So we are coming to a fast end of my era here. Tomorrow is my last day with K&D. Unfortunately they have not found a replacement for me. What did they expect? I came here and took the crummy pay because I was desperate. I had been out of work for a long time and tho my landlord was very patient with us, I knew the patience was wearing thin. So I took a job as their Mac Tech for 14.50 an hour. Ouch. They got more than they had anticipated tho. I am also a graphic designer and tend to have a way with electronics. I am also very versatile in what I can do. Before I knew it my job description had grown to something mythic.
So in looking for my replacement I had to post the job on Craig's List as I saw fit. I gave a full run down of my duties, of employer expectations etc... we got resumes from people who won't do the job for below 50k. YES BITCHES... 50 FUCKIN' K!
Did I sell myself short or what?
We had 2 prospects that the company could actually afford. Neither of them want the job. This is bad for them but may work in my favor. I may end up working remotely for K&D. Given this is a Mac based store... it will actually be easy and would be a damn good source of cash for the Mass. base standard of living. So we shall see how that goes.
So tomorrow is my last day. I have trained the shipping X-Mas helper fully in the shipping system so that is taken care of. Graphic Design... I think I will be stuck with K&D for a long time with that. It is so hard to find a tech that can also do graphic design these days.
These last 2 days are strange. I never left a job this way before. I am leaving here without having people, the ones that matter, hate me or fire me nor am I quitting because they are trying to screw me. So this is a very different dynamic and only illustrates the method in which I am breaking up with Mike. We don't hate each other.
As these are my last two days of work it could only mean something else. This will be my last weekend with Mike. I dunno what we should do this last weekend. His plan is to basically keep me bare assed and to have as much sex as possible. I don't know if that is such a good idea. It is hard enough to leave as it is, wouldn't a weekend of unbridled sex make that harder to do? Perhaps that is his plan. To make it harder, not that I blame him. I did not give up easily... why should he give up easily? If he knows the way to my heart is a good fuck... then why not use it? I would.
The 3rd of January is coming quickly. We have a shit ton of cleaning to do so I can actually find my shit. I have a shit ton of packing to do, well not really... but packing sucks regardless of the volume. It is going to be hard to go through some of the items, a lot of shit we bought for each other... memories... a lot of shit we bought for US... I think I will let him keep most everything. I am the one leaving, I should be the one who has to start over. So I have to gather my clothes, including the gay superhero shirts Mike made for me... feeds my hero complex, my video games for the PS2 and Game Cube, my consoles, my computer and my statues of Buddha.
I am actually feeling better about my decision. I keep reiterating to Mike that he should not sleep around to hide the pain. That he should allow himself to feel it and get over it. I don't want him to do to someone else what he did to me. Our first year together, 2 years after his first love, and he was still citing that being with me felt like he was cheating on his ex of 2yrs. Yeah... I don't want him to do that to someone else about me. Lessons need to be learned. He tried to screw his way to better mental health before and it did not work out for him. It almost ended our relationship before it began. So with that, I hope he takes care of his mind before he whores around. After your mind is right and you want to whore around... fine. But to do it to hide the pain only to bring that pain to your next relationship is a bad thing.
But, all of that being said... I am not too worried about him anymore. I have been reading my Zen books and trying to learn to detach. To a degree it is working. I did do a video, but it is for his eyes only to be seen after I am gone. Sorry chulos... you can't see it. I will do another video blog before I leave NYC. A few have asked that Mike answers the question on how we lasted so long. I think that will be the next vBlog. It will be a video of he and I and I think we will just
have him answer the question from his point of view... but in a past tense. Just because we are over NOW does not mean we didn't do something amazing. 10yrs chulos... that's a long time. So you guys can look forward to that. My next vBlog after that will be from my new home in MA.
I am excited, sad and terrified. I'd be a fool if I weren't scared, a bigger fool if I wasn't sad and a titan of a fool if I was not excited. There is an entire world of possibility out there that did not exist as long as Mike and I remained. New things to do, new people to do, new experiences to have and a new me to find. From 18 til now I have been US. Now it is time to find 'Me'. To grow up beyond what I have so far, which is a lot. Time to be 20 something while I am still 20 something. The jealousy is actually leaving me. Sort of interesting. As I am detaching I am finding myself having a different mode of thought. Not so sad, not so angry, not so jealous. I still feel those things, but in a much smaller quantity.
So this is the final countdown. 1 day left at work and 6 days left in NYC. I have butterflies in my stomach. Bad and good.
-Daemian
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