and now my boyfriend. I have to find a way to mix all three. Work is my biggest hurdle. If I can normalize my schedule I can manage it all. The past 2 weeks have been full of 11 to 8 hours. They suck! By the time I get home from work on those days my friends are asleep and my boyfriend isn't far behind them. Once these hours get right my whole week changes. The time budget grows and I can live a bit more of my life.
Jason and I will be doing our first weekend away on Valentines day weekend. I am very excited! I mean I have only ever done one weekend away with Mike. We went to VA Beach with Tommy and all we did was argue. The trip there, the entire weekend and on the trip back home. This time will be different.
Attempted to efile my fed taxes... I didn't get a pin number last year... so I had to just put 0 in my AGI field. Uuughh.. I hope they don't reject it. Mailing in the taxes can cause 5 to 10 weeks before I get my return. Ick.
Got game night with my 2 dads this Saturday. I am dragging Jason along, perfect opportunity for me to spend time with my friends and my boyfriend.
Dare I say I am completely in love? Never experienced something like this before. Wow... me? In love again? Who knew? But here I am... in love.
Now for my next trick... the resurrection of Harry Houdini!
-D
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Drunk Blogging
So here I am. I had a night of watching Torchwood episode and drinking with my buddy Seamus. Feeling rather lovely. Sorta miss hold Jason tonight, but enjoying having time with my buddies. I wonder how long I will stay awake.
Bought vodka for Seamus as I owe em a bottle and picked myself up some Jaeger. Jaeger and ginger ale make an interesting comba. Gonna lay down now... maybe watch hitman and be happy with it all. ;).
-D
Bought vodka for Seamus as I owe em a bottle and picked myself up some Jaeger. Jaeger and ginger ale make an interesting comba. Gonna lay down now... maybe watch hitman and be happy with it all. ;).
-D
WOW!
Wow! And I am not talking about the game. If someone said to me I would be head over heals for someone a month ago I would have slapped em in the mouth for blasphemy. But here I am... head over heals for Jason.
He stayed over last night. I made dinner, we watched TV, went to bed, held each other most of the night. It was bliss.
I love how effortless this all is. Things just fit. We get each other, I rarely misunderstand what he means when he says something... unless I am faking it to get I'm to spell things out. It's awesome! Trust me I know relationships have peaks and valleys. But I was looking at him last night and felt I could not be angry at him for long. I am happy. Funny that.
Work has been trying to say the least. Some newbs are here and are getting a little too big for their britches. The hours are taking their toll on me. I can't do the same things a 20yo can in terms of the hours they put in. I just have to make it to april 20th. That's one year and I can either transfer or move up. I am looking to the future tho. So I am sprucing up the resume' and trying to find a higher ground just in case things don't go as planned with Apple.
Got a new phone that is allowing me to blog on the go, so I should be able to post more often seeing as I can post on the go. All in all life is falling back in line. I hope to continue the upward trend.
Later chulos!!
-D
He stayed over last night. I made dinner, we watched TV, went to bed, held each other most of the night. It was bliss.
I love how effortless this all is. Things just fit. We get each other, I rarely misunderstand what he means when he says something... unless I am faking it to get I'm to spell things out. It's awesome! Trust me I know relationships have peaks and valleys. But I was looking at him last night and felt I could not be angry at him for long. I am happy. Funny that.
Work has been trying to say the least. Some newbs are here and are getting a little too big for their britches. The hours are taking their toll on me. I can't do the same things a 20yo can in terms of the hours they put in. I just have to make it to april 20th. That's one year and I can either transfer or move up. I am looking to the future tho. So I am sprucing up the resume' and trying to find a higher ground just in case things don't go as planned with Apple.
Got a new phone that is allowing me to blog on the go, so I should be able to post more often seeing as I can post on the go. All in all life is falling back in line. I hope to continue the upward trend.
Later chulos!!
-D
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A New Year, a New Beginning...
Hey chulos! Life has been making it very difficult to blog regularly. So here is New Years update for yas.
A lot has happened since I last blogged about my wretched attempt to fit a square peg into a round hole. Man I must have desparate. He wasn't even that hot... shallow I know, but it's like why did I try so hard. So of course after a month of "men suck" and "how could I be so stupid"... without even trying someone found me. Totally unexpected. I mean we just clicked. Round peg, round hole. We have seen each other quite a bit over the past few weeks and it has all been effortless. it just works. Wow... now this I can see going somewhere. Hell he is even turned on by my intellect. He is very outside my box... but even Seamus thinks we match very well. Seamus is very protective of me so for him to think someone is good for me is huge.
New Years Eve was fun. Went to a bear event in connecticut. The event was fun. The after party was better. Consisted of me and our host drinking vodka cran all night long.
I miss my Jeremy terribly, work has me ll kinds of busy so i can barely even play wow. I have to eek out some time so Jeremy can meet my new beau Jason.
Later Chulos!
D
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