Was he in love with the idea of being in love or was he in love with me? He let me go without a fight. He has turned off his feelings for me. How can anyone just turn off their feelings about someone, while still living with them, if they loved that person?
I don't understand. I know, I know... I broke up with him, what right do I have to even care myself. I don't know but I do. I am one that is ruled by his emotions. He is one I guess who doesn't have any emotion, none that's really his. He seems to have ideas of emotion and when the idea no longer fits what he expected he drops it. The relationship wasn't even buried before he posted an ad and went on a date. We agreed to honor our ten years by not trying to hurt the other... but now he seems to be dropping hints that he wants to fuck his way to better mental health.
Been having nightmares lately. I almost wish I could go back... but I can't especially not after seeing how he can just turn off his how he feels about me. It wouldn't be jealousy but the question of does he really love me that would drive me insane. I don't seem to handle stress very well at all. Who knew?
Maybe I should just go stay with my boss at his house in...eeww... Jersey until this month is done. I often wonder how it came to this...
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